Archive for April, 2010

My Other Friend Bob

April 30, 2010 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized


Fox News hit it out of the crazy park.  I don’t watch Fox News unless my friends are on, so maybe this is just normal for them.

My friend El Jefe Bob went on Fox News last night to try to explain the blowout in the Gulf of Mexico to folks who don’t live in oil producing states.

After his interviewer’s eyes glazed over so badly that the shows’ producer went to Full Screen Bob mode,  that was only the beginning.

Watch this sucker for the last question.  You will not be sorry.

God loves Bob for not saying, “No, Sweetie, I do not think it was a terrorist with a bomb in his shoe.  That would be nuts and that’s why they should not give you a microphone to scare people.”

“Not the Briar Patch,” Says Br’er Rabbit, “Anything But The Briar Patch!”

April 30, 2010 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized


“He’s got a good reputation for cussedness,” Juanita starts this morning.

That can only mean one thing:  Tom DeLay is back in the news.

The Texas Court of Criminal Appeals, which is very white and very Republican ruled unanimously 9 – 0 that Tom DeLay is wrong, wrong, wrong that the Texas Election Code is unconstitutional.

“Ole Tom’s brought in a dry hole,” Juanita announces.

“He’s a day late and dollar short,” Thelma joins in.  “He took it on the chin.  He finished out of the money.  He got a chamberpot instead of a jackpot.  He had more losses than a swarm of grasshoppers in a chicken pen.  He came up with the short straw.  He suckin’ the hind teat.  He’s got a hole in the victory sack.  He got caught nappin’.  He …..”

Thelma gets carried away some time.

Tom’s former aides were unsuccessful in keeping their hands clean around Tom and they were equally unsuccessful in an argument to the Appeals Court that they didn’t do diddle squat wrong because the law they broke is unfair … and mean … and only for sissy girls and Democrats …  and they don’t own a dog.

Tom’s writ twit, Dick DeGuerin, said that unless one of the other lawyers files additional appeals, he’s rared-up and ready to take this sucker to trial.

“Well, I imagine so,” Juanita suggests, “what with all that money that Tom made on ‘Dancing With The Stars and An Occasional Crook’ just sitting there not in DeGuerin’s pocket yet.”

DeGuerin added

“It means we’re finally going to get the trial we’ve been waiting for for five years,” DeGuerin said.

“I just love it when lawyers talk dirty,” Juanita grins. “That guy is as nervy as a 400 pound cat bugler.  Trust me on this:  Tom’s lawyer would rather get a good case of malaria than go to trial.  Every law book in the nation says for lawyers to pray for postponements until (1) all the witnesses die, or (2) they change the law.  Five years of lawyer play is plenty enough in Texas.”

“There will be more writ wrangling.  They will be eating fire and spittin’ smoke in the media,” she predicts.  “But in private, they are hearing footsteps.  It’s getting white knuckle time.”

“Of course, when all the news is bad news for Tom, I’m in a rare pleasant mood,” she admits.

Friday Toon

April 30, 2010 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

You Knew It Was Coming

April 29, 2010 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized


You knew it was coming, but what you did not know is that NPR would find it.

It’s made in Hong Kong and it’s sold, of course, by a place called Hot Toys.  While it is not anatomically correct in the complete sense of the word, it is called Truetype Figure African American Advanced Version.  It looks like somebody I know.

Hummm … could it be?

Wait, I know.  I know.  Isaac Hayes!

Dude, you can even buy costumes for this sucker.  Or, he can be nakkid.  Your choice.

Donde Esta Sus Papeles?

April 29, 2010 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized


Rumor has it that Leo Burman is going to introduce a bill in the Texas Lege like the one in Arizona where you have to present papers proving that you are in this country legally.

Juanita has her papers ready:

“Babe, if they ask me for my papers, this is what they are getting.  Sugar ain’t playing this game, Honey.  They are going to have to haul my butt to the jailhouse,” Juanita promises.

Thank God the Lege only meets once every two years.  It takes that long for the nuts to ripen.

Fessing Up

April 28, 2010 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized


Okay, so Juanita and I have some fessing up to do.  We have been distracted this week.  Nothing bad.  Something kinda fun.  But, I’m rarely at the computer this week because of this other deal.

So, imagine my shock when I read that The GOP blinked on the finance reform bill.  Better yet, the Democrats got some cajones the size of Dallas.

Democrats had threatened to hold the Senate in session all night making their case that the Republicans were stalling legislation of importance to virtually every American. The Democrats also have been laying plans to make the legislation a major issue in midterm elections this summer and fall. The Republican retreat came one day after senior executives of Wall Street giant Goldman Sachs were denounced by lawmakers from both parties at a marathon Senate hearing.

And then as if that wasn’t enough, there’s this —-

The Texas Court of Criminal Appeals today upheld the money laundering indictments against James Ellis and John Colyandro in a political ethics case tied to former U.S. House Majority Leader Tom DeLay, R-Sugar Land.

DeLay was not directly involved in the appeal, but his trial had been postponed while the indictments against Colyandro and Ellis were on appeal.

Honey, Tom’s running out of gangplank.  By the way, it was a 9-0 decision so I don’t want to hear any whining from sissy boy.

I’m pondering on getting distracted more often.