Archive for April, 2013

How You Know Your Governor Is An Egg Sucking Dog

April 29, 2013 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

You know your Governor sucks big time when Democrats in other states start using his name and the threat of becoming like Texas to raise money.



Click her to see the whole thing. Lord help us, they’ve tied a can to Perry’s tail and are parading him all over the US of A as a warning to other states.  Hell, Democrats pay him money to show up in other states.

If there’s ever a reading of things Rick Perry has done to hurt Texas, you better bring a lunch if you’re going.  And a sleeping bag.

Honey, it’s third and long in Texas.  Pennsylvania is right about one thing – it got that way since we elected Republican Governors.  I ain’t real proud of being used as a bad example.

Thanks to Stephen for the heads up.

So, Now You Tell Us

April 29, 2013 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

In a case of Oh Damn, A Day Late and a Dollar Short, Justice Sandra Day O’Connor is having a long overdue attack of damned if I know.

Okay, so after being the fifth vote to hand George W Bush the Presidency, Justice O’Connor thinks maybe, just maybe, the high court should not have taken the case.

Looking back, O’Connor said, she isn’t sure the high court should have taken Bush v. Gore.

“It took the case and decided it at a time when it was still a big election issue,” O’Connor said during a talk Friday with the Tribune editorial board. “Maybe the court should have said, ‘We’re not going to take it, goodbye.’”

No shoot, Sherlock.  She needs to pack her butt with gunpowder and fire herself on up here with the rest of us.

Now I know she’s doing her mea culpa tour, but I just ain’t buying her snot slobbering apology.

“Obviously the court did reach a decision and thought it had to reach a decision,” she said. “It turned out the election authorities in Florida hadn’t done a real good job there and kind of messed it up. And probably the Supreme Court added to the problem at the end of the day.“

Yeah, Honey, you and Katherine Harris made quite a team.  Hooter toters everywhere still moan in shame at the mention of those two names.  Katherine Harris siding with the Mary Kay Cosmetics lady and you siding with Scalia.  Curses on both of you.

That’s Her Story and She’s Sticking To It

April 29, 2013 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

On Friday, around 9 p.m., police say Michael Wanko, 43, and Michele Wanko, 42, were “casually drinking” vodka and lemonade together inside their home on West Roland Road in Parkside, Penn. Around 3:30 a.m., police say the couple went into their basement so that Michael could show his wife how to use a semiautomatic pistol. The couple went into a work room where several weapons were kept inside a safe.

Okay, call me crazy but nobody “casually” drinks vodka and lemonade.  Ever.  Especially at 3:30 a.m.  If you’re 40-something and drinking vodka at 3:30 am then you’re either in the Kremlin expecting to be ousted from power, you’ve just robbed a convenience store, or you’re plotting to kill something.

The story goes that this guy had a safe of guns and was going to show his wife how to use them at 3:30 am, drunk, in the basement.  Just was he was teaching her how to take the magazine out and pull back the slide, which would be Fun With Guns activity #1, and she filled him with more lead than a sinker factory.

[She] picked up another gun and pulled the slide back, just as her husband had instructed her.

“When she let go of the slide, the weapon went off,” said Chief Egan.

There are life lessons to be learned here:  When you’re trying to get your story in an afternoon made for tv movie on the Oprah channel, make sure to forget to tell the police that the first Fun With Guns lesson is to never point them at anybody.

Thanks to Carl for the heads up.

Louie, Put That Bag Back Over Your Head

April 28, 2013 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Louie Gohmert met with Texas’ own Joe Barton and as expected, nothing good came outta it.

You got HR1586 which says in some weird language akin to English —

To direct the Architect of the Capitol to acquire and place a historical plaque to be permanently displayed in National Statuary Hall recognizing the seven decades of Christian church services being held in the Capitol from 1800 to 1868, which included attendees James Madison and Thomas Jefferson.

Louie is contending that separation of church and state means that government cannot tell you which Christian church you can attend.  Seriously.  Here’s what’s in the bill.

The term `separation of church and state’, not found in the Constitution, was rather first used by Thomas Jefferson in a letter to the Danbury Baptists. Though Jefferson saw no problem with having nondenominational Christian services in government buildings, he affirmed that the Government should not choose an official Christian denomination.

Good Lord, if this is true, and it ain’t, even Catholics couldn’t be Americans.

And how’s Louie propose we pay for this?  Oh yeah, with the tax money from everybody – including people who are not Christian. That’s fair.

Next will come Louie’s announcement that we have freedom of religion because you can be any kind of Baptist you want to be.  You can be a Southern Baptist, a Free Will Baptist, a Missionary Baptist, a Sister of Perpetual Virginity Baptist, or a Snake Handling Baptist.  You can be a Methodist but you will be frowned upon.

Louie, I mailed you a paper bag to put over your head and tee shirt that says, “I’m a Canadian Terrorist.”  Get dressed, Louie, we’re going to town.

Thanks to Lindy for the heads up.

Bless Her Heart, She Didn’t Get Invited

April 28, 2013 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Poor Sarah Palin, she didn’t get invited to the White House Correspondent’s Dinner.

So, she took to Twitter to say, “Look at me.  Look at me, people.  LOOK AT ME, dammit.”

Yeah, and they also threw themselves an election, a State of the Union, an inauguration, a Bush Lieberry dedication, and a whole bunch of stuff that Sarah wasn’t invited to.

Shame on us, ignoring Sarah.  And the final insult:  Ted Cruz has taken her place as a punchline.

Don’t Hold Your Breath

April 26, 2013 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Even on his best days, Rick Perry has to work at not banging his spoon on the tray of his high chair.

He’s now whining at over an editorial cartoon from award winning cartoonist Jack Ohman, syndicated from the Sacramento Bee.

Perry is outraged, outraged I tell you, that somebody would make fun of him. A cartoonist, dammit. A cartoonist made fun of him.

The cartoon was featured on our Friday Toons.


In a letter to the Bee’s editor Friday, Perry said he wouldn’t stand for “someone mocking this tragedy.”

He demanded an immediate apology for the newspaper’s “detestable attempt at satire.”

Fellow Republican and Lt. Gov. David Dewhurst called for the firing of the artist, political cartoonist Jack Ohman.

Guess what is NOT going to happen? Something. Something will not happen. Nobody was making fun of the tragedy. They were, however, making fun of a governor who thinks this kind of mayhem is an acceptable price of doing business.

Rick Perry is as worthless as a three card flush. So sue me.

Thanks to Glynda for the heads up.