Things have shut down at the beauty salon for us to call and check on friends and family in Austin today.

Austin customers, please check in.

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Juanita has an new thought in the “Don’t Make Me Slap Some Sense Into You, Honey” catagory.

We heard today that health insurance premiums will have a “shocking” increase.

“This shocking increase isn’t unique,” said the report, being presented by Secretary Kathleen Sebelius at a news conference Thursday. “Across the country, families have seen their premiums skyrocket in recent years, and experts predict these increases will continue.”

“One time Thelma asked me what I’d buy if I won the Texas Lottery,” Juanita recalls.  “I hadn’t pondered on it much because I figure the lottery is the Olympics for people who are really bad at math.”

“But, I thought about it and decided that if I won the lottery, I’d buy a congressman.  Heck, if it was a big one, I could probably buy 2 or 3,” she figures.  “Then I’d get me some legislation that says everybody has to get a weekly haircut.  But only from people who went to Miss Juanita’s House of Fabulous Beauty College and Notary Public School.  Then I’d open me that school.”

“Either that or I’d have my appendix out.  Cost about the same.”

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Juanita was reading online when she came across a mountain of dumb —

Nearly a third of Texans believe humans and dinosaurs roamed the earth at the same time, and more than half disagree with the theory that humans developed from earlier species of animals, according to the University of Texas/Texas Tribune Poll.

They also believe in unicorns, dragons, and that “fiscal conservative” is not an oxymoron.

Even more frightening —

Did humans live at the same time as the dinosaurs? Three in ten Texas voters agree with that statement; 41 percent disagree, and 30 percent don’t know.

“They don’t know,” Juanita figures, “because they weren’t there?”

This pretty much explains why Texas is still a red state.

Juanita wants you to know that there’s good news and there’s bad news.

The bad news is that she wasted a whole morning at the Richmond Post Office waiting for the  crazy man – Kesha Rogers for Congress’s campaign manager – to show up.  She made signs, some tin foil hats, and since it’s a gorgeous day here, she even brought a lawn chair and a bottle of Sangria.  She thinks she might have scared him off yesterday when she asked him, “Uh, exactly when did you break out in the crazies?”

But, she left the signs and tin foil hats in her trunk and will keep a look out.  If she could find a pony and offer pictures taken on the pony with the crazy dude, she could retire within a week.

Now for the good news:  If Juanita says it’s Christmas, Hon, you better go buy some little twinkling lights.  Remember when she told you that she was leery of any man who had to mention his “family values” three times on one pushcard?

Oh dear.  A customer arrived just minutes ago to let Juanita know that she was right on target about Richard Raymond – he’s running for District Attorney as the Republican John Edwards.  I’ll have a link for you soon.

I just didn’t want you to think that Juanita was goofing off today.

Where else in the world except America can a crazy person stand in front of a United States Post Office and say insane things?

Juanita went to the post office today to mail business cards to those of you who requested them and met a man who stopped people going into the post office to tell them, “Democrats are going to help us impeach Obama.”

Not the hell on Juanita’s watch.  “Dang fool LaRouchers,” Juanita proclaims.

So here’s the nutty guy who has set up shop to campaign for Kesha Rogers for Congress in front of the stinkin’ post office.

And he’s got his office set up on the side by the parking lot —

So, here’s the plan.  Verdelia is retired.  It is not wise to hack-off retired people.  Verdelia is making a big sign tonight that says “TALK TO A CRAZY DUDE.  25 CENTS” and is going to stand next to him all day tomorrow.  Hey, it doesn’t hurt to raise a little money.  And, any time he talks to her, she will answer in Czech.

Oh, this is gonna be good.

Okay, Juanita wants to know if you get the idea that this guy hollers all the damn time.

According to Juanita’s foreign correspondent in North Carolina, this guy is running in the Raleigh-Durham–Wake Forest area, one of the most liberal spots in North Carolina.

If you know of any more crazzzy Republican websites, post them here.  I just flat love this stuff!