Archive for February, 2013

Section Five

February 27, 2013 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

You know, when Justice Scalia dies, they are gonna play hell trying to find a preacher to say nice things about him.

Conservative justices on the Supreme Court expressed skepticism Wednesday about whether the federal government should still be requiring preclearance of voting system changes in certain places with a history of racial discrimination in elections.

Justice Antonin Scalia suggested that the continuation of Section 5 of the Voting Rights Act represented the “perpetuation of racial entitlement,” saying that lawmakers had only voted to renew the act in 2006 because there wasn’t anything to be gained politically from voting against it.

“Perpetuation of racial entitlement,” is a privileged rich white old man’s term for “they’ve been treated equally for far too long.”  Wowzza.

It is perfectly obvious that Scalia has never (1) been to the south, or (2) read anything about what’s happening in America beyond his chambers.”

To her everlasting credit, Justice Sonya Sotomayor, who’s got 50 IQ points on Scalia, had a comeback.

Justice Sonya Sotomayor said that Shelby County, Ala., probably wasn’t the right part of the country to be challenging a key provision of the Voting Rights Act.

“Some parts of the South have changed. Your county pretty much hasn’t,” said Sotomayor. “You may be the wrong party bringing this.”

No kidding.

This is another sad day for America from this court.

Oh Yeah, Right. Man Shoots Dog, No Headlines. Dog Shoots Man, Top of the Fold.

February 27, 2013 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Here ya go.

Gregory Dale Lanier, 35, of Frostproof, Fla., told police Saturday that he and his dog were in their truck in nearby Sebring when the dog kicked a gun that was on the truck’s floor, the Highlands Tribune newspaper reported.

The gun went off, shooting Lanier in the leg, Sebring police said.

According to the police report, Lanier said he was driving along State Road 17 North when the dog kicked “the unloaded .380 pistol.” It went on to say that Lanier was “surprised” to learn not only that the gun was loaded, but also that it was actually a 9mm weapon, not a .380.

It is unknown if the dog had a permit to carry and the magic of an unloaded gun releasing a bullet is best left to Penn and Teller.

And there’s the Florida woman who was shot by her friend’s oven.

A young woman trying to make an evening snack ended up at the hospital Monday night after a round of ammunition exploded inside an oven, police said.

Eighteen-year-old Aalaya Walker just wanted some waffles.

What she didn’t know was that her friend Javarski “JJ” Sandy, 25, had placed a magazine from his .45-caliber Glock 21 in the oven. It’s unclear why he would do that.

Unclear?  They think that’s unclear?  I guess they haven’t heard about the unloaded gun being a shapeshifter and magic bullets.

Thanks to Rick for the heads up.

New Visitors to the Salon

February 27, 2013 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Y’all, we have been electronically syndicated. Which, sadly for you, I have discovered is not nearly as kinky sexy as you would first suspect.

Crooks and Liars, a big ole blog, asked me to join their fun. So, I guess now I am indeed my worst enemy – a blogger. But not here.  Here I am still Juanita Jean Herownself, proprietress of the World’s Most Dangerous Beauty Salon, Inc.

I’ve heard that about 85,000 people a day read Crooks and Liars. Boy howdy, they’re gonna watch those numbers drop like spit off a tall building now.  But for today, counting all the major places I am seen and read, I am reaching 85,004 people.

You won’t notice any changes here.  Well, except for Thelma’s big head.  She wants to parlay this exciting news into a date to the VFW dance this weekend.  She bought a new pair of hot pink leggings for it.  You’d be surprised at how hard it is to find hot pink leggings in size 5X.

Crooks and Liars, Juanita Style.

Thank you, Susie Madrak.

It Seems Like Only Yesterday ….

February 27, 2013 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Please don’t tell John Boehner.  He’ll cry.

Click the little one to get the big one.

Oh, but there’s more hilarity.

Mr. DeLay was defending Republicans’ choice to borrow money and add to this year’s expected $331 billion deficit to pay for Hurricane Katrina relief. Some Republicans have said Congress should make cuts in other areas, but Mr. DeLay said that doesn’t seem possible.

“My answer to those that want to offset the spending is sure, bring me the offsets, I’ll be glad to do it. But nobody has been able to come up with any yet,” the Texas Republican told reporters at his weekly briefing.

Asked if that meant the government was running at peak efficiency, Mr. DeLay said, “Yes, after 11 years of Republican majority we’ve pared it down pretty good.”

Thanks to David for the heads up.

A Well Regulated Militia

February 26, 2013 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Argyle, Texas is a spot in the road in North Texas with a population of about 3,200 brave souls.

And one of them slept in what the police called “a large pool of blood” and lived to tell about it.

It seems that a couple of folks in their 50’s drank enough to float the Battleship Texas one night and decided to play Quick Draw McGraw.  You know this is not going to end well, right?

At first, the 53-year-old woman told police that she had had been cleaning her .44-caliber Ruger Vaquero when she shot herself in the hand and shoulder.

The nervous boyfriend, who smelled of alcohol, told police the same story. But he later admitted that he had been responsible for the shooting.

The man said that the couple had been practicing “quick draws” on each other during a night of drinking. He insisted that he was not aware that the gun was loaded.

Now, when you’re drunk enough to go to sleep in a large pool of blood, odds are fairly decent that you’re not gonna be sober enough to come up with a good story.  And to stick to it.

We call that so drunk that you had to hold on to the grass to lean against the ground.  And if your idea of romantic is to shoot your woman and have her take blame for it, then hunka hunka burnin’ love, Honey.

Thanks to Hilary for the heads up.

Pity the Lawyer Who Has to Keep a, uh, “Straight” Face.

February 26, 2013 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

JoeMyGod found this gem.

Lawyers for former GOP Sen. Larry Craig will argue tomorrow before a federal court that his activities in that Minnesota airport restroom were a legitimate part of his job as a U.S. Senator. Seriously. The Federal Election Commission has charged Craig with illegally using $216,000 in campaign funds in his attempt to have his tearoom toe-tapping guilty plea withdrawn.

Craig is now a lobbyist for coal mining and timber companies.  He should feel right at home among all those logs.

Thanks to Brian for the heads up.