Republican Values

March 02, 2023 By: Juanita Jean Herownself

Meet Texas Republican Congressman Tony Gonzales.  He represents Uvalde, Texas.

Up until recently, Texas Southern Baptists would use the threat of “de-churching” people who didn’t follow the Southern Baptist interpretion of the scripture. That could fall anywhere between not tithing to raping the village.  It has fallen into disuse and that is pretty much why any small town in Texas always has a First Baptist Church and a Second Baptist Church, most of the time within blocks of each other.  Southern Baptist love Civil War.

Which brings us to the Republican Party of Texas and Tony Gonzales.  The Texas Republican Party is meeting this weekend to decide if they will censure Gonzales. Nobody is real clear on what that means in real life.  It could be a slap on the hand or the withdrawal of an endorsement and state money for his reelection.

And what evil act did Gonzales commit?

The complaint stems from a censure approved by the Medina County Republican Party earlier this month that says Gonzales failed to uphold the party’s values by voting in support of same-sex marriage, voting against the new GOP majority’s rules package and voting for a gun safety measure inspired by the the Uvalde school shooting. Gonzales broke with the rest of the state’s House Republicans on all three votes.

There are other disagreement about border security.  And smirking at Congressman Troy Nehls and his constant big ole cigars.

Anyway, they want to de-church the guy.  Think about it.  They won’t speak a negative damn word about George Santos but they want to nail this man to the cross of party values.

That’s Republican values.

 

Well, Here It Is Thursday

March 02, 2023 By: Juanita Jean Herownself

A couple of days ago, I wrote right here …

Okay, so this week’s score on Republican goofiness puts newcomer Tennessee in the lead.  I’m sure Texas or Florida will ask Tennessee to hold their beer and watch this by at least Thursday.

Well, yep.

Texas has a crossdressing anti-drag state representative.  And it’s Thursday. So score one for Madam Swami Juanita and her Crystal Ball of Republican Embarrassment.

 

But, that’s not even the fun part. Here’s the fun part:

Schatzline, a first-term state representative and former pastor, did not immediately respond to NBC News’ request for comment. However, in a tweet shared Tuesday, he appeared to confirm his participation in the video.

“Y’all really going crazy over me wearing a dress as a joke back in school for a theatre project? Yah, that’s not a sexually explicit drag show… lol y’all will twist ANYTHING,” he wrote.

First of all, this is the first time I have seen a grown man use lol. It’s also the first time I’ve seen a Texan say “Yah.” What is that?  Is it some sexually explicit coded language? I dunno, but I’d bet on probably.

Second of all, you’re being an irony bomb by accusing “y’all” of twisting ANYTHING.  You seem to have that job all gift wrapped with a bow on top, Honey.

Well done, Texas.  Do I hear a bid from Florida?

 

Math Lessons with MTG

March 02, 2023 By: Nick Carraway

Perhaps I’m not the right guy to deliver this particular message. After all, I had to remind my supervisor that I hadn’t sat in a math class in 25 years when he decided that I should support a high school Geometry class. However, I worked it and managed to survive on the other end. Understanding basic math is probably a bonus, but I have no way of knowing for sure. As far as I know, Geometry is mainly about triangles and stuff. It’s not like we were splitting the atom.

The notorious MTG might be the most brilliant mathematician in Congress. She has mistaken millions for billions more than once and even then the results were hilarious. A quick tutorial for Marge: a billion dollars is 1000 million. One billion people is 1000 million. In the case above, she said one school had gotten a 5.1 billion dollar grant. That’s amazing. I want to work at that school. I’m sure teachers are getting spa treatments and corporate retreats during their conference period.

 

Maybe that is why I had 97 kids in my 6th period English class all of the sudden. Of course, I’m being sarcastic lest anyone believe we really have more than 100,000 kids in each high school. Then again, maybe we could accommodate those 100,000 kids if someone threw 5.1 billion our direction. Maybe the cross fit is starting to mess with her brain. Maybe the numbers of new billionaires has clouded her judgement about how much one billion actually is. Of course, it’s just more likely that she’s a dumbass. Remember children, numbers matter and we can’t just make up any stupid figure that enters your brain. Pencils down. This has been your daily math lesson with the notorious MTG.

Oh My, Poor Tennessee

February 28, 2023 By: Juanita Jean Herownself

Okay, so this is not a good time to be a Republican in Tennessee.  They seem to have caught a mild case of George Santos.

Let’s start with Governor Bill Lee, a major supporter of shaky masculinity.

On February 23, with Governor Lee’s strong support, The Tennessee House passed ”a bill [that] criminalizes the act of taking part in an “adult cabaret performance” or a drag show on public property, particularly in the presence of minors.”

And that would just be silly.  However Lee’s high school yearbook elevates it to having it floored in neutral.  Wanna see?

Of course you do.

 

Yep, that’s Bill Lee in drag.  Nice legs, though.

Update:  NBC picked it up.

Honey, nobody who gets that outraged is telling the truth.  This kinda stuff is what leads me to firmly believe that outrage is Republican foreplay.

Oh, but Tennessee didn’t stop there. Oh, no.

Tennessee Congressman Andy Ogles has long contended that he is “an economist.” Maybe not so much.

Copies of his transcripts show he took one economic class his first year of college and made a C. That’s all the economics he took. The rest of his transcript doesn’t look much better.  Two semesters, he failed everything.

Our investigation also discovered other claims that have been exaggerated, including his claims to be “a former member of law enforcement, worked in international sex crimes, specifically child trafficking.”

Yeah, if it’s a Republican, you can’t leave out sex somewhere.

Okay, so this week’s score on Republican goofiness puts newcomer Tennessee in the lead.  I’m sure Texas or Florida will ask Tennessee to hold their beer and watch this by at least Thursday.

 

Yeah, Kinda Like The United States Being Racist Against Hitler

February 27, 2023 By: Juanita Jean Herownself

Goodness gracious, the inside of Elon Musk’s brain must look like scrambled eggs and strawberries or something. What a damn mess.

Billionaire Elon Musk on Sunday accused the media of being racist against whites and Asians after U.S. newspapers dropped a white comic strip author who made derogatory comments about Black Americans.

But not Hispanics, huh? How’d they get so lucky? They don’t buy Teslas? And how did Asians get in there?  Oh, wait, Asians make Telsas.

Look, I don’t think he knows what racism means.  Racism can only exist when the majority with the power discriminates against the minority without the power.

Musk’s latest tweets come after the Dilbert creator suggested white Americans “get the hell away from Black people”. Adams, the cartoonist, was responding to a poll by the conservative Rasmussen Reports that said 26% of Black respondents said they disagreed with the statement “It’s OK to be white.”

Oh for pete sake.  I can get 26% of whites to disagree with the statement “It’s OK to be female.”

Elon Musk is a racist. Scott Adams is a racist. They are perfectly within their rights as Americans to be racists. They are also within their rights to be goofy. Honey, I defend their right to be goofy racists. At least we know the hell who they are.

Now, if we let them be leaders, shame on us.

It Matters

February 27, 2023 By: Nick Carraway

One of the principals I used to work for had a motto: it matters. Ultimately, what that meant is that everything matters. Unfortunately, that can’t literally be true. If everything matters then nothing really matters. This governing philosophy impacts so many things. It impacts our political priorities. It impacts our priorities in education. It impacts our priorities individually as we run through life.

Occasionally, the world of sports and the political world collide. Star basketball player Brandon Miller is a perfect example. For those that don’t want to go down the rabbit hole, he was involved in a fatal shooting in January. He did not pull the trigger, but the gun was supplied by him. From here we get into the normal rigmarole of whether he possessed the gun legally, knew how the gun would be used beforehand, or even if he knew the gun was in possession prior to the shooting. What we know is that the shooter asked him to bring the gun via text message before he arrived. He may not have read the text before leaving or didn’t realize he was actually bringing the gun.

This case is interesting for any number of reasons. For one, he is still playing basketball and has since the incident occurred. The university, his coach, and the athletic department presumably knew about the incident after it happened in January. We are in damn near March and he is still leading his team in scoring and driving them to a number two overall ranking. He hasn’t been charged with a crime, so I guess they legally can do that. However, as we have discussed before, there is a huge difference between whether we CAN do something and whether we SHOULD do something.

This is where we ask a few common sense questions. If your best friend calls you up or texts you after midnight and casually says, “oh, and can you bring the gun?” you would think just about everyone would ask some very pointed questions. After all, very little good can come of that situation. His attorneys will obviously argue that he couldn’t foresee what would happen. Maybe he didn’t know that a murder would occur, but he should have known something.

I’d be remiss not to point out the similarities between Miller and Kyle Rittenhouse. No, he didn’t bring an AR-15. He wasn’t protecting property. However, the language surrounding it is similar. Maybe he legally could possess the gun. Maybe he was returning the property to his friend. Maybe Rittenhouse could legally bring an AR-15 over straight lines. Maybe he had a legal right to defend himself. Maybe a lot of things. What we know is that neither of them should have been doing these things.

There is a difference between legal culpability and moral culpability. More importantly, notice the difference between the groups of people that make excuses for each of these young men. I guarantee that the intrinsic circle in the Venn diagram will be very small. As an educator, I can’t help but think that we’ve failed these young men. We’ve made excuses for both of them for different reasons. One can run, jump, and shoot better than most of us. Another fit a narrative of the good guy with a gun. In the not so distance past, both would feel some level of shame that would cause them to withdraw for at least a time so they could rebuild their image. March Madness is just around the corner. Sadly, the time for culpability or personal responsibility will have to wait.