Archive for June, 2015

Fun With Guns: Great Aim Edition

June 29, 2015 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Lancaster Township, where do-it-yourself vasectomies are all the rage.

A 25 year old in Lancaster spent his afternoon explaining this.

He picked up his .40-caliber pistol to put it away when the weapon accidentally discharged the bullet into his groin area, Sgt. Timothy Ponessa said Monday.

Nice shot.  And thanks for removing yourself from the gene pool.

Thanks to Wayne for the heads up.

Please Allow Me To Introduce Senator Shameless and his Partner, Mr. Naked

June 29, 2015 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Cruz

Okay, so Ted Cruz went on the Sean Hannity radio show and the two of them produced richter scale waves of nausea.

They also kinda overreacted.

“Today is some of the darkest 24 hours in our nation’s history,” Cruz said on Sean Hannity’s radio show. “Yesterday and today were both naked and shameless judicial activism.”

Hannity agreed, saying, “I couldn’t say it more eloquently.”

Bad grammar aside, that’s just nuts.  I can think of many darker times in our history.  Disco Fever for one.  The invention of parallel parking – there’s another dark day.  How about that whole Burt Reynolds bare butt naked in Cosmopolitan?  New Coke?  Top hats, who the hell ever thought that looked good?  I mean the list goes on and on.

Some of the darkest 24 hours in our nation’s history?  How can that be?  There were so many rainbows.

But there’s one thing that’s right.  Sean Hannity could not be eloquent.  Ever.  I mean, that man makes drunk Sarah Palin seems eloquent.

Holy cow, y’all, the combination of testosterone and Aqua Velva causes a chemical reaction that will melt down sanity.

Action Paxton

June 28, 2015 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Hey, we have an attorney general in Texas who is just one step ahead of the law.  And by the law, I mean the damn police.

ken_paxton_bioHe’ll probably get indicted next month for violating the state security laws and he got caught stealing an expensive fountain pen.

But, holy smoked cow over the moon!, he has got himself some family values.

He has issued an attorney general’s opinion today that says county clerks who have religious beliefs don’t have to issue same-gender marriage licenses.

Now, he’s a sly little dude so he know that’s gonna get them sued, but he has a solution

The clerks who balk at licensing gay marriage “may well face litigation and/or a fine,” Paxton warned.

“Importantly, the strength of any particular religious accommodation claim depends on the particular facts of each case,” he concluded.

“But,” he added in a press release, “numerous lawyers stand ready to assist clerks defending their religious beliefs, in many cases on a pro-bono basis, and I will do everything I can from this office to be a public voice for those standing in defense of their rights.”

He also said that judges and JPs who do not cotton to Adam marrying Steve instead of Eve did not have to perform the ceremony.  He did not mention if they could refuse a black person, a muslim person, or anybody else.  Just the gays.

Essentially, Paxton invited clerks, their employees and the judges and justices of the peace to defy the Supreme Court. But he didn’t promise they’ll win.

And then this sliceable of a man, who is going to prison for felony general slimeballness, ends by saying …

“Texas must speak with one voice against this lawlessness, and act on multiple levels to further protect religious liberties for all Texans …

Yeah, Paxton, let’s talk about lawlessness.

Thanks to Bubba for the heads up.

It Won’t Be Much Longer

June 27, 2015 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

A customer spotted these in Mexico — a Trump With Donkey Ears piñata.


Screen Shot 2015-06-27 at 11.25.31 AM


I neeeeeeeeeeeed one!

Thanks to David for the heads up.

Do Bears Go Nakkid In The Woods?

June 27, 2015 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

The mother of a three year old wanted a teddy bear cake for her daughter’s christening.  So, she went to a reputable cake maker who has been in the business for 30 years.

Yet, even they are part of the conspiracy to make everything dirty.

The mother, Sharon Green, picked up the cake only to discover that it was nasty.  It was a girl teddy bear with a – oh no! – vagina.

The shop owners said it was a seam where the stitching on a teddy bear would go, but Sharon knew better!  It was dirty.




The bakery owners were kinda shocked.

“The small bear on top of the cake is exactly that — a teddy bear — and the crease on its stomach is supposed to represent the seam where the bear is sewn together. We have been making girl and boy teddies this way for 30 years and no-one has ever drawn such a bizarre, and, quite frankly, distasteful, connection,” said a spokesman for the bakery in a statement on their behalf.

But Sharon Green wasn’t letting up.

“It is completely inappropriate. The cake is supposed to be for a three-year-old girl.” complained Green.

The bakers showed evidence that they use the same exact stitching marks on a boy bear.  Green thinks that is dirty, too.

So, for your entertainment, here’s some more dirty pictures.



June 26, 2015 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Louie Gohmert has this all figured out.

Lotsa crazybutt Republicans have said some pretty crazybutt things about the Supreme Court decision, but if there was a crazybutt contest, Louie has a big ole crazybutt to enter.

But Republican Texas congressman Louis Gohmert’s reaction may be the most hysterical of any elected official yet. According to Right Wing Watch, Gohmert argued that as a result of today’s decision, “God’s hand of protection will be withdrawn as future actions from external and internal forces will soon make clear.”

Dude, did you forget 9-11?

Ultimately, Gohmert resigned himself to his nightmare reality, saying, “I will do all I can to prevent such harm, but I am gravely fearful that the stage has now been set.”

Somebody hand that man a cape and some wings.

Thanks to Irene for the heads up.