Archive for July, 2014

Oh For Pete’s Sake

July 29, 2014 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Chicago is where the good guys with a gun quickly become the scary damn guy with a gun.

The bad guy with a gun goes in to rob the AT&T store.  The good guy with a gun sees it and keeps other people from going into the store.  Some customers flag down a police officer.

Well, the sight of a police officer makes the good guy with a gun get testosterone overload and he fires a shot at the bad guy, who is fleeing.  The police officer, who did not know about the good guy with a gun, immediately takes cover not knowing who is shooting at what.

The good guy with a gun, who has instantly become a bad guy with a gun, trying to act like Wyatt Earp or John Wayne, says he saw the guy escape and knew there was a police officer involved somewhere and that he was trying to protect the police officer.  He’s just damn lucky the police officer did not return fire.

People who know what they are doing, took over.

Crestwood and Palos Heights police set up a perimeter along the Cal-Sag Canal and arrested the suspect as he ran from the woods, police said.

No injuries were reported.

Note to good guys with guns:  You are not a cop.  You are not trained to be a cop.  Holster that sucker no mater how much you’re just craving to kill somebody.

Thanks to Rick for the heads up.

Holy Cow, Y’all.

July 29, 2014 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Mother Jones has an amazing article on one of the NRA’s most influential lawyers.  He is currently general counsel of the National Rifle association.  Wear your old socks while reading this because they’re going to get blown off.

Click here.

I’m too busy to snark it right now.  But, when something stuns me, you know its stunning.

Now you’ll know why this guy stays low key.  And how Harlan Carter had a few secrets, too.


Because He’s Just That Kind of Guy

July 29, 2014 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Texas Democratic Congressman, Pete Gallago from the bustling metropolis of Alpine, Texas, which is so far out there that they don’t get the Today show until tomorrow, found himself on an airplane with a 3 year old who began choking on his chicken nuggets.

The child’s mother, who was also tending to her six month old, realized what was happening and began screaming for help.

Bubba and Pete, when nobody was chokin'

Bubba and Pete, when nobody was chokin’

Gallego is father himself, so he did the maneuver and …

Gallego put one hand on the kid’s back, and the other on his sternum. “I knew what was going to happen, so I aimed him forward,” he said. But at the critical moment, Cash turned to look at the congressman. “I ended up with chicken nuggets on my chest.”

Now, just think.  If that had been Louie Gohmert, the kid would have been forced to show his birth certificate, proof of insurance, and signed a thousand word oath that he is not a terror baby.  Even then, Gohmert would have prayed over him for half an hour before doing anything.

So, lesson learned.  If you’re ever on an airplane with a child, be sure to sit next to a Texas Democratic congressman.  (They are gonna love me for that, aren’t they?)

You Lost. Get Over It. Lee Surrendered to Grant.

July 29, 2014 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Look, just because Grant gave Lee his sword back should not encourage you to start fighting again.

Michael Peroutka, a Republican nominee for city council in Maryland attended a League of the South convention in Alabama and was one of the key speakers.  The League of the South is a secessionist group.  Peroutka also serves on the Maryland Republican Central Committee.

Screen Shot 2014-07-29 at 10.44.09 AMPeroutka generated controversy after winning the GOP nomination because he believes that the current U.S. and state governments are no longer valid, and should be destroyed by secession or other means.

“You need to secede and then you need to have the biblical understanding of law and government, and make the applications,” Peroutka told the League of the South in 2012. “So we need to take the biblical understand of law and government into account no matter what the outcome is with respect to the crumbling of the current regime.”

Translation:  There is a black man in the White House, dammit.

And then, to make his loyalties perfectly clear…

At the conclusion of his nearly hour-long talk, Peroutka asked the audience to rise and sing the “national anthem.”

But instead of “The Star-Spangled Banner,” Peroutka led them to sing “Dixie,” the de facto anthem of the Confederacy during the Civil War.

Look away Dixieland, my big blue butt.  I know treason when I see it.

There’s a phrase among real Americans in the South that means somebody is just goofing off, being lazy, and not accomplishing anything:  They are “whistling Dixie.”  If someone says, “You ain’t just whistling Dixie,” that means they are getting important work done or that they have spoken the truth.

Take heed, League of the South.  You’re whistling Dixie.



President? The Man Wants To Be President?

July 29, 2014 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Y’all, this is an honest-to-goodness Rick Perry Facebook ad.  I did not change a thing.  This is how he wants the public to view him.  This is the image he wants carved into the side of Mt. Rushmore.

Click the little one to get the big one.




I swear he’s gonna put his eye out with that thing.

Look, even the guy standing next to him is trying not to laugh.

Texas, I Love Yew

July 29, 2014 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

The members of the Wee Winkie Club, also known as Open Carry Texas, are a group of unfortunate looking men who parade around – legally in Texas – with long guns.  Oddly, you do not have to have a permit to carry a long gun.  You can be crazy as a brickbat and still be allowed to walk around with a shotgun or a semi-automatic weapon.

That just doesn’t seem right.

So when Open Carry Texas did one of their many open-carry events, where they parade around admiring each other’s “weapons” and attempt to scare crap out of passing cars, they were met with middle aged almost-bare-naked ladies.


It is legal to go topless in Austin, Texas, which doesn’t seem right either but does lead to far more fun than guns.


Screen Shot 2014-07-29 at 8.57.48 AM

The ladies were trying to make the point that just because something is legal doesn’t mean you ought to do it.   That reasoning, of course, went right over the head of the ammosexuals.  They referred to the ladies as “skanky topless libtards.”

I can see how they make that judgement, being as how they are all such hunka hunka burnin’ loves.

Screen Shot 2014-07-29 at 9.03.46 AM

And no skanky here at the Phi Beta Kappa event.

Open Carry March on March 12, 2014


You know what I love almost best about Texas?  We have so damn many ladies with a damn sense of humor to make up for those who have none.

Thanks to everybody for the heads up.