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All over Texas this morning, Democratic county and senatorial conventions met to elect delegates to the Texas State Democratic Convention in June in Corpus Christi.  Juanita was the temporary secretary for her convention, so she was been swamped for the past three days getting all the paperwork ready.  She was delighted to turn over the convention paperwork to the new secretary and start having a life again.

The convention is over and, of course, Juanita and the gang are all going to the State convention.  Juanita’s senatorial district is one of the easiest to work with in the county, contrary to whatever wild story the “real” bloggers make up this time.  “I stay clear of the real bloggers,” Juanita warns, “because there’s a Texas adage that goes – never approach a bull from the front, a horse from the rear, or a fool from any damn direction.”

“We were sweeter than a grandmother’s kiss, elected all our delegates, passed all our resolutions, ate all the muffins and brownies as was our duty and finished before our sister convention in Sugar Land even got started,” Juanita reports.  “All the candidates came by and took a round of applause.  Here’s a picture of our new state representative, Ron Reynolds.  Ron has no Republican opponent in November but he’s not sitting as home biding his time.  He’s helping other Democrats.”

“Our spiffy new County Chair was there and riled up the crowd.  He’s running on a full tank and has a map.  We’re gonna get the blue promised land this November or my name ain’t Juanita.”

“I am going to the State Convention with 68 of my closest friends and the best folks around.”

Juanita is headed to Carl Whitmarsh’s birthday party this afternoon and then will get caught up on what’s happening at the other meetings.

UPDATE:  Carl Whitmarsh’s birthday was more fun than recess in heaven.  If you missed it this year, do not make that mistake again.  Everybody who is anybody was there!

And, Fort Bend’s SD13 went great and so did SD17 once they got rid of the Last Of The Crazy Ole Wimmen.  However, from 9:00 until 3:00, the L.O.T.C.O.W.  ran the meeting with an iron fist without allowing for food or breaks.  Hell, I think that violates the Geneva Convention, where even bread and water is allowed to prisoners.  They voted her out, got down to business instead of ego and got themselves a dandy delegation.

Our local candidates made the rounds and shined.

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The Texas Board of Education finally made it big time – they were on The Daily Show last night.

If you didn’t know that republicans are creepy people who did not listen in high school, you know it now that the Texas School Board is in session.

“Good Lord,” Juanita sighs, “the Texas Board of Education is living proof that just because somebody has banana-breath doesn’t mean they are Tarzan.” Andy Borowitz takes his shot today.  Explaining the changes to our history books, including excluding Thomas Jefferson, Andy says he got a press release about it  —-

The one-sentence statement reads as follows: “If you were the state responsible for George W. Bush being elected President, you’d throw out your history books, too.”

Y’all, my personal state school board member is so nuts that even the nuts think she’s nuts. Her name is Cynthia Dunbar and she’s more bitter than gar broth. Please help me replace her with Dr. Judy Jennings, a smart, gorgeous, sane woman.  If you can help her, even a little bit like $5.00 will help, go chip in or mail her a check by clicking right here.  Judy has a great chance of winning but we need every dollar bill cash American money we can get.

Go show some love and tell her that Juanita sent you.  She won’t even make fun of you for it.

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Juanita tries very hard to run a green beauty salon.  She recycles whenever she can and has gone total solar power with her pocket calculator.

Thelma read about having a paperless office.  Thelma thinks that would be a good idea.  Mainly because Juanita couldn’t leave little Post-It notes all over the mirror at her station saying things like, “I hope you’re damn proud of your stinkin’ Texas Board of Education.”

Juanita contends, and I have to agree with her about this, that you cannot function well in life without zip-lock baggies and post-it notes.  And, the older you get, the more you have to depend on these things.

“On Monday mornings, there are generally 5 or 6 notes on the inside of my backdoor,” Juanita admits.  “I know that’s wasteful because the whole function of post it notes is that you throw them away once you get reminded of whatever you need reminding about.  They are also helpful in remembering to tell other people things they need to know.  Hence, all the notes on Thelma’s workstation.”

Thelma and Juanita once got into a post it note fight over a Supreme Court nominee and Jack’s Office Supplies and Pet Grooming Salon ran out of them.  Now, that’s a proper fight!

A paperless Juanita would be like a scissorless Juanita.  It ain’t gonna happen.

“They are as handy a stopper on a submarine,” she says.

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Juanita apologizes for being a tad busy for the past 24 hours.  It seems that our local lame duck Democratic Party secretary reacted like a nuclear power plant on meltdown day, sharpened up her claws, painted on her fibbing face, and floored it in neutral upon word getting out that  that she’d been busted for voting in the Republican primary.

She contended that she made no secret of the fact that she voted in the GOP primary.  And that she’s just “volunteering” to help with the county Democratic convention process.

Which was exactly what we’d been hoping she’d say.  Busted again.

“You know, this ain’t my first bear hunt,” Juanita grins.  “I don’t know much, but I do know that catching a bear is easiest if you set a trap.”

“Bless her heart, she walked right into it.  She overreacted to what I wrote about her and got so worked up that she was only about half an inch from questioning my whereabouts during the Kennedy assassination. Hot damn!  I won the $20 bet that she would do it within hours.”

Under the Texas Election Code, something you’d think the party secretary might have read a time or three, she’s broken the law.  And by saying that she made no secret of voting in the GOP primary, she’s also implicated the lame duck county party chairman in this ongoing criminal enterprise.

162.014. UNLAWFUL PARTICIPATION IN PARTY AFFAIRS.  (a) person commits an offense if the person knowingly votes or attempts to vote in a primary election or participates or attempts to participate in a convention of a party after having voted in a primary election or participated in a convention of another party during the same voting year.

“You know,” Juanita smiles, “she’s only been a Republican for two weeks and she’s already learned to lie and break the law.  I envision great success for her as a Republican.  She’s found a good fit.”

“I ain’t springing the trap yet because this hunt is not over.  I’ve always wanted to hear a Republican holler ‘calf rope’ and I think my chance is coming.  Meanwhile, she’s hacked off a whole troope of really smart Democratic women.  You really do not want to do that.”0

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Juanita has got us all involved in a contest that she posted on the door to the snack room, which, of course, is the most used door in the salon since she stocked it with donuts this morning.

Texas’s own Kirk Watson is running a contest to see which state house member gets $10,000 donated by him to their campaign fund.  You can vote.  Juanita did.

Now, far be it from Juanita to tell you how to vote, but she voted for Kristi Thibaut, District 133, and if you don’t, you’re going straight to hell.  Not that she’s trying to influence you, of course.

By the way, adored customer Kathy sent the link to Juanita this morning, noting that our Democrats sure are easy on the eye.  “Especially my buddy Senfronia Thompson, who grew up right here in my hometown.  Hon, Senfronia is so pretty that she’s been hit on more times than the back wall of handball court.  However, Senfronia doesn’t have a tough fight this November so she doesn’t need the money.  Go with Kristi!”

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