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Now, go get yours.

They even have a FBD t-shirt.  (I got that for Buck, but don’t tell him.)

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Juanita has too many friends named Bob.  She even has an Uncle Bob who she adores.

It’s Official Bob Day at the World’s Most Dangerous Beauty Salon, Inc., because of what this Bob said and what this other Bob said.

Bob #1 –

It’s starting to look like the Repubs may have over-played their hand just a wee bit.  It also shows that a good portion of original opposition came from those who didn’t think the proposed bill went nearly far enough, being devoid of a public option, but support for reform.

Bob #2 –

The real reason the Republicans hate the health care bill is who is paying for it – very rich people.

The Republicans don’t care what percentage of Americans are unable to afford health care. That’s because (duh) the Republicans really only represent the rich corporate elite. Among their core constituency is the insurance industry executive management. And multimillionaire Rush Limbaugh. And multibillionaire Fox News owner Rupert Murdoch.

You need to get you a friend named Bob.  They appear to be smart guys.

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There is a law of thermonuclear dynamics that goes like this:  when the heats’ on someone else, it’s not on you.

For that reason, Randy Neugebauer is eternally grateful for Louis Gohmert.

Republican congressmen in Texas act swiftly to fill the void of Stoopid when it begins to fade in a 24 news cycle.

Louis Gohert apparently wants to skip the entire 19th Century.

Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-TX) is calling for a strong re-assertion of states rights against Congress — in the form of a Constitutional amendment to eliminate the direct popular election of Senators, and go back to the pre-17th Amendment setup of state legislatures appointing them.

“Honey, they sure are taking this whole little-kids-can-live-because-they-now-have-health-insurance thing really hard,” Juanita reports.  Somebody please keep a copy of the Magna Carta safe, would ya?”

Every single one of you secretly wishes you lived in Texas, where you, too, could have blog that got a hit every time someone searches for the term “Texas crazy.”

Hi, Searchers, welcome home!

IMPORTANT UPDATE:  Goofball Randy Neugebauer is raising money off his crass and insane behavior of shouting Baby Killer in Congress.  I am not kidding about this.  He’s a spherical twit – a twit no matter which way you look at him.

God has a very special place in hell for those who would raise money off of hateful behavior.   Randy must need an airplane to go with his yacht.

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“I’m standing guard tonight,” Juanita says, “so unless a Republican wants a face full of hairspray, they better not come over here looking for a reasonable discussion in their idea of being a good American.”

She talking about this.  And this.

Or even this that happened before the November election right here in River City.

“Sweet Jesus says we should turn the other cheek.  I will do that.  However, as I turn, my other hand usually has a can of hair spray in it and gosh you know how accidents happen.”

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This is a story about Charles.  Charles lives in Richmond and is about as good a Democrat as you can find.  Charles works for living but still finds time to help local candidates put up and take down their campaign signs, hang signs on the headquarters, or do whatever needs doing at the moment.   Everybody pitches in a couple of dollars because Charles is also supporting his sister, who lost a leg a couple of years ago.

On his way home last Friday, Charles noticed a fella in his neighborhood was taking down a fence and replacing it with a big ole chain link fence.  Charles noticed that they were just throwing away the t-posts from the old fence.  He stopped and asked that if he would come take them down, could he have them?  The property owner said, “Sure!”

T-posts are about $3 each and it takes two of them to put up a 4 by 4 foot “Vote Democratic” sign.  It takes three of them for a 4 by 8 foot one.  That starts adding up to some major bucks in a small county with lots of rural areas that need covering.  Charles knows an opportunity when he sees one.

So Charles shows up at lunchtime today with a friend of his and they start removing the t-posts.  They were going along pretty well when all a sudden the friend hollers, “Charles, lookie!”

Sure ‘nuf, the owner hadn’t moved the cows from his field and they were strolling down the street.  Charles took me back to where this all happened so we could re-enact it like those big time journalists.  This is a picture of Charles right where he was when his friend hollered “Lookie!

This ain’t Charles’ first rodeo, so he grabs one of the posts and starts herding the cows back into the fenced area.  A cowboy is a guy who gets paid to be smarter than a cow.  Charles’ friend wasn’t a cowboy.  He took out running the other direction and stayed about 8 feet off the ground until Charles herded Old Bossy and The Girls.

So, Charles gets all the cows pinned and re-starts his work.  About 10 minutes later, there’s another “Lookie!” moment.  It seems that cows from God only knows where are moseying down the street headed straight for the elementary schoolyard.

No kidding.  A whole mess of them.  More than even Lassie and Roy Rogers could handle.  Pretend there are a bunch of cows in the schoolyard.  Charles, of course, did not have  time to come get me while this was actually happening so this picture was taken later.

The schoolyard did not get decowed easily.

Charles starts herding again but wasn’t making a whole mess of progress.  Apparently, some citizen saw a crazed man chasing cows with a t-post hollering up a storm while his friend was trying to climb the light pole.  The citizen called the police.

“What’s going on?” the policeman asked as he pulled up in his cruiser.

“Sir, if you tell me, we’ll both know,” Charles responded.  “It appears that there are cows loose in a schoolyard.  But, I’m not a trained professional so I could be wrong.”

To tell you the truth, I don’t think  Charles really said that stuff about the trained professional because a man could get arrested for POPO (pissin’ off a police officer) for talk like that.

The police officer pulled himself up to full height and said to Charles, “You could get into trouble for something like this.”

Now, admittedly, Charles ain’t Perry Mason but he couldn’t figure what law he’d broken:  maybe first degree cowing?

So, both Charles and the police office continue to stand there and look at the cows.

Finally, Charles asks the officer, “what do you want to do about this?”

The police officer responds that he’s going to call Animal Control.

And Charles swears he’s not lying about his.  The police officer said —

“I’ll call Animal Control and they’ll come shoot them.”

Now Charles ain’t Albert Einstein but even he knows that shooting a cow in front of an elementary school seems a bit of an overload.  First, it’ll make a helluva mess.  Second, you’d traumatize little children.  Third, there’s that whole ‘oops, I missed and hit a kid’ thing.  And, lastly – it’s just a damn cow.

So Charles finds himself standing in front of a schoolyard pleading with a police officer to have mercy for some cows.

“I don’t think he was from around here,” Charles says as the understatement of the year.

Charles herded the remaining cows back into the field and barbed wired the opening in the fence.

So, Charles’ Democratic t-posts are staying put until the cows get moved.

We’ve already promised him that we’ll make bail if someone tries to file charges for felony mooing.  We’ve also promised not to tell this story to people who might laugh.  So, don’t laugh.  Charles holds the laughing rights to this whole story and he wants a couple of dollars for it.

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Juanita’s foreign correspondent from one of those foreign states filed this report today —

Dear Juanita,

I personally know how much you LOVE LOVE LOVE all things DeLay. This is just too delicious not to share with you and the girls at the WMDBS.

Somebody needs to stop these germs, I mean genes, from spreading!

Love,
Fenway Fran

Yes, siree, Bobtail, Gunner DeLay, no seriously, that’s his name and he’s Tom DeLay’s cousin to boot,  is calling for “civil disobedience” to fight the health care bill.   Damn, that’s entertainment.

“What’s he going to do to stop health care?  Make stop washing their hands?  Force feed people cholesterol?  Sneeze on people?  I mean, can we get a moving picture show of these things?”  Juanita wants to know.

Civil disobedience?  Over health care? Cripes, yall, I may have to retire because all the truly funny people are perfectly serious.

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