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It appears that our sheriff Milton Wright has given the kiss of death to our first chance at a female District Attorney in this county.

Nina Schaefer got Sheriff Milton Wright to endorse her in the Republican primary run-off.

“Good Lord, something is wrong with that woman’s thinking mechanism,” Juanita announces this morning while adjusting a wayward pink bra strap.  “Getting Milton Wright to endorse you is like tying a rock around your waist and jumping overboard.”

“Honey, Nina would have been off getting the fourth floor female inmate Freekin’ Bound for Hell Quilting Society to endorse her.  Those women work more and gossip less than the sheriff does.  They even have cooler tattoos than he does.”

“Well, since his last two endorsed candidates got beat so badly that their grandchildren will be born shaking, I suspect he’s going for the perfect threesome. ”

“Is Healey going to win now?” she asks.

“Does a cat have climbing gear,” everyone answers in unison.

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Wanna see something that’ll scare the snot outta you?

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As most of you know, Lyndon LaRouche nutty-girl Kesha Rogers is running as a Democrat for CD22 in Texas.  Yeah, yeah, my own congressional district.  The shame of it all.

I refuse to get outraged about this.  Republicans have taken all the honor out of outrage.  It is my theory that outrage passes for foreplay in most Republican homes.  They watch Glen Beck and then get frisky.  How else could you explain his popularity?

So, instead of getting all outraged and snippy about Kesha, your friends here at the World’s Most Dangerous Beauty Salon, Inc, in downtown uptown Richmond, Texas, have a plan.  And it’s a good one.

We are going to hold a contest to see who can get their picture taken standing beside Kesha with the funniest sign.  Lyndon LaRoucherians have no sense of humor.  They have all had humorectomies.  It’s required prior to joining.  So this will drive them nuts.

Just stand beside Kesha with a sign like this —— and have someone take your picture with a digital camera.  You might even go for  —

That’ll make them crazy.

So, send the picture right here to Juanita and you can win $100 cash American money to spend any way you want to.  No, I’m serious, you can buy shoes, a purse, a pedicure, a great summer hat, or you can waste it by paying the electric bill.

See, real American money that could be yours!

But wait, there’s more.

We gotta have rules.  The rules are that you cannot push, shove, or physically contact any of the trolls surrounding Kesha.  Trickery, however, is not only acceptable, it’s encouraged. Should you not be able to find Kesha standing alone due to that whole wolves and packs thing, you might try making a backup sign like this one —

The other rule is that you may not photoshop said picture, unless, of course, you live in a foreign state.  Then you can do whatever the hell you want.

I will probably get around to setting up a special page here on my unblog to display the entries and do the judging.  I will probably ask my fellow members of the Old Farts Blogging Federation to be the judges.  Unless, of course, we once again drink too much beer at our meeting and have to imagine Rahm Emanuel and Eric Massa buck nakid in the shower arguing with each other just so we can sober up enough to drive home. I have discovered that that’s an equally disturbing image to both gender and all sexual orientations.  No seriously, I heard the necrophiliacs find that creepy.

Anyway, this contest is open to anybody.  All it takes is a sense of humor, a magic marker, and a friend with a camera.

I guess we’ll end  the contest later this summer because nobody wants the circus to end.  So play safe and have fun.  But, mainly play fair.  I will not make your bail.

(By the way, I am perfectly serious about the One Hundred Dollars Cash American Money.  If you live around here, I will hand deliver it to you and buy you a drink.  If you live somewhere else, I’ll send a money order.)

There is no purpose to this post other than to share it with my girlfriends and Kary and Tom.

You are very welcome.

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“It’s like trying to eat pinto beans with a pitch fork,” Juanita commented to no one in particular this morning while reading the newspaper.

“Trying to get Karl Rove to admit that he or George Bush ever made a mistake is like trying to dodge rice at wedding,” she amplifies on the subject.

“Lookie here —-

As he launches his book-promotion tour, Karl Rove has sought to deflect and deny responsibility for a host of problems that bedeviled the Bush years. A lot of it is complicated — weapons of mass destruction, the CIA leak scandal — and Rove is adept at navigating thickets of information to invoke plausible deniability. But sometimes, a single question can reveal a lot. Such was the case today on NBC’s Today show where Matt Lauer quizzed Rove on why the White House was so slow to respond to Katrina.

MR. LAUER: You also write in the book, “We did not have the ability to get real-time information, so did not realize the initial reports we were getting were wrong.”
This is the president of the United States.

MR. ROVE: Sure.

MR. LAUER: Did anyone at the White House turn on the TV?

“I suspect that Rove thinks people will forget about teevee after Armageddon when he is sitting at the right hand of God, tossing all you heathens in the pits of hell while laughing uproariously.”

By you, we think Juanita means YOU.  That’s just a guess, though.

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