What’s a snacilbupeR, you ask?
The collective wit and wisdom of the clientele here is what makes us the Worlds Most Dangerous Beauty Salon – dangerous, at least, to the anti-progress forces which threaten to take civilization back into the Dark Ages. Words and ideas have always been sword and buckler against such recidivism. Long-time customer Micr has been credited with my favorite example of this: “snacilbupeR.” In one clever inversion, he has captured the essence of the perversion of what used to be a fine upstanding member of America’s two-party system. But it is a term that people have stumbled over, a time or two, and has never been fully fleshed out for the casual patron, so I have taken a whack at describing the genus, here, in verse. And so without further ado, I hereby dedicate to Micr:
The Ballad of the snacilbupeR
by Primo Encarnación
We stood on the Hill with our hands out
With a lead in the Senate and House.
We offered to work well in harness
(Can you harness a horse to a louse?)
The country had spoken quite clearly
But now found themselves in a stupor:
The minority GOP party
Had turned into snacilbupeR.
Tradition’s conservative party
Likes all of their changes quite slow:
They keep one foot on the brake pedal
And prefer “Caution” to “Go!”
But lately they’ve slowed so completely
That “progress” to them is a curse.
The people we call snacilbupeR
Are Republicans stuck in reverse.
They’re taking their country back with them
To a land that time has forgot,
When white Jesus bronc-busted T-Rex,
With sodomites busted by Lot,
And blah people knew well their places,
And wives? Well they were just super:
Barefoot and pregnant while cooking
Is the gal for a snacilbupeR!
And guns, well sir, don’t get them started!
This country was always its best
When a man who went out on a Sunday
Was never considered well-dressed
Without he had strapped on his pistol,
To shoot someone inside a church.
The Christian and armed snacilbupeR
Is the saintliest man since John Birch.
As far back in time as they long for,
The old time they tend to forget
Is when all of the Indians lived here,
And white peoples’ backs were all wet.
Columbus and all his successors,
Each good snacilbupeR believes,
Were white Christian action-film heroes,
Not manifest destiny thieves.
Then poor benighted electors,
In twenty-first century ten,
Gave back Congress to snacilbupeR,
Then did it again and again.
The districts are so gerrymandered,
Minority votes so suppressed,
That unless all you good folks are voting
Then all progress will be regressed.
snacilbupeR – what care they for science
Unless it is factually free
In order to serve the agenda
Of the fossilized fuel industry?
For polar bears, people and coastlines,
For the Atlantic Goliath Grouper,
For anyone who’s not a Koch-head,
Your murderer is snacilbupeR.
No matter your views this election –
“Go Hill!” or “Feel the Bern” –
The death of Judge snacilbupeR
Means we need all your votes for this turn.
And now that this ditty is finished
And you’ve all stuck it out like a trooper
We’ve learned the true meaning of evil:
Not each other – snacilbupeR.
Perfect, with the possible exception of the last two lines.
Evil at least has some glory to it–some epic poetry. Satan. Darth Vader. Not Trump. Not Cruz. Not Rubio or Christie or Santorum or the rest of the list.
The snacilbupeRs are too tedious for evil. I think they do what they do because of some weird feelings of entitlement and superiority that are based on mundane prejudices. They aren’t deliberately choosing evil; they’re choosing stupidity.
1“All that is necessary for evil to prevail, is for good men to do nothing.” Edmund Burke
2I believe it is the tedious task of watching water boil that has gotten us here, as the frog in the pot, I really hope we can turn this “live spelled backwards” (M.Scott Peck) around.
I miss Republicians and civil discourse.
Sadly, the present group of snacilbupeRs are bought and paid for by the Koch Bros. As long as Citizens United holds, we (all Americans) are totally sc***ed.
Don’t let the Rthuglicans beat us–get out and vote.
3As much as I enjoyed this ballad, Primo, more eagerly awaited will be your final ode to the snacilbupeR after the November elections.
WA Skeptic, people are disgusted with the tons of money being thrust into politics. At the national level the disgust is being shown by the lack of effectiveness of the big campaign bucks. Sure hasn’t done much for Jeb(?). The real crimes and damage seem to be at the local and state levels. Our once blue state of NV has been turned a sickly shade of purple due to the Koch money behind the Tea Bagger insurgents. Then we have the odious Shelly Adelson throwing his money at any and all candidates to pay for his Zionist aspirations.
4Nice job!
5‘Twas chilling, and the goodly few
Did squirm and twipple in the main,
For beastly were the Trumpletons
And the Cruising wraiths’ gain.
“Beware the SnackilbupeR, son!
6The jaws that bite, the Kochs that lick!
Beware the Jebjeb bush, and shun
The fulminous ol’ Kasich!”
Vampires spell their names backwards, so it’s appropriate for Republicans, too!
7A fine effort at versifying our adversaries, long may be their losing lamentations upon each election day evening!
8Such creative talent here at the salon. I have to agree with DaChip…, er Primo, that we are faced with evil embodied in the greed, ignorance and hate espoused by the RepubliKlan. They may be successful in obstructing President Obama’s ability to name a supreme court justice, but we’ve got to put a Dem in the White House if this country is to survive as a democracy.
9I am sure there is an annual award for such poetry and it should go to Primo, the Bard of the World’s Most Dangerous Beauty Salon!
10Thank you, IronCelt. Gracias, Primo. The way to get any of them to “allow” our president to appoint a justice to SCOTUS is to convince them that, once elected, either Hillary or Bernie will nominate Obama, the former constitutional law professor.
Happy Valentine’s Day to all my beloveds at the WMDBS.
11Well done Primo E!
12That’s great Primo! I love it. Thanks.
13Thanks to both Primo and IronCelt! Your talents are enjoyed and appreciated!
14LYnnN, consider “The banality of evil.” It is a real thing.
15IronCelt, loved your parody of ‘Twas Brillig.
16Line up the nominees and get ready.
17Take your pick:
1) Ready the recess appointments or,
2) Cancel Congressional vacations.
Curse you, Primo! Since you made rhymes with “snacilbupeR”, I was forced to try and pronounce it out loud, an effort I hadn’t had to make before when silently reading the word as an amorphous blob with no pronunciation but lots of meaning. 🙂
18TheoLib:
Tryin’ hard to look like Gary Cooper
Super-duper!
Actually, most snacilbupeR are amorphous blobs (damage 6d3) with lots of pronunciation but no meaning.
19Everyone, read Dark Money: The Hidden History Behind the Billionaires Rise to the Radical Right by Jane Mayer–it shows how the Koch cancer has been spreading into every aspect of our lives–but at least we know that knowing “snacilbupeR” can be the first step to a cure. Voting should be a priority for all of us and comparing what they say to what the record shows they do. We all have to look under many rocks to see what they are actually doing and where the money is coming from.
20Passed this along!
21[slow clapping] Kudos, Primo!
22Primo? Not a big fan of poetry… but I like yours. Nicely done. But y’know what? It needs a tune. These could be great lyrics to a great tune.
23Just a thought…
Wonderful.
24It’s interesting that Ironcelt chose “Jabberwocky” in response, as this meter mimics Lewis Carroll’s “Hunting of the Snark” (ahem, found it!) or, really, almost any Dr Seuss ode in anapestic heptameter.
As to music, it’s way too long to keep the strong meter other than as a novelty song. Primo could shorten it up and go blues-y, but really if he set this to music he’d loosen it up and go all Dylan like “The Times, They Are A-Changin'”-folk rock. Maybe it will make it onto the next setlist for his band, the Pearl-handled Frontloaders, a tribute band for the Sequined Backhoes. Primo sometimes sits in on bass with them.
25The last man to surrender at Burns, Oregon, warned agents he had hidden a dozen booby traps. So far, eleven of the twelve underwire bras have been found.
26Wonderful!
27Gotta go to the SOUTH TRAVIS UNITED DEMOCRATS monthly meeting at Tres Amigos in way way south Austin. Wish you were coming too!
Sanborne, you made me laugh!
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