I Ain’t Buying It

December 07, 2017 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

The official White House explanation of Trump’s slurred speech seems a little … well, unfreekingbelieveable.

“His throat was dry. There’s nothing to it,” White House spokesman Raj Shah said when asked to explain why President Trump garbled “God bless the United States” at the end of his remarks on Wednesday recognizing Jerusalem as the capital of Israel and announcing plans to build a U.S. Embassy in the disputed city.

The other explanation was that he’s wearing false teeth.  That could be true because it would fit right in. Fake hair. Fake tan. Fake teeth. Fake neuron synapses.

None of those, however, explain the slurred signature.


Personally, I think maybe he drank that gift from Vladimir Putin. Maybe?

Thanks to Bunny for the heads up.

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11 Comments to “I Ain’t Buying It”

  1. I dunno, my signature can be all over the map. But Trump reminds me of the beggar character in Terry Pratchett’s Discworld series who, instead of a seeing-eye dog, has a thinking-brain dog. Hands up everyone who thought moving the embassy to Jerusalem was a great idea and would promote peace in the Middle East….

  2. Jane & PKM says:

    Apparently a miscommunication among Donnie’s staff medicating him to keep him on script. Somehow a scheduling snafu occurred and Donnie was hit with two instead of the prescribed one tranquilizer dart. Or, his fat filled diet is doing its job.

  3. A thinking brain dog would quadruple Drumpf’s IQ. But he’d still pi$$ on the trees surrounding the Rose Garden, so there’s that. Either way he recognizes His Master’s Voice on the Moscow hotline.

  4. His speech was 10 minutes long. He had to read for 10 minutes. By the end, he was exhausted. The last time he read for 10 minutes? War and Peace? Crime and Punishment? Probably Dick and Jane.

  5. @Rick

    You’re right of course: Drumpf has the attention span of a butterfly on speed. 10 minutes worth IS just too many words on the page, especially when “bigly” isn’t one of them.

  6. That Other Jean says:

    Mini-stroke? Lord knows, with his McDonald’s diet, his arteries must be clogged enough. How is he today?

  7. Poorly fitting dentures, come on folks with his money believe me he has implants and not dentures. Just freaky though.

  8. I didn’t see or hear this speech. I’m just thinking back to debate #1. I could have sworn he was coked up; he was sniffing so much!

  9. I immediately thought he was having a stroke, too, Other Jean…

    But then thought he was faking a stroke to get his butt out of trouble now that he is beginning to see that the President isn’t the Emperor. All the Mueller investigations, Donnie, Jr., dropping the ball, all the rest of the criminals he fraternizes with, perhaps he’s trying to get out of the “legal draft” so he doesn’t go to jail.

    Too bad we’d have to get about #17 in order of succession before we get to a good person. (And what a mine field until we get to #17…)

  10. VintageMomma says:

    Rick Perry, donald trump – when a guy has loose screws, some of his words are going to come loose, too.

  11. “Fake neuron synapses.”

    I needed a good laugh after Al (Doggone it, I DON’T like you.) Franken.