Archive for January, 2014

Louie Gohmert and His GQ Challenge

January 30, 2014 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Louie Gohmert showed up at the State of Union address wearing a Santa Claus tie because Louie is a very confused man who should not be allowed to dress himself.

Once he found himself in public wearing inappropriate clothing, Louie made up a story.

“Well I thought, I can’t wear that. That’s Santa Claus,” Gohmert told conservative radio host Sean Hannity, his guest at the speech, describing the process of choosing a tie for the speech. “And then I realized, we’re going to be listening to Santa Claus tonight promising whatever anybody wants they can have.”

Maybe at that point Gohmert, who has a net worth of minus $150,000, realized that Santa Claus is a beloved character.  So then he decided that President Obama isn’t like Santa Claus at all.

Unlike Santa Claus, Gohmert explained, Obama is rewarding parents by taking from their children.

Which brings us back to Louie not thinking things all the way through.   I should note that Louie is a man living far beyond his means, leaving his debt, including one really ugly Santa Claus tie, to his children.

So, who is not Santa Claus now, Louie?

Louie and Sean Hannity.  Combined IQ still double digits.

Louie and Sean Hannity. Combined IQ still double digits.

Q:  What’s 14 inches and hangs in front of a butthole?

A:  Louie Gohmert’s tie.

Thanks to Andrew for the laugh.

Fun With Guns: Bringing Testicles To a Gunfight

January 30, 2014 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Portland, Oregon

In a case where you know the backstory is better than what’s being reported, two men in Portland, Oregon, got into a gunfight. Both were injured but only one fired his gun.

One man from Tuesday night’s downtown Portland shooting remains hospitalized with a gunshot wound to his leg, while the 40-year-old suspect is being treated for an accidental, self-inflicted gunshot wound to his testicles, police said Wednesday.

Some days it’s worth getting out of bed just to read the news.

Thanks to Irene for the heads up.

Glenn Hegar: Dirty Harry Comptroller

January 29, 2014 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

I’ve told you oh so many stories about the guy with the gun fetish, Glenn Hegar, who is currently my state senator and is running for Texas Comptroller.  You know, the state’s accountant.  The guy with a bow tie and a pencil making sure the books balance.

Here’s his campaign ad.

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Oh dear Lord in heaven above.

Guns:Penis_1

Fun With Guns: Girl Scout Edition

January 29, 2014 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

First let me show you a photo taken at the Fort Worth Stockyards of a Girl Scout cookie sale.  You can click the little one to see a bigger one.  There’s some pretty creepy reflections in the window of other armed freaks.

 

girlscouts

 

It’s posted on Facebook at the page of “Jizzym Freedom” (No, seriously, that’s the name.)  with this comment.

^^^ I AGREEIM IN THE PICTURE, IM THE ADMIN FOR THE CATI FORT WORTH CHAPTER AND MY PARTER ALONG SIDE ME WHO IS ALSO THE ADMIN . NOT ONLY DID WE ASK PERMISSION TO TAKE THE PICTURE BUT WE SPOKE WITH THE MOM AND TROOP LEADER BEFORE SO AND WAS VERY FRIENDLY TO ACCEPT A COURSE OF GUN EDUCATION AND TRAINING TROUGH MY PARTNERS “MOTHERS WITH GUNS DEMAND ACTION AGAINST GUN CONTROL” ORGANIZATION . I WOULD LIKE FOR THE TRUTH TO BE TOLD ON OUR GROUP AND OUR GOALS . A ARMED SOCIETY IS A POLITE SOCIETY

Okay, so you’re a Girl Scout leader and some heavily armed people who are seriously deficient with communication skills ask to take a picture with you, what are you going to say?  Hell no?

The Girl Scouts are pretty mortified about this and are making it very clear that they have rules against this stuff.  Jizzym and his “parter” immediately went into victim mode —

why must Kathy Perkins ArmedMom and I Jizzym Freedom be demonized for a picture.

Texas, where the people with the most guns see themselves as victims.

Thanks to Stephanie for the heads up.

Okay, So What Would Happen To You If You Said This?

January 29, 2014 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

In another case of Republican congressvarmints being above the law, take of look at this Tea Party hack from New York who is being investigated for taking illegal campaign contributions.

So that behavior is now justified?

I am telling you – those people are thugs and bullies.  If he’s not arrested for a terroristic threat of serious bodily injury, then next week you’ll find Republicans standing outside of voting booths making threats.

I hate these people.  Lord help me, I do.

Okay, This Freaks Me Out

January 29, 2014 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

I will admit this:  I like my TIVO and being able to watch my teevee shows when I want to watch them.

But, Thelma and I have an agreement.  Whichever of us dies first, the other one will go immediately to our house and erase our TIVO and clear our email.  I do not want to leave behind a hundred HGTV shows I never got around to watching nor do I want people to know that I record them religiously.  I also don’t want to “out” many local Republicans who snitch to me about the good gossip.  (Note to local Republicans – if you aren’t snitching to me about another local Republican, you can bet your boopie that someone is snitching to me about you.)

Anydamnway, I read this and got all freaked out this morning.

static-tvDish Network and DirecTV on Monday announced a plan to jointly give political advertisers the ability to microtarget their ads down to the household level. That means that any of over 20 million homes in the United States will soon start getting highly personalized campaign spots that were meant just for them.

Here’s how it works: While your set-top box is idle, it’ll tune into a channel that’s playing the ad you’re meant to see. It’ll record the ad using DVR, then insert it into your regular programming while you’re watching a show — replacing or bumping the ad that was supposed to air instead. This can be replicated for any household that subscribes to Dish or DirecTV, so a political strategist can pick you out and feed you a unique message.

I do not want a box in my house that does secret stuff when I’m not looking.  Well, unless my oven wants to whip up a soufflé while I’m napping.  That would be okay.

What if it screws up and records Sean Hannity and that very day I get hit by a truck and my beloved ones see that on my teevee and think I’m a closet wing nut?  Hell, they probably wouldn’t even come to my funeral.

Look, the only reason I have that tivo thing is to skip over the commercials.  Don’t mess with me, I’m hell on the fast forward button.