“I dunno,” Juanita starts. “Maybe it’s just me. Maybe the Steeple People know where I’m going and plant things along the way to make me stand in awe of what the hell are they thinking.”
Juanita is perplexed.
Returning from Austin this weekend, she encountered —
Click the little one to get the big one.
“That’s a portable cross over there on the left, complete with its own Texas license plate – which we will discuss later – and a pointy board that says ‘Jesus Saves’ pointing at cans. No kidding, it seems to read Jesus Saves Cans.”
“It’s not every day that you see Cans for Jesus on a major highway, even in the Bible Belt, so I turned around to make sure it said what I thought it said at 70 miles per hour. Yep. It said Cans for Jesus. And as a totally free extra added attraction, there’s a cross on wheels.”
Juanita continued talking as she put Bessie under the hair dryer. “Being as how I consider myself a fan of Sweet Jesus, things like this fascinate me. First of all, I dunno if this is a certain fact or not because Jesus doesn’t talk to me a lot in regular English, but I have a sneaking suspicion that when Sweet Jesus comes back, a cross is the last darn thing he’s going to want to see. I, personally, keep a small stash of gold, frankincense, and myrrh for any unexpected visits from Sweet Jesus. That seems a far more pleasant welcoming gift. We Southern women are kinda experts in these welcoming gift things so you might want to trust me on this..”
“And, I don’t think he’s going to be at all that pleased that you got his license plate, Babe. I mean, really. A vanity plate is vanity plate, but …. dayum, Honey, that’s Jesus’ plate. Did you ever think that maybe he might want it? However, I have to admit that maybe the cross needs a Texas license plate to make the trip to town.”
“Now, I truly appreciate someone trying like the dickens to do outreach with food and clothing for the poor. That part, as far as I understand, Sweet Jesus would love. So, I walked around for a minute looking for somebody to take a few dollars. Nobody was at home.”
“I do not know where they were. I mean, the cross was parked out front so they couldn’t have gone far.”
And that’s why Juanita loves living in Texas.