Friday Toons

August 26, 2016 By: Juanita Jean Herownself

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SIGN24e Election prison

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As Promised Last Year

August 25, 2016 By: Juanita Jean Herownself

Last October I promised you that there was going to be a demonstration on the first day of classes at the University of Texas over having open carry on campus.

The protest was 5,000 miscellaneous sex toys carried around on campus by women protesting guns on campus.  It was called “cocks, not glocks.” That’s pretty damn funny, right?

More than one person suggested that I was at the protest because I only posted once yesterday.  To be honest, I plum forgot about it.  Plus, I had to take Momma shopping yesterday because she was making me crazy with the “You think I’m 92 years old and don’t need things.  I need things!” daily reminder.

So, I missed the rally.

While Momma was picking out her fall makeup shades, I get a text message from my friend The Judge. She’s not a judge now but she used to be for a long time.

The Judge:  We should be at the sex toy protest.

Me: Why would we protest sex toys?

The Judge: No, stoopid.  UT.  Handguns. Sex Toys instead.

Me:  Damn.  I wanted to be there for the opening ceremonies to throw out the first dildo.

The Judge:  I think we can still make it for the closing ceremonies.

Momma:  Missy, put that phone away right now.  What could be so important?

Y’all, I came this close to telling her. I didn’t, but only because I didn’t want to drive home with my purse up my behind.

 

Reason #5,109 Why I Love Democrats

August 25, 2016 By: Juanita Jean Herownself

My friend Steve in North Texas —

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Since I hate Homeowner’s Associations with a purple passion, I snorted out my nose when I saw this.

 

Fun With Guns: There Goes Your Tip Edition

August 25, 2016 By: Juanita Jean Herownself

This story takes place in Texas, of damn course.

There’s a semi-famous steakhouse in San Antonio known as the Little Red Barn Steakhouse.  Their employees wear fake guns and holster because … I dunno, it seemed like a good idea at the time, I guess.

During the lunch hour, a table of men got plenty riled up when the waiter screwed up their order.  The rest of the event was handled in customary Texas fashion.  There are just no words to tell this story properly, so I’ll steal some from the teevee station that covered it.

“The customers mentioned that he messed up their order, so when the waiter went to the side to step back, one of the customers got loose and started beating on the waiter,” the witness said.

She added that the waiter was able to get away and returned with a gun.

“All I saw was a black gun, cocked it back, went up in the air and shot,” the witness recalled.

The scene after that was described as “pandemonium,” instead of the more familiar Texas description of, “damn goat rodeo.”  A witness speaks —

“There was old ladies on the floor, one in the back actually crying,” she noted. “It was scary.”

Yes, old ladies crying often scare me, too.

It just doesn’t get any worse than that, does it?  Most Texans I know would just get under a table or behind the bar and take their steak with them.

The waiter and the customers left the scene immediately.  I kinda suspect they went over to Clyde’s Ice House and Cantina to get some more beer.

But here’s the part that even you people from foreign states will love —

Police say that all of them could face charges, and the waiter could lose his job since the restaurant told KENS 5 that it’s against company policy for employees to carry guns.

The waiter “could” lose his job.  He could.  He won’t, ya know.  This is Texas, Honey.

Thanks to Charles for the heads up.

News of the Weird

August 24, 2016 By: Juanita Jean Herownself

By now you’ve heard that the daughter of Democratic Senator Joe Minchin is the CEO of the company raising the price of Epi-Pens to outrageous amounts.

Her name is Heather Bresch and shame on her.  More shame on her daddy.

Mylan employees and the company’s PAC contributed a total of $60,750 to Manchin between 2011 and 2016, according to the Center for Responsive Politics.

This isn’t the first time a business decision by Mylan has proved awkward for Manchin. In 2014, through a deal with Abbott Laboratories, the company was able to incorporate in the Netherlands — a move that let it lower its tax bill through what is known as an inversion.

Not only that, but the executives of the company that owns Epi-Pens gave themselves big fat raises.

And, of course that’s not all.  Minchin’s daughter a few other skeletons in her closet.

A 2008 inquiry found Bresch didn’t complete the coursework for her MBA granted by West Virginia University. The school had received a $20 million donation from Mylan chairman Milan Puskar in 2003.

Several of the university administrators resigned in the aftermath, including president Mike Garrison. The former Mylan consultant and lobbyist had gone to high school with Bresch, the daughter of West Virginia Senator Joe Manchin, and was a longtime family friend.

The proverbial Pandora’s box is open and I’d be willing to bet that the price of the Epi-Pen goes down and Minchin finds that he needs to spend more time with his family.

Thanks to everybody for the heads up.

Y’all, Look Away. Seriously. Don’t Look At This.

August 23, 2016 By: Juanita Jean Herownself

Holy Christian Dior.

 

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And Trump immediately tweets that he hasn’t read it.

 

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I think the part that makes me cringe the most is the E Pluribus Awesome.  Ya know, “out of many, one” is the thing that Republicans are messing with the most.  They don’t like the united part of United States and they sure as hell have no intention of ever, ever, ever becoming one with people who aren’t as white as Coulter.

The other thing Coulter screwed with is replacing God’s name with Trump.

A book.  A damn book.

Thanks to Harvey for the heads up.