Even If It Has Auto-Correct?
Yeah, Texas, of course damn Texas.
There’s a guy in Texas by the name of Chris Sevier. Severe is suing Harris County and the State of Texas because they won’t let him marry his Mac computer.
He’s perfectly serious. He’s trying to overturn Obergefell, the ruling that allowed same gender marriage in Texas. And he’s using his love for his Mac to do it. I guess every damn goat in Brenham turned him down.
He is trying to prove that, essentially, marriage between a same-sex couple can be equated to marriage between a man and a machine. He is trying to prove that, under Obergefell v. Hodges, the landmark U.S. Supreme Court case that legalized same-sex marriage, people are now allowed to do morally disgusting things like marry whomever they are attracted to, whether that be inanimate objects or the same gender.
So, he’s giving the courts an ultimatum – If Rick can marry Bob, surely I can marry Connie the Computer.
And if you wonder why he picked a laptop instead of …. oh, I dunno, a tractor? … there might be some clues in this lawsuit that he filed against Apple in 2013. In the lawsuit, he says he “loves Apple,” but wants stop Apple from selling computers that show pornography.
Damn Apple, forcing you to look at porn.
Thanks to John for the heads up.
Oh, for God’s sake … When you think there is no more stupid available in Texas … we just get more stupider stupid!!
I don’t know how the “sane” folks of Texas deal with all this stupid!!
1Too many little Chris jokes and not enough tread on the shoes to outrun Mama.
2Ya know, there are some judges who just love to draw blood out of trivial lawsuits. Somewhere there is such a jurist just waiting for this to land in his courtroom!
3Maggie@3:
I sure hope so.
How does one obtain consent from a non-sentient entity? (I’m not sure that there’s only one non-sentient entity involved there…) If it’s not 18 years old, does Mr. Sevier want to defend himself against statutory rape charges? How does Mr. Sevier know the gender (if any) of his computer?
Inquiring minds don’t really want to know, but might be very amused.
4Chris & Apple up in a tree
5K-i-s-s-i-n-g
His girlfriend saw
Now he’s embarrassed
Porn’s still around
So he’ll try that for marriage
You can’t ask “How stupid can you get?”
6Too many people see it as a challenge.
Wherever thou shalt go, whatever thou shalt do, there shall be assholes.
7What model Apple? Wouldn’t it have to be over 18 years of age? And how can an inanimate object consent to anything?
He’d have better luck registering a corporation to vote. After all, they’re people, too…
8Either funny or pathetic. He needs to get a life, preferably one that takes lots of energy.
9As far as I know Macintosh is a male name so this guy wants to marry his Mac therefore he would be gay marrying his computer – let him. It would be saving the female population from having anything to do with a total idiot loser. Unlike Kim Davis, I’ll sign his gay-puter marriage license.
10He must have money (obviously not brains) to burn.
11Can Suri scream rape?
12What amuses me most is the logistics of potential here. Computers become obsolete very quickly now–and yes some human spouses do too. So if he upgrades does he 1) have to get a divorce from current model, 2) have to remarry? And if he throws out the current model, what would that make him, widower?
But mostly I’m just disgusted that a person believes that an inanimate object is the same as a fellow human in the prior ruling. Big time jerk!
13Star: following that logic if her hard drive fails is she legally dead and therefore he can collect social security? If he does upgrade to a new MAC will he have to pay his old MAC support so that she can “live” in the style that she has become accustomed to? What about software that he doesn’t like – ctrl, alt delete – hell thats aborting a program!!! Will they be made go to an Apple store in another county where they probe her, show her pictures of other Mac’s program lists and make them both wait 24 hours until she can get rid of the program? Before they are married to they both need to get tested for viruses – who to use McAfee or Norton? Hey is she of legal age? Wouldn’t you really need an 18 year old Mac to marry them? Just so many questions and so little left in my bottle of wine!
14Star: following that logicWhat about software that he doesn’t like – ctrl, alt delete – hell thats aborting a program!!! Will they be made go to an Apple store in another county where they probe her, show her pictures of other Mac’s program lists and make them both wait 24 hours until she can get rid of the program? Before they are married to they both need to get tested for viruses – who to use McAfee or Norton? Hey is she of legal age? Wouldn’t you really need an 18 year old Mac to marry them? Just so many questions and so little left in my bottle of wine!
15Can’t wait for him to give Connie computer crabs. I’m guessing he will need to get his weinie whittled into the shape of a USB port to consummate their wedded bliss.
16“The Court can rule on this one from the bench. Dismissed with $10,000 sanctions. The plaintiff is to be reminded that the courtroom doesn’t host open mike stand up.”
17Marriage is (for one thing) a legal contract between consenting adults. IMO, this dude’s computer will not qualify as a consenting adult.
Members of other (Earth) species also would not qualify, because the other species are not in a position to legally challenge Homo Sapiens.
Now, if we should contact Aliens, maybe all bets are off. (If the extra-terrestrial aliens are interested, I guess it is none of our business.)
18Slight problem. The story neglected to list Chris Sevier’s elected position in Texas. I mean, surely the GOP got this guy elected to something.
19All comments are totally laugh-worthy!!
20Could he be related to David Sevier of Alvin and the Chipmunks fame? Mayhaps he has a female chipper groupie giving new meaning to the term organ grinder.
21So, how does he know Apple has porn?
22Mac users are supposed to be brighter. He just sullied out reputations.
23Correction: Sullied our ….
Meanwhile, I need to check the system files to see if pornography was included with OSX. Would it be an application?
24There is precedence for human/non-human marriage. Back when I was young I remember some tender young Idaho potato wanted to marry David Brinkley and ma and pa would not allow it. Why? Cuz Brinkley was just a commentator.
25This guy is not even a buffoon. He’s more like a spitoon.
Thanks y’all. Guffaws aplenty.
26Who is that Texas (I think) judge that writes all those humorous opinions? I would hope he would get the case and the his ruling spreads far and wide.
27There is an easy way to fix a computer so that it won’t allow porn to be displayed.
Pull the plug. Then cut the wire. (It’s okay if this guy chooses to cut the wire first.)
28I don’t blame the judge for asking Sevier to limit his filing to 20 pages. His Nashville suit is 50 pages long. It starts out with a link to a YouTube video he made that explains everything for the court. (The video has been deleted because of explicit content.) He them rambles on for 50 pages about pornography, family, religion, guns, patriotism–you name it. Wow!
29Might be a lil tough typing on a sticky keyboard! Just sayin…
30Ideally, the judge will rule that Chris Sevier can’t marry anybody–male, female, bi, trans, plastic–until he has gone through nonreligious psychological treatment and has not filed a suit for any reason for five years, and passed a mental sobriety test.
31Poor guy. It wasn’t just the goats that turned him down. The horses also said neigh.
32I see no evidence that the computer gave consent to this.
33Is anyone surprised that this guy does not have a real, human wife?
34The real problem with his lawsuit is that he has an actual shot at winning. Apple products are smart enough to form consent.
35