This is NOT a blog. This is a professional political organization so there are a few rules.

I take full and personal responsibility for everything that appears here, including my typos and misspellings. I’m a grown-up. Grown-ups do that. So, I will not let you say anything I am not willing to take legal responsibility for. If you want to say libelous things without accountability, go put a sheet over your head. You can comment tacky things about me here because Lord knows I am a tacky woman, but you better be honest about which tacky things you say.

No one is allowed to comment as “Anonymous” because it’s very confusing when I try to figure out who to call an idiot. It does not take a triple digit IQ to come up with a handle. Hell, truckers can come up with a handle. Don’t make me come over there and slap ya.

You cannot cuss outside of damn and hell and maybe – just once or twice – you can say sumbitch, but only when the content absolutely warrants or Ted Cruz is mentioned.  Momma comes to this website.  Momma is  87 years old but she will get on an airplane and come wash your mouth out with soap.  You think I’m joking?  I’m not.

Now to the fun stuff.  If I know you, you can comment without me reading it first.  If I don’t know you, you can’t. I have to approve it and I’m a busy woman. Being the Texas Chainsaw Manicurist takes time out of my day, so you might have to wait to get your comment approved. That’s what you get for not knowing me. It’s a tough price to pay.

This is not a democracy – it’s a beauty salon and I say what gets posted.

The last time I was in a good mood was 1954.   Just letting you know in case you want to complain.

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50 Comments to “Rules”


    I used to read you regularly in the Fort Bend Star (I believe it was), then you disappeared. You must have really stepped on some toes. Glad to have found your site and welcome back!

  2. Whoa! Juanita Jean, do you do men’s haircuts? Considering that you run The World’s Most Dangerous Beauty Salon I’d expect the guys to be lining up the way they do to ride that mechanical bull at the local saloon after a few shots of tequila on Friday night. I mean, really, what a great way to show you got cojones! Do you take walk-ins or do I need an appointment?

  3. Hey Juanita, just came across your site by accident – I love it! I am a displaced Texan (from the Panhandle) living in Washington state. Rick Perry was whacked up side the head with a stupid stick at some point in his childhood. I will be reading you daily to learn more about this. I am sending your url to my family and friends. My momma and her husband are two of the few Democrats in West Texas. In 2007, she wore her “Obama for President” button to bridge club just to shut the rest of them up from talking so stupid about McCain. One of my sisters lived in Juneau, AK until recently. She came down to my area for some surgery just before the presidential election. She found out that one of the nurses loved Sarah “I quit” Palin. She went under ranting about “that liar” and when we were with her as she came out, she picked up where she left off. Thanks for the posts that I know will be very informative and entertaining in the coming months!

  4. I’ll eat anything you cook!

  5. I’ve missed Molly Ivans something fierce until now… You’re like Molly on steroids!
    Viva Juanita!!!

  6. ellen the red says:

    Let’s hear it for the Wall Street Occupiers! Let’s hear it for the people publicizing the “I am the 99%” campaign. Let’s hear it for Juanita Jean and her plain ol’ truth and common sense!

    Maybe we all need to stop complaining to each other, or whispering in the corners about how inequitable things are and start making a “little bit o’ noise” out there in the world.

    Will be marching with the “Occupiers” this weekend.


  7. Terri Kaufman says:

    I stumbled on your website not long ago and have really enjoyed it. Ever since Ann and Molly left us, I haven’t been much interested in Texas politics, but you add a lot of the national soap opera. When people bleat about states rights, I always say, ” I live in Texas so i’ll take my chances with the Federal government running the real important things”. I’ve lived here since ’68 and we just keep going to the right. If we don’t stop soon, we’ll fall off that flat earth. Keep on talking Juanita.

  8. Marge Wood says:

    I think we should start a campaign to get Rick Perry to get a truck driving job. I can just see him at truckstops, wowing the guys with his tall tales. Somebody over in New Mexico sent me one of your blogs and I told the rest of the world so you can blame him for any new crazies you got. Me, I’m not crazy, I’m just fed up. I want music! Let’s make up some songs about current events.

  9. Hi…I stumbled on to this site while looking for a decent picture of Fred Biery to post with my comment on his order in the Schultz v Medina Case. Yours is one of the few “I like Fred Biery” websites I have found. I loved your article. My article can be read at if you care to do so. I am enjoying your site.

  10. Jane Lenoir says:

    I have been led here by my e-mail friend marge…and I thank you. As an old white-haired Texas hippie chick whose heroes were Ann Richards, Barbara Jordan, and Molly Ivins, I think I may have come to the right place…

  11. Double nickel says:

    I’m not sure how I found you but I’m glad I did! I will post polite political snark with a Canadian point of view on occasion, but mostly I’m just here to read and take in an American perspective on a regular basis.

  12. Katie Johnsonius says:

    Marge Wood turned ME on to you, Juanita Jean, and it’s just one more thing that I have to thank her for. You’re doing for me what Molly did for so long and so well. Glad to know ya!

  13. Peggy Mitchell says:

    I pledge allegiance to Juanita Jean of Texas, United States of America. And to the republicans who I can not stand,I drop my drawers in a moon salute to remind them this is one nation, under God, indivisable with liberty and justice for ALL and if you don’t want to share we will be happy to kick your ass over to Russia!

  14. nonpareil says:

    Wish I could hang out all afternoon long with you, Juanita. I’m here in a cluster of progressives called Tucson with a bastion of right-wing hate/nutjobs called the state of Arizona surrounding us. Problem is graft and evil trying to destroy us while we sleep. I too cannot control my mouth always and forever, and do not intend to. Uppity women are at the heart of the 2012 shift! Thanks for your website.

  15. Hey Juanita Jean, You know, a woman of your stature should know: ‘rules are made to break!’ i’ve had that problem most of my life, but I will try to contain myself for this particular site. It’s the least I can do, for such a high minded place.
    Thanks for the opportunity to ‘spill it’. Not many sites are this irreverant, (*sp), so I am proud to find ya.! Here, in San Antonio, we are especially fond of our Obama man, but as you know, the majority of the state is blood red and bleeding, so I try to lay low, except for the hope and change stickers all over my bumper. Keep on spewing and I will keep coming back!

  16. Juanita Jean, I’ve lurked here for some time, but I figure it’s high time (and only good manners) to finally introduce myself.

    I am an Amurrica-hatin’ pinko-commie-soshulist-fascist (aka: liberal) living in blood-red East Texas. Tyler, to be exact. Louie Gohmert (‘scuse me while I gag) is my Congresscritter. Sometimes I feel so all alone in the vast sea of jaw-dropping, WTF stupidity that is East Texas that I thank you most profusely for providing this place where I can come and see that not everyone in Texas has gone insane.

  17. dang it ..juanita….i m enjoying your words and the words of your commenters… i losing it..?? and some of it makes sense..yup..i m losing it…dang…but tks i know i m losing it…and now i got to tell you i lied..
    true name,true email..but i got no website..(i aint smart enough…)whew i feel better confessing all..
    tks for adding me to your family of no checking my comments…i ll try to think fore i

  18. Dear Miss Juanita,
    I found you by lurking a stranger’s facebook public page – I’d say my misbehavior paid off rather nicely! I am a lonely and outnumbered Democrat here in SE Georgia hoping to become a regular here and make your social-networkness acquaintance. And I love your rules, yes ma’am I do.
    Vicki Fish

  19. Ron Nelson says:

    Hey Jaunita, the following is an original song, a parody on Mitt Romney that is sung to the tune of ‘7 and a half cents’
    from the Broadway musical/movie, ‘Pajama Game’ starring Doris Day. For those to young to remember it you can find it on Y-Tube. Would love for someone to pick it up and put it on y-Tube. I think it would go viral.
    Not expecting any money here, just want to trash out the Romney Campaign. Ron Nelson 214 942 4555

    Forty Seven Per Cent
    (Sung to the tune of ‘Seven and a Half Cents’ from ‘Pajama Game’)
    by Ron Nelson

    I figured it out,, I figured it out,, with my pencil and my pad I figured it out.

    Forty seven per cent isn’t such a heck of a lot,
    Forty seven per cent doesn’t mean a thing,
    But fifty grand per dinner,, now that is really hot!!
    And that’s enough to keep me living like a king.

    Forty million poor folk, isn’t such a heck of a lot,
    They don’t even bother me, they don’t mean a thing.
    But lots and lots of millionaires, money in my campaign!!
    Well, that’s enough to keep me living like a king.

    I figured it out,, I figured it out,, with my pencil and my pad I figured it out.

    Fourteen per cent, isn’t such a heck of a tax,
    Fourteen per cent, doesn’t mean a thing,
    But twenty million every year and every year and every year,,
    That’s enough to keep me living like a king.

    Lots of secrete bank accounts doesn’t mean a heck of a lot,
    Cayman Islands, Switzerland, tax-shelters are my thing,
    Quarter billion net worth,, now, that is really hot!!,,
    And that’s enough to keep me living like a king.

    I figured it out,, I figured it out,, with my pencil and my pad I figured it out.

    Six houses that I own isn’t such a heck of a lot,
    Elevator for my cars doesn’t mean a thing.
    Servants, horses for my wife, and I will kid you not!!
    That’s enough to keep me living like a king.

    Bain Capitol was my thing,, bankrupting companies.
    Making millions every time, doesn’t mean a thing.
    Lots of people out of work, lots of jobs sent overseas
    Was enough to keep me,, living like a king.

    I figured it out,, I figured it out,, with my pencil and my pad I figured it out.

    Forty seven per cent isn’t such a heck of a lot,
    Forty seven per cent doesn’t mean a thing.
    But fifty grand per dinner,, now that is really hot!!
    And that’s enough to keep me living like a king.

  20. Charlie Ammen says:

    Juanita, A dear friend in Andrews, TX directed me to your site, and I love it. I was going crazy reading comments on CNN articles. I was born in New Orleans, but lived most of my life here in Colorado where we have just as many wackos as you have. I am in Colorado Springs home of Focus On The Family. They’re so prominent here, they have their own highway exit sign. Love the site. Keep up the good work.


  21. Carol Anne says:

    How do I subscribe to your awesomeness? I have to rely on others to tell me what you’ve said each day!

  22. Juanito, 1st visit to your site. Was recomended by a commentator on the Huff Post. You’re a breath of fresh air. Didn’t realize there was anyone with a sense of humor in Texas. Understand many in the Lone Star state want to secede from the Union. If it happens, I have a spare bedroom up here in Wisconsin.(That’s not a proposition)

  23. Jonathon Hubbert says:

    Being an SMU grad from ‘some other place than Texas’ – Kentucky, don’t laugh, I’m interested in some of what goes on in Texas. Having been exposed to Molly I. – I am also excited to hear of one who is almost … as inciteful, funny, biting, acerbic, acidic and politically adroit as I remember her to have been.
    She and I shared a particularly personal disdain for shrub.
    Rules are fine; they elevate culture to civilization.

  24. May Phifer says:

    As to New Year’s Resolutions, the one I should plan on fulfilling if NOT following so closely political blogs. But I know that as of about 7 am PST, I will be back checking on all the political blogs I follow. As one of the barely making it elderly, I know I “should” be actually “doing something”, but the siren call of the blogs keeps over-riding that “should be doing something constructive”. Thanks, Juanita, or should I call you Your Awesome-ness”.

  25. Kara Lawrence says:

    Oh, Juanita, how I wish I had known of you when I lived in Houston!! You have single-handedly raised my opinion of the state.

  26. Tomorrow the House Commerce and Economic Development Committee will hold a hearing on House Bill 2023, which would restrict the constitutional right of teachers and public employees to engage in political speech. This bill does many things, but what you should know right now is that it prohibits professional associations from advocating for or against public questions. This means that if the Legislature pushes through a constitutional amendment to sidestep the recent court order to fund Kansas schools, it would appear on the April ballot and Kansas teachers would be silenced from campaigning against it. There are no such restrictions on business advocacy organizations, such as the Kansas Chamber of Commerce. I hope you will share this information. You can read the full bill here:

  27. I quit going to Texas in 1980 when it became apparent to me that it could be permanently fatal for someone with my political sensitivities to get uppity. I am a card carrying white boy and hard-wired Hagel Republican.

    One of the things I have noticed about Texas elections is that conservatives win the majority vote with consistently less than 50% of the electorate voting. If ever there was an example of a successful campaign of voter suppression, it seems to be Texas.

  28. Marge Wood says:

    Carole, honey, I believe you but you know what? Lots of teachers and public employees already believe it’s illegal for them to make political noises. It’s a total shame. I betcha a nickel that this bill was fully funded by the Koch Brothers and is an ALEC bill.

    And Tom Wilson, you jist come on to Austin; we take all types here. Thank goodness.

  29. Found my wayward way here thru the DU site…you’re as fun as Molly Ivins. I’m in Georgia where our crackers jus luuved ya’ll’s Rick Perry. I AINT one of them. Glad to meetcha and hope you invite me back sometime. I sure had fun!

  30. I just found you and I feel I’d like to invite you over for some cheap wine and munchies on my back deck. Any time I plan a girl’s weekend you are most sincerely invited to attend. Just bring chocolate or booze. That’s the price of admission… except for the pair of Italian sisters I know… they bring their mama’s pasta and biscotti. 😉

  31. Patti Mulkey says:

    My first visit to your site and I hurt myself laughing. My mind was saying “There you are, there is the Texas I know and love. You didn’t thin out with the lose of Molly Ivans, Ann Richards, et al.” As a transplanted Texan in the foreign state of Colorado, I need a dose of Texas frequently to survive the challenging stupidity that is Colorado politics.

  32. I like this site. It has bright colors, and nice clear type.
    Like the “Beauty School” facade at the top of the column very much.

  33. Thank goodness for your insight. You put a smile on my face every day.

  34. Donna Wade says:

    I’m a monthly columnist for the Lesbian News and found you while doing a little research on Molly Ivins for my January column. After rereading scores of her columns, I realized how very much I miss her, because I so looked forward to her columns. She was who I aspire to be. So it seems fitting that I should find your site during my review of her work.

    I look forward to receiving your emails. I spent a lot of my formative years in Georgia, so am well aware of southern cultural idiosyncracies. So, this could be fun!

    Donna J. Wade

  35. Len Jackson says:

    Thank the good Lord that you and your website exist. Where would I be if only the Ft. Worth Startlegram, Denton Wretched Comical, or Dallas Morning Snooze were all I had to read while seeking the latest political info. Molly is smiling knowing that you are carrying the torch she used to shed light on the darkest arenas Keep up the good work.

  36. Well… Someone should start it… Ted Cruz hahaha

  37. David Peden says:

    I love your rules. They kind of remind me of my grandmother, who was born in Paris TX and took me in when my mom died when I was 4. She saw that I knew how to read and write before I entered school, that I did my homework, and kept my hair shorter than I wanted. She would have me go out in the yard and “cut a switch.” You know what for. She also taught me a lot about Southern cooking, and the right way to make cornbread. The essence of her rules were, her way or the highway. That must be a thing with ladies from Texas of a certain age. I love your website and will miss you deeply during your upcoming absence.

  38. Glad I found you.

  39. Oh Juanita!
    I just found you today. Thank you God, Jesus, Mohammed, Buddha, Dali Lama, Ganesh, or whoever else helped me find you. Reading your non-blog is like falling into soft cotton! I live in South Texas. My senator is Blake Farenthold. My congressman is Ted Cruz. Need I say anymore? I want to be you when I grow up. I am 68 and I’ve a lot of growing up to do.

  40. Thank heavens for Juanita Jean. She sure reminds me of Molly Ivins and makes living in a red state more comical than depressing. I’m an Okie and we definitely share the same issues so please don’t moon me.

  41. LoneLiberal inCollinCo says:

    JuanitaJean I wish I could send (nearly) all my fellow Collin County (TX) residents to your Beauty School!!

  42. Very funny and witty site, I love it!! Thank you for sharing,

  43. I really like your writing style, great information, thanks for posting :D.

  44. Jere Armen says:

    This is not a comment, but I wanted to point out this article in case you haven’t already seen it:
    Keep up the good work, ma’am.

  45. tracey marie says:

    This is hilariously spot on…was told to read your articles by a fan. Nicetameetya.

  46. “At one point I didn’t know whether I would play snooker again. Confidence-wise the injury knocked me about for a few months and that showed in the way I was playing.

  47. Susan Hayes says:

    Boy am I glad I found you! It’s nice to have something less than dismal to look forward to!

  48. Old white guy says:

    Glad to have found this site. It seems to have a Molly Irvins spirit. I like that.

  49. There is a definite demand for an alternative to the current right wing news Cartel. It is a fact that the largest part of the world’s media is controlled by right wing capitalists. Their intention is to spread the cause of capitalism and maintain the world’s differentials between rich and those in need. Left Insider promotes left wing news from reputable news sites such as Red Pepper and Buzz Feed etc. Everyone has the right to fully exploit our own qualities and we all have the duty to help others achieve theirs.


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