Kesha Rogers is running for the Democratic nomination in CD 22 – Tom DeLay’s old seat now occupied by empty suit Pete Olson.

Ms. Rogers showed up with her supporters last night at the Democratic primary candidate forum looking for all the world like a cross between a Teabagger and a Scientologist.

Needless to say, she didn’t pick up any votes.

“You know,” starts Juanita, “I can call myself a Junebug, but that don’t make me a Junebug.  Kesha can call herself a Democrat but if she supports impeaching Barack Obama, she might as well be a Junebug.”

“Personally, I think she’s taken a few too many trips on that spaceship thingy.”

Juanita enjoys watching Republicans.  “I enjoy watching people so filled with outrage over every darn thing that they have to make appointments to find time to pray in public,” she begins.

She thinks she might enjoy voting the GOP primary this year because they have propositions on their ballot.  She is flat out shocked, shocked I tell you, that some Republican woman hasn’t pitched a fit about the use of the word “proposition” what with it being kinda sexual and all, and made them change it to “Things That Make Barack Obama Unhappy.”

You can see a sample GOP primary ballot by clicking here.  It’ll open in the pdf thingy.

They have 5 propositions.

The first one is that you have to have a picture ID to vote.  That wouldn’t be dripping with irony except that your two affirmative choices for your vote are YES and SI.  “I hope they don’t mean a driver’s license because I don’t look a thing like the picture on my driver’s license.  I just have to take the Texas Department of Transportation’s word on it that I looked like that,” Juanita frets.

“The second one is that all – and they do mean all – government spending is limited to a formula that it takes Chinese algebra to figure out.  It says that you can arrive at a number by adding inflation and population growth and dammit you can’t spend more than that.  Not even if there’s a war, which is kinda how we got here in the first place,” she rolls her eyes.  “Yeah, find something that doesn’t work, boys, and then just keep on doing it!”

“The third one is about cutting income tax,” she grins.  “You’re stingy.  We get it.”

“Then after all that stingy and mean in the first three, they decided to hurry up and say something about God.  I do not think God appreciates this as much as Republicans suspect,” Juanita affirms.  “They say we should have public acknowledgment of God and the ten commandments.  I swear they do this to hide being stingy and mean.  Our local Republicans have their Christmas party at a damn bank.  That’s just kinda weird to me.  It kinda shows who you’re worshiping.”

“And, finally,” she smiles, “the last one is sliding in on the God high.  They want to force women to have sonograms prior to abortions.  They want the government out of their wallet and into my womb.”

“To tell you the truth,” she says as she puts the finishing hair spray on Betty’s hair, “just knowing there are people out there who think those issues are the most important things in the world amused me to such an extent that it literally improves my spiritual net worth.”

Well, Juanita’s a big fan of a new PAC called Political Hatchet Job Veterans for Truth. “Bob Perry doesn’t give us any money, which is the nicest thing I can say about our PAC,” she explains.

But, Bob Perry is back in the business of trying to buy a President. Let’s see, Swift Boat Veterans for Truth, Tom DeLay’s defense fund, the Economic Freedom Fund, and just about every hateful robo call ever made was funded by Perry. He’s no kin to Rick Perry, the Governor, except that they both think God speaks to them personally and gives them permission to look down on all the rest of us.

Last week, there was a mysterious anonymous $100,000 check delivered to the Aladamnbama GOP by Minnesooota Governor and truly disturbed man, Tim Pawlenty.

And sure enough, Pawlenty has now confirmed that it was indeed Perry. “The donor’s name was Bob Perry and he was somebody I was visiting in Texas on behalf of the Republican Governors Association and he noted that I was going to Alabama and asked if I would bring them a check so I said I would,” Pawlenty said today, reports the Minneapolis Star-Tribune.

I have no idea what Bob Perry’s dream of world domination means except that we’ll all be living in his claptrap houses naming our kids Doylene and worshipping some freaky mean God.

The Beauty Salon was open last night so we could all watch the live debate for the Democratic nominee and next Governor of Texas.  Former Democratic Party Chairman and Mayor of Houston Bill White squared off against hair care industrialist Farouk Shami.

Juanita will be the first to admit hat Bill White is low key.  “In fact,” she says, “he can be downright boring.  Honey, he could really use a glitter enema.”

However, White’s calm, nerdy, and wonky approach to questions seems a refreshing relief from the high screeching decibel and scare tactic campaign of Rick Perry and Kay Bailey Hutchison.  And, nobody wore a smug, goofy grin at the Democratic debate. Nobody.  Phew, that was pleasant.

“Bless Farouk Shami’s heart.  Just bless him,” Juanita sincerely means.  “There’s nothing quite as delightful and heartwarming as an immigrant’s love of his adoptive country.  However, he was ill-prepared for the debate.  Charming, indeed.  Electable, no.”

“I will guarantee 100,000 jobs in Texas in the first two years or I will give the state $10 million.”

“So,” Juanita wonders, ” if you guarantee those jobs, do you have any idea how many people from Oklahoma and Louisiana will be parking in Texas? ”

But her favorite statement of the night was Shami’s take on E-verify:  “Without Mexicans, it would be like a day without sunshine.”

Well, who can argue with that?

Juanita was perusing the Washington Post this morning when she came across a story that made her go take a shower.  “Pat Robertson is forty miles of rough road,” she explained.

Former Liberian president Charles Taylor, testifying in his war crimes trial in The Hague on Thursday, said that his government had awarded American televangelist Pat Robertson a gold mining concession in 1999 and that Robertson later offered to lobby the Bush administration on the government’s behalf.

The good news is that Robertson never found gold there.  Robertson claims to have given clean drinking water and medical care to 200 Liberians – prior, of course, to working them to death in his quest for worldly riches.

“I suspect that somewhere Robertson has mining concessions for frankincense and myrrh,” Juanita says, “Lord knows that son of a motherless goat is gonna need it.”

As most of you know, Juanita has been following the semi-tragic and nearly horrible victimization of Hannah Giles, the chick who played a hooker in the ACORN sting.  Hannah is the granddaughter of Fort Bend County’s own head busybody, State Republican Executive Committee Member and self-righteous harpy, Terese Raia.

“This has been better than fifty yard line seats at the Cotton Bowl,” Juanita grins.  “After prancing Miss Giles all over the county and Jesusfying her to everyone in shouting distance, it now appears that Miss Giles ain’t exactly what she pretended to be – the courageous little college student who went after the bad guys.”

“She’s opened a Victim Shop and gone into the lucrative business of being a perpetual injured party,” Juanita hoots.

Giles’s fundraising appeal, printed on pink paper and decorated with stars in what is supposed to look like purple marker, portrays her looming legal fights as nothing less than an epic battle between good and evil. Warning that her “ordeal is far from over” — “I fear it’s just the beginning,” she writes (emphasis hers) — Giles says that ACORN has no choice but to “make an example” of her.

“Victim, my patootie!  I guess Hannah never got taught that if you throw the first punch, somebody might respond with the second 7 punches.  And now Hannah is using false pretenses to separate people from their money.  She’s a televangelist, except with less morals,” Juanita says while pouring a cup of coffee.  “Don’t that just jar your preserves?”

By the way, Juanita discovered that Hanna’s daddy has a radio show.  It’s based on Jesus with an AK47.  It’ll make you throw up a little in your mouth.