I have no stinkin’ idea why we didn’t see this coming. I should’ve seen this. It had to happen. I’m sorry I have to blindside you with it.
The religious right is rewriting the Bible.
Phyllis Schlafly’s (a name that causes cold shivers in any woman who was there in the 60’s) son has decided that the Holy Bible, The Good Book, is far too damn liberal.
No, no, no, no … I am not kidding you.
Liberal bias in the media pales in comparison to what you’ll find in your standard-issue Bibles, according to Conservapedia.com, a kind of Wikipedia for the religious right. The King James Bible, not to mention more recent translations like the New International Version (NIV), are veritable primers of progressive agitprop.
So, he’s getting together folks to help him re-translate it.
We have examples:
Take that story where the mob surrounds a woman accused of adultery and gets ready to stone her, but Jesus intervenes and says, “He who is without sin, let him cast the first stone” (John 7:53-8:11). It might have been a later addition that wasn’t in the original Gospels, according to some right-thinking, or rather right-leaning scholars. So the editors have excised this bleeding-heart favorite from the Good Book, and they’ve also removed Jesus’ words on the cross, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.”
“The simple fact is that some of the persecutors of Jesus did know what they were doing,” Schlafly points out, proving that, “Jesus might never had said it at all.”
You mean they knew what they are doing – kinda like you, Mr. Heretic?
Yeah, and because Jesus was all about nurturing grudges.
… our mentors at Conservapedia recommend that we scratch the word “rich” and replace it with either “fully fed and entertained” or, if you prefer, “idle miser,” which have none of the Occupy Wall Street-ish sour grapes of the better-known translation.
Because Jesus really didn’t throw the moneychangers out of the temple.
My question is this: where are you going to put the part about stocking up on ammo, Mr. Schlafly? And the part about Kool-aid being good for you?
Thanks to Elizabeth Moon, great finagler of the Captcha, for the heads up.