Archive for August, 2017

Ted Cruz

August 30, 2017 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

So I was watching the electric teevee and on comes Ted Cruz to talk with Katy Tur, who has ten IQ points, a unwhiny voice, and real hair on him.

So Katy asks Ole Ted, “Why is it that you want aid for Texas now but you opposed aid for Sandy relief to New York?”  Ted smugged smiled and replied in that chastising voice he’s got, “Katy, now is not the time to play petty politics.”

Oh sure, but right after Hurricane Sandy was a great time to play petty politics.

When I was a little girl my Aunt Lillian used to tell me that if a crab pinched you, it wouldn’t let go until sundown. That’s not true but it’s enough to scare a little girl from putting her hand in the crab basket and tormenting the crabs. I’m just praying it is true for Katy Tur and she won’t let go ’til you can ice skate in hell.

If Ted Cruz accidentally cuts himself, he bleeds petty politics.  And there’s so much in him that if you sew him up, he’ll spring a leak somewhere else.


And it is true that while Trump didn’t see even an inch of water in the streets of Corpus, any destroyed property or see one person tragically impacted by this, Cruz dropped by the George R Brown shelter housing 10,000 people and shook a few hands before dashing out. I think he was hoping to leave some bumper stickers. (I just made that up but it’s probably true.)

Y’all, I hate this man.  I hate the way he treats his wife and children. I hate how when he prays, he puts his head down and used that time to figure out way to screw people. I hate how smart he thinks he is. I hate how he has no friends and enjoys being hated. I hate this tiny little boots he wears.

There Be Sunshine!

August 30, 2017 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

This morning we awoke exhausted, drained, and weary to the bluest sky I’ve ever seen, fluffy white clouds, a slight coolish breeze, and a big ball of fire in the sky.  There were moments to rejoice.  I had coffee on the front porch, thanking God for a short reprieve to recharge and fight again.  I would have had my coffee in the back yard but the swimming pool looks like we ought to throw up our hands and just stock it with catfish.

The second round starts today for Beaumont and small cities east.  That’s where Houston Petrochemical companies supply most of America with gasoline.  If you’re smart, you’ll fill up now.

My small town is still facing the rise of the Brazos River.  It’s such a long river that it takes days for the water to hit us before it pours into the Gulf of Mexico.  They really just have to get out their slide rulers and guess where all that water will end up because we have no idea what drainage ditches and tributaries are blocked with debris at this point.  The best guess is that the river will crest on Friday morning and that the oldest parts of the city, about a two mile area, will remain a literal island for 3 – 4 days. We won’t be able to get in or out except by boat. The upside is that we have a small hospital, a grocery store, more taco huts than Mexico City, a movie theater, and more good folks than jackasses.  The main downside is snakes, alligators, and fire ants seeking high ground.

Here’s what you can do to help.  A few of you have asked me where you could donate a little money where it would do the most good. I am donating to the AFL-CIO Texas Worker Relief Fund.  I know these guys.  John Patrick, the president of the TEXAS AFL-CIO  is a friend of mine and he’s meaner than ten acres of snakes. I know for damn fact that he will squeeze every penny you give him to do the most good. Click here to donate.

If I hear of any more in need, I will let you know.


Trump Is Not Coming To Houston

August 29, 2017 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Yeah, he ain’t coming here.  He’s going to Corpus Christi and then dropping by Austin to strut with the Governor.

Here’s the deal. Undocumented workers were refusing to go to shelters because they feared it was a ruse by ICE. So, Harris County Sheriff Ed Gonzalez went on tv, speaking in Spanish, to say that he would personally insure that they would not be arrested or detained.  Then Mayor Sylvester Turner, a lawyer, said that if they were detained, he would personally represent them for free.

Trump and his sheriff would not feel at home here.



Damn Republicans

August 29, 2017 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

I’m not saying that insurance companies own the Texas Legislature but they most certainly do have a long term lease. The Texas Republican Insurance Whore Corp (those last two words rhyme) has signed the lease.

Most Texas homeowners insurance does not include flooding. Thanks to the Texas Lege, you have to buy a separate policy if you think you might flood.  (ON EDIT: I have been instructed that this is also the case in foreign states.  I apologize.  I am running 102 degrees with cabin fever.) Many of those policies come through FEMA.

Let’s say you have to sue your insurance company so they will pay your claim.

For many Texans ravaged by the rain and winds Hurricane Harvey carried ashore this past weekend, filing an insurance claim for the damage their property sustained is probably the farthest thing from their minds right now. But waiting to submit a claim past Friday could cost them big.

A new law set to take effect Friday aims to crack down on frivolous insurance lawsuits. But House Bill 1774 also reduces the penalty interest rate insurance companies face for late payments if the policyholder files a lawsuit.

Okay, there are people in shelters, those who cannot get out of their flooded homes and are living on the second floor, and the lucky ones who might be dry but are trapped in their neighborhoods and all these folks better file an insurance claim before Friday.  Hell, they are now saying the Brazos River won’t creat until Thursday around noon so the worst is yet to come for a mess of people.

Thank you, Texas Republicans.  You and Joel Osteen are the grinches of Houston.



August 29, 2017 By: El Jefe Category: Harvey Hell

Words fail to describe the disaster unfolding before us so I’ll try a picture from the Texas Department of Transportation.

The dark blue symbols with the slash through it are road closures; the light blue circles are flooding.  To give non-Texans a sense of scale, the east-west distance of this map is over 300 miles.  So far, thousands of homes have been inundated.  Tens of thousands of people are out of their homes.  The ENTIRE Texas National Guard has been activated with over 12,000 personnel mobilized.  The US Coast Guard has brought HALF of its US helicopter fleet to the Houston metro area.  The shelter at the George R. Brown Convention Center is now near capacity with 5,000 people who’ve lost their homes, and shelters all over the area are running full.  Gasoline shortages are just right around the corner since most of the refineries here are shut down; both of the metro areas major airports are still shut down.

The only word that begins to capture this disaster is unprecedented. Unfortunately, one word that can’t be used is unexpected.  This is what happens when you pave over hundreds of square miles of land that was once prairie.  This is what happens when you build homes on top of watershed and up against major rivers and bayous.  This is the expected result of unbridled development without appropriate oversight for infrastructure.  We’re finally reaping the result of what we have sown for years, and if we’re honest, there is major work to be done beyond simply repair these thousands of homes and buildings.

We’ll see if our elected officials will follow through after the television lights turn off.

Yeah, We’re Texans

August 28, 2017 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Customer Rob just sent me this picture of one of our badass first responders.


Houston SWAT officer Daryl Hudeck carries Catherine Pham and her son 13-month-old son Aiden to safety after they were rescued via boat from the flooding on Interstate 610 south in Houston on Sunday, August 27, 2017. (Louis DeLuca/The Dallas Morning News)

So, if I have to call somebody to come get me, y’all send Daryl.

We are still dry and have electricity this morning.  That puts us in the top 1%.  Thousands of my friends and neighbors are under mandatory evacuation today because the Brazos River (which is one unforgiving sumbitch of a river) will hit 59 feet tomorrow night.  That’s higher than any flood in recorded history.

We have been told to stay put.  We do have a second floor.

Let me tell you what a good man I married. You know about our Republican neighbors across the street.  They are so typical of Republicans – haughty and oh so much smarter than anyone else.  We don’t chat much.  Well, they are in their 80’s, so Bubba walked across the street in the rain and told them if it flooded, they would be welcome to come to our house since we have a second floor.  They said that they appreciated the offer, but you could tell it would just kill them to ask a Democrat for help because Republicans are so damn self-sufficient and can take care of themselves.

Our neighbor beside us is the one who asked us not to have so many Muslims come to our house because Muslims are ordered by their God to kill us all.  That guy can drown.  I don’t care.

Sorry about the lack of news but we ain’t getting any news here.  But, Nick Anderson did this cartoon.