For those of you paying attention, Juanita would consider it a personal favor if Texas Governor Rick Perry and Senator Kay Bailey Hutchison got themselves into a run off race for Texas Governor.

“Aside from the pure entertainment value, there’s also the massive amounts of money that Sarah Palin and Dick Cheney would have to raise to prove who has a lock on the heart of the GOP,” Juanita explains.  “That alone would do more for the Texas economy than Rick and Kay combined have ever done.”

Well, it appears that Juanita’s dream run-off may come to be.

Public Policy Polling puts the race  like this —

Perry leads with 40% to 31% for Hutchison and 20% for Medina, suggesting that a runoff is likely unless the Governor picks off most of the remaining undecideds.

Honey, if you’re an undecided Republican Texas voter at this point, you need to check to check your transmission fluid because you ain’t shifting properly.

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It must be Juanita’s lucky day.

Kesha Rogers, the Lyndon LaRoucher running for CD22 in Texas, put one of her charming yardsigns on Juanita’s property.  Juanita suspects that’s because there were other Dempcratic signs there.

“It’s my property,” Juanita explains, “so I figured it was a gift.  I brought it inside to enjoy.  It’s not all that often that someone leaves a gift on my property.”

“I’ve been pondering all morning what to use it for.  I mean, it’s nice and heavy and probably cost her a couple of dollars,” she says.  “Then Buck walked in about an hour ago and needed something to clean his fish on.  Did I have a deal for him or what!”

Juanita still contended that Kesha is just one Nike tennis shoe away from an honest to goodness spaceship cult.

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One of the great things about a small town beauty salon is that customers feel free to drop by and bring you gossip, breaking news, cookies, and jokes.

Our friend Richard did that just yesterday when he brought us a wonderful and amazing website for a guy running for Congress in Alpine, Texas.

“I love Brewster County, the biggest county in Texas, because it contains the Davis Mountains on the top, Big Bend National Park on the bottom, and miles and miles of perfectly delightful and proudly crazy folks in between,” Juanita smiles.

There’s a doctor, no seriously, a certified medical doctor, who is running for Congress in a courageous attempt to make Dr. Ron Paul look sane.

The Texas 23rd Congressional District is one of the largest districts in America and is now held by Democrat Ciro Rodriguez.  Ciro is a pretty good guy and a darn good chili chef.  That’s hard to beat anywhere in Texas.

Thankfully, his opponent blasts the top off the What-The-Hell-Is-He-Talking-About Meter.

It’s Wackorama over here.  I need to warn you to turn down the sound before you click the button.  Used car salesmen and crazy politicians use the same volume knob.

Please don’t miss the one where he puts underwear on his head.   If you miss that, you will never truly understand Texas politics.

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“I know I’m gonna hack off the libruls,” Juanita starts this morning as she puts on the coffee pot and adjusts the ankle strap on her pink pumps. “They’re gonna get all over me like green on grass about this.  And the librul bloggers are gonna be pounding the keyboards saying I’ve lost what little mind I ever had.”

They might be right, but I doubt it.

“I’m supporting Kinky Freidman for Agriculture Commissioner of the Great State of Texas and I don’t give a big bear’s butt who knows it,” she announces and then immediately ducks.

“I like Hank Gilbert.  I do.  But, I do not want to sit around for the next 8 months waiting for the next femur bone to drop out of his closet.  It’s probably a good thing he spent campaign funds on clothing because that might trap the skeltons,” she figures, adjusting that dang ankle strap again.

Verdelia interrupts, “Poor Ole Hank has more baggage than the train station.  On Saturday.  During National Suitcase week.  With all the lockers taken.  With the totebaganator running.  At a Samsonite convention. ….” Verdelia could go on forever with these things if you let her.

“Look,” Juanita interrupts, “I know that Kinky Friedman ain’t much to be proud of.  Heck, you couldn’t clean him up with steel wool.  However, I do agree with Jim Hightower that Kinky brings about 7 turnout percentage points to the table that Hank can’t touch – even with a cattle prod.”

“And, let us be semi-honest with ourselves here.  Bill White may be the best Governor that Texas would ever have.  I mean, he’d rank right up there with Sam Damn Houston.  I love Bill White.  But you and I both know that he needs a glitter enema.  I am not saying that there’s anything wrong with boring government.  I could use me a heavy dose of boring government after listening to Sarah Palin and Rick Perry gussy up facts and figures like streamers on a Maypole,” Juanita nods and looks over the top of her rhinestone glasses at Thelma, who loves, loves, just really loves Sarah Palin.

“Boring government would not be a horrible thing.  But, boring campaigns do not get voters to the polls.”

“You can say a whole lot of things about Kinky Friedman, but boring ain’t one of them,” Juanita rolls her eyes.

“I know you can find me a truck load of perfectly degrading things that Kinky has said about women or minorities or red heads or Mexicans or post hole diggers.  Hell, he’s offended everybody,” she admits.  “He’s a comic.  That’s what he does.”

“I am taking that into consideration.  But I’m  like Ann Richards was about The Liberal from Lufkin – Charlie Wilson.  Ann said, ‘Yeah, I know he’s a pig, but he votes right.’  There’s a whole lot you can put up with from a man with weaknesses as long as he votes right and fesses up to his weaknesses,” Juanita speaks from experience.

“And look at it this way,” she suggests, “If Kinky gets caught in bed with a woman, people would probably applaud.  Heck, even if he gets caught in bed with a horse, he’d claim he was just doing his part for Texas agriculture.  I’d certainly be proud.”

“And when you get to the bottom of this well, the truth is that Kinky has the advice of the best damn ag commissioner this state has ever seen in Jim Hightower.  I imagine Jim has Kinky’s ear, and if he doesn’t, he’ll have his butt.”

“And,” she adds with a grin, “if Jim needs a branding iron or a lasso, he can borrow mine.”

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Fort Bend Democrats Club was honored to have Texas singer / songwriter Hank Woji come sing for us at our last meeting.

Listen to his “Pigs At The Trough,” and see if you don’t think he ought to come sing for us at the State Convention in June.

Boyd, you know where to find me and I know where to find Hank.

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I’ve heard Ron Paul speak more times that I care to admit.  So has Juanita.

“He’s missing a rudder or something,” Juanita opines.  “He starts off sounding like a normal human person, but then he wanders off into very strange lonely places.  He starts saying stuff like ‘no taxes, freedom, hate the IRS, it’s MY money, personal freedom, group freedom, pickle relish, your granny’s undies, trig function, War of 1812, soft socks…..’ and all the teabaggers in the room think to themselves, ‘he’s not nuts; he’s just deep and smarter than me’ because they are accustomed to being the dumbest person in the room.”

“So, anyway, Ron Paul has a personal grudge.  He’s riled up and hacked off.  He has found a new enemy of America, and thank God it ain’t me,” she says with tremendous relief.

“Ron Paul is furious at Woodrow Wilson.   You know, the dead guy.  I mean, if I have to pick somebody to be mad at, it’s gonna be a dead guy,” Juanita assures us.  “I’ve got to go with him on that one.  I mean, what dead guy is gonna be able to argue with you?”

While nearly every speaker at this week’s Conservative Political Action Conference has railed against President Barack Obama, Rep. Ron Paul saved his heavy fire for another Democratic president: Woodrow Wilson.

Yes, Wilson, who left the White House in 1921 and died in 1924.

The Gulf Coast congressman, famous as an anti-government icon, raked Wilson over the coals for pursuing the League of Nations, promoting fiscal irresponsibility and attacking personal freedoms. He charged that Wilson’s failures are playing a strong role in many of America’s current problems, and he even stoked the crowd when they starting booing Wilson’s name.

Juanita just wanted y’all to know about this in case Ron Paul’s people start showing up at rallys with pictures of Woodrow Wilson with a little Hitler mustache and you have absolutely no idea what that means.  Not that you would understand anything at all at a teabagger rally anyway, because they’re talking about soft socks and pickle relish and the rest of us have moved on to this century and reality.

Verdelia says she thinks everything is Plato’s fault.  “He made thinkin’ popular and look where that’s got us,” she says.

She does have a point, you know.

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