Archive for November, 2010

Willie? Weed? Noooooo….

November 27, 2010 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized


The United States Border Patrol, darling of the rightwing in their quest to keep America safe from terrorism, busted Willie Nelson yesterday and took his skinny butt to jail.

SIERRA BLANCA, Texas (AP) — A U.S. Border Patrol spokesman says country singer Willie Nelson was charged with marijuana possession after 6 ounces was found aboard his tour bus in Texas.

Patrol spokesman Bill Brooks says the bus pulled into the Sierra Blanca, Texas, checkpoint about 9 a.m. Friday. Brooks says an officer smelled pot when a door was opened and a search turned up marijuana.

“Six ounces?” Juanita asked.  “Hell, on any given day you could shake Willie’s shirt and six ounces of pot would fall off.  If six ounces is all the pot you can find on Willie Nelson’s tour bus, it’s amazing that a fight didn’t break out.”

“I would like to deeply and sincerely thank the DEA, Border Patrol, and the Hudspeth County Sheriff’s Office for freekin’ nothing,” Juanita announces.

There’s a story, and I don’t know if it’s true, but if it’s not, it should be.  A couple of decades ago, Willie was arrested for possession in Waco.  During his trial, the arresting officer took the witness stand to explain that he stopped because there was a car on the side of the road and the driver was asleep in the front seat.

“And what was your probable cause for searching the car for drugs?” Willie’s defense lawyer asked the office.

The young officer sat still for a minute and then replied incredulously, “Uh, because it was Willie Freekin’ Nelson.”

That’s just gotta be a true story.

Willie Nelson is 77 years old.  He’s producing amazing music and touring almost constantly with acts a quarter his age.  He raises more money for charity than anyone else in Texas.  He has a black belt in taekwondo and plays pretty good golf.  He’s on his fourth wife, having pooped-out all the other ones.  He’s still making movies, and he won a Grammy last year.  He’ll be 78 in three months.

He is a walking advertisement for marijuana use.

Today, I Am Thankful For My Family, My Friends, My ….

November 25, 2010 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized


Juanita would like to put a Thanksgiving smile on the face of all you people from foreign states.

Newspapers from around Texas — (Click the little ones to get the big ones).



And finally ….


…. where they quote the Beauty Salon and local Republican Party Chair Rick Miller who is shocked, just shocked, I tell you.  Rick, of course, blames the Democrats for Tom’s bad ethics.  Yep, THAT Rick Miller, the same guy who lead a gang of Tom DeLay’s  thugs to a Democratic press conference to beat up elderly ladies.

So today, when you sit down to eat Aunt Bessy’s sweet potatoes, enjoy the sweetness a little bit more.  Justice, sweet justice, has been done in Texas.

DeLay, DeGuerin, DeGuilty!

November 24, 2010 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized


Guilty, guilty, guilty.


Hot Tub Tom is now a convicted felon.

You could not blow the grin off my face with dynamite.

Ronnie Earle and Friend

Since 1985 I have been trying to tell you people that Tom’s a crook.  I would personally like to thank Ronnie Earle, Texas’ DA, and the fine folks of the Travis County DA’s office for not backing down.  Ronnie Earle would fight a rattlesnake with one arm tied behind his back and give the snake three bites head start.  And he’s so honest that you could shoot dice with him over the phone.

I imagine that the words “I will destroy you,” have suddenly disappeared from Tom DeLay’s daily vocabulary.  I honestly don’t know if they sell Viagra for hammers.

The judge is in charge of the sentencing.  I do not want to see Tom go to jail, but watching him do some community service around the courthouse would be very cool.  Cleaning the bird poop off Stephen F. Austin’s head would be kinda appropriate.  We could bring lawn chairs and finally get to see our congressman do some work for us.

Thelma wants to see him in an orange jumpsuit, chained to a guy named Brute who got busted for a building a meth lab, picking up trash with a pointy stick along the side of the highway.

I do think the work should be physical labor.  He needs to learn that if we make a mess, we have to clean it up. It just seems like the right thing to do.

Or, in the alternative, he could carry my golf clubs for 18 holes.  Just saying ….

I’m doing pretty good, Tom.  How ’bout you, Honey?

Bubba reminded me that I had this picture, too —-

In Case You Haven’t Started Cooking Yet

November 24, 2010 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized


Okay, so you’ve heard of a Turducken, but now there’s Pumpecapple.

Thelma came running in this morning with a copy of an article from the Houston Chronicle about 3 pies and 3 cakes all baked into one.  Thelma is rather unpetite, so it was no shock that she was determined to get her hands on one of these cakes.  Thelma once ate a whole carton of Blue Bell Homemade Vanilla and then asked where dessert was.  “Ice cream has milk and eggs and stuff so that doesn’t count as dessert,” she contends.

So, she found the culprit in this whole sugar overload scheme.  He, of course, is from El Lay.  He’s even made a video of how to create cakeapoolza.

Good luck in getting your hands on one of these suckers.  And, if you do, please invite Thelma.  Her life will not be complete until she eats one of these.

Just a Little Joy

November 24, 2010 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

(Click the little one to read the big one.)

One of the things I am thankful for this Thanksgiving that’s pretty high on the list – a brand spankin’ new state representative who walks as he talks.  Read the quote he picked.

Ron was born knowing how to get things done.  Honey, he can wear out several pairs of shoes in one day.  Folks around here know what he stands for and what he won’t stand for.  I’m real thankful for him and all the fighting he’ll do for us.

Happy Thanksgiving to everybody.

Father John is Packing Heat

November 24, 2010 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized


You know it’s Texas when even Catholic Priests pack heat and put out contracts.

A Catholic priest, facing criminal charges and a lawsuit alleging that he sexually abused a teenage boy, is now charged with attempting to hire someone to kill the youth, authorities said Tuesday.

The Rev. John M. Fiala was in the Dallas County, Texas, jail on Tuesday, charged with one count of criminal solicitation to commit capital murder, according to the Texas Department of Public Safety and the jail’s website. He also is charged with two counts of aggravated sexual assault of a child. His bail totals $700,000.

As most of you know, Juanita gets into fights with the local Catholic priests around here at least twice a year, and in a good year, several more times.  It does not shock her that a priest thinks he can get away with murder.

“Get a good look at that picture,” she says, “because odds are that the church will bail him out and move him to a small parish outside of Chicago.”

The teen, after struggling with the abuse, told a school counselor, who notified authorities, Rhodes said. He filed suit in April against Fiala, as well as the archdioceses of San Antonio, Texas, and Omaha, Nebraska — where Fiala was before Texas — and Fiala’s religious order, the Society of Our Lady of the Most Holy Trinity, the attorney said.

The suit claims that all three covered up Fiala’s record of abuse. All three have denied doing so, according to the San Antonio, Texas, Express-News. When former San Antonio Archbishop Jose Gomez and the religious order learned of the police investigation into Fiala’s relationship with the teen, he was removed from active ministry in October 2008, the newspaper reported.

“Children in the Catholic church are walking into a lion’s den with pork chops in their pockets,” Juanita claims.  “In the hereafter, I hope these priests have to look up to see the bottom of hell.”