Because It’s Aladamnbama, Where They Have Weaponized Jesus

April 13, 2017 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Holy crap.

The Alabama Senate has voted to allow a church to form its own police force.

Lawmakers on Tuesday voted 24-4 to allow Briarwood Presbyterian Church in Birmingham to establish a law enforcement department.

The church says it needs its own police officers to keep its school as well as its more than 4,000 person congregation safe.

The Presbyterians need their own police?  The regular police force doesn’t have enough Tasers for Jesus?

Briarwood Presbyterian Church describes themselves in their mission statement —“For God’s glory, we are committed to equipping Christians to worship God and to reach Birmingham to reach the world for Christ.”

I wonder how excited they are going to be when the mosque forms a police force.

I bet that idea was too big to fit in any of the small minds in the Alabama legislature.

Thanks to AlanInAustin and Ralph for the heads up.

Be social and share!

0 Comments to “Because It’s Aladamnbama, Where They Have Weaponized Jesus”


  1. Rastybob says:

    They should have Nukes to.
    Like in “Nuke a Rag head for Jesus.”

    1
  2. You gotta wonder how big their jurisdiction will be. I mean, say for instance, if it’s encompasses a Catholic church, will they be able to fine the parishioners for baptizing differently? What about when they catch ole Jim Bob with his eyes open during the prayer at the football game? Revenue!!

    2
  3. All this after the departure of the “Luv Guv”? What? Did they think we were gutting bored?

    And Presbyterians, fer pete’s sake! Are they going to be armed? Yeah, we all know that there have been times when being in church is dangerous (Mother Emmanual in Charleston), but holy cow! No! Really “holy” cow! Oh, yeah, I know. I’ve heard over the years if only Peter had been fully locked and loaded in the garden, Jesus would never have been taken by the Romans. Like, these guys really didn’t have a clue about Rome’s soldiers.

    Cheez on a cracker!

    3
  4. What if a transgender muslim applies for a job as one of the church officers. Bet that would work well!

    4
  5. charles phillips says:

    Just what this country needs, a police force run by evangelicals. You know, those people who profess their love for their gays by advocating violence?

    The oft heard cry “Why do you make me beat you?” will replace “Quit resisting” as this catches on.

    I’m sure Jeff Sessions will love it!

    5
  6. oldymoldy says:

    sounds pretty sharia-ish to me!
    not gonna doit!

    6
  7. I thought faith in God was supposed to keep them safe…

    7
  8. charles phillips says:

    If they get an armed force to cordon off their schools and church, does that make them a cult?

    8
  9. Presbyterians? There must be a different type of Presbyterian in Alabama. I could understand if it were for traffic control but apparently it isn’t.

    9
  10. charles phillips says:

    Merry, I was just thinking the same thing. I was raised in the Presbyterian church, and all I saw was modest, humble people.

    10
  11. Republicanism – the modern Feudal System where might/money makes right and everyone fends for themselves.

    It would be nice if we had Public education (available to anyone/everyone that taught the why, the reason and benefits of a Democratic Government. regulation of bad guys and how taxes are supposed to work and why they are essential to a Civil Society.

    11
  12. Who would Jesus bust?

    12
  13. It sounds as though any Muslims in Alabama probably need their own police force. For self defense.

    In a broad sense what this church is doing is a form of terrorism. But it’s okay ’cause it’s white Christian terrorism.

    13
  14. Sandridge says:

    Merry,
    These critters are of the Presbyterian Church in America (PCA) sect, which split from the mainline Presbies in 1973.
    The schism began to develop pre-Civil War, and they were once known as “Presbyterian Church in the Confederate States of America”, so you get an idea where they stand today.
    The modern PCA formed in Birmingham in 1973 at this same Briarwood church.
    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Presbyterian_Church_in_America

    I really wish we could get “religion”, any and all of them, the F out of US (and world) governmental affairs at all levels. Taxing their myriad property and business interests would make a good start too.

    This in-house churchy security force idea isn’t new, I think most talivangelicalfundie mega-church ones already have them (EG: in San Antonio’s Cornerstone, John Hagee’s realm) .

    14
  15. Turn the other cheek while I reload!

    15
  16. It’s fortunate for Jesus, that when he went into the temple to cast out the money changers and dove sellers an armed Temple Police Force didn’t strike him down on the spot. To keep their congregation safe. From Jesus.

    16
  17. maggie, Peter wasn’t locked and loaded in the garden, but somebody was. It’s in several gospels, but this is the Matthew version I found first, 26:50-52.

    …Then came they, and laid hands on Jesus, and took him. And behold, one of them which were with Jesus stretched out his hand, and drew his sword, and struck a servant of the high priest’s, and smote off his ear. Then said Jesus unto him, Put up again thy sword into his place: for all they that take the sword shall perish with the sword.

    Trying to defend your master against an armed mob and only managing to slice off a servant’s ear suggests that somebody either didn’t know diddly about using a sword or else had a little too much Passover wine, but the point is that somebody *was* armed and Jesus told him to knock it off.

    I’m guessing that this is one of many groups of verses mysteriously missing from some people’s Bibles. (Which is why I, as an atheist, keep a complete one near at hand.)

    17
  18. Don A in Pennsyltucky says:

    The just copied Texas. If a school district can have its own police force and a church can have a school it’s natural that the church have its own police force, too.

    18
  19. That Other Jean says:

    Going to end up in court in 3. . .2. . .

    19
  20. They need their own police because xtian actually do know how well their ahole gawd protects them from evil!!!

    20
  21. maryelle says:

    Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition, and if you don’t put enough in the collection basket, duck and roll.

    21
  22. Old Quaker (Colorado) says:

    Just what authority will they have, what geographical boundries, which laws can they enforce, can they make up their own laws and go across the street and arrest, heaven forbid, some Quakers or Zoroastrians?

    BTW I was raised Presbyterian and they were quite sensible. The Kirk of Balmaghie in in Kirkcudbrightshire Scotland, where our kin still worship, was once an RC church that John Knox converted to presbyterianism. I’ve been there, visited the graves of my g-g-great grandparents and more. Not a gun in sight. Too bad they are allowed to call themselves Presbyterians; with a capital P no less.

    22
  23. Redneck Josh says:

    There will be a paragraph in the bill saying this is the only church allowed under this law. That way the Muslims can’t import Isis to protect their Mosques, if any exist in Aladamnbama.

    23
  24. publius bolonius says:

    THrough the years, I have noticed that some Presb. congregations seem extremely concerned with parking arrangements. Maybe that’s the problem here. Just guessing.

    24
  25. L'Angelomisterioso says:

    @Old Fart#7- Mayhap you and I both being 0ld farts old enough to remember when, and why they called Birmingham, Bombingham. I’d believe some state legislators in Aladamnbama are about to get a quick lesson in constitutionality. I don’t believe even Gorsuch could find in favor of this stinky piece.

    25
  26. Mah Fellow Murkuhn says:

    There is a huge difference between PCA (Presbyterian Church in America) and PCUSA (Presbyterian Church in the USA). PCA is just Baptists who sprinkle, and may be even more conservative than mainstream Baptists. PCUSA is a liberal church that allows women to be ordained, which is anathema to PCA. But the waters are considerably muddied if one doesn’t have a program.

    26
  27. It may be worth noting that they are almost certainly paying for this police force with tax-free money.

    27