.

“I wanna tell ya something,” Juanita started this morning after the long weekend of too many deviled eggs and baked beans.

“I was at one of those events  where Republicans think they own the American flag and patriotism.  One old coot there told me that he was just dead solid certain positive that Barack Obama was going to use this BP ‘accident’ to nationalize the oil companies.”

“And he said it like that might be a bad thing,” she laughed.

Thelma, who only has 17 months left on her provisional membership at the Belles of Heaven Republican Women’s Club, chirped up, “Oh Honey!  I got an email about that.  Dick Cheney is powerful worried about it and if I send him $500, he’ll stop the rampant threat of socialism and nakkid pictures on the internet.  Or, something else like that, I forget exactly what else besides socialism he’s going to stop now.  I mailed my check.  You cannot trust the government, Juanita.  Just look at the post office.”

“Thelma, when was the last time the post office killed 11 people and destroyed the Gulf of Mexico?” Juanita asked her.

“Well, just give them time.  It’s on their agenda.  You got yourself that Gay Agenda, the Feminist Agenda, the Leftwing Agenda, and the Post Office Agenda,” Thelma answered wisely.  “I read it in my newsletter, The Screeching Fearmonger.”

“So, Thelma, Dick Cheney got $500 out of you by scaring the fool out of you about something that’s not gonna happen.  Thelma, you’re not a fool, Hon, you’re a damn fool.”

“Say what you will, Juanita, but I am a fool with no nationalized oil wells, an honest to gosh .01% interest in Tom DeLay’s next book tour, and locust plague insurance.”  Thelma paused, turned smartly on her 4 inch platform heels and shook her curls, “So we’ll see who’s Ms. Smarty Pants when the locust come.”