Republican Debate Chat

February 06, 2016

Have at it, Customers!


How You Know You Have Hit Rock Bottom

February 06, 2016

This is the nicest thing your mother can think to say about you.


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He’s not dumb as a rock, you know.


It Just Got Real Personal

February 06, 2016

Okay, so this Ted Cruz thing just got personal.

I know everybody is picking on Ted Cruz, from his college friends saying he’s a complete jerk to Dana Milbank in the Washington Post calling him nasty.

Oh, Honey, he’s worst than all that.  He’s done picked on me, personally.

I came home last night and there’s a letter from U.S. Senator Ted Cruz in my mailbox.  Plus, oh great manna from heaven, there’s a “check enclosed.”

A damn check.  From Ted Cruz.

Anyway, I figured that Ted sent me money.  Wouldn’t you?  I mean, it says it right there.



Now, why Ted Cruz would be sending out checks like bread on the waters to Democrats, I dunno.

But, wonders never cease, so …

Of course I opened the damn envelope.

Well, sum-of-a-damn-sumbitch.  Look at all this crap.



But, oh my goodness, there’s a check for $45.

It took me a full 15 seconds from being excited to fully and totally believing that Ted Cruz is so full of caca del toro that we need to name a disease after him.  You know, the Cruz Virus: you don’t get sick but you sure get totally pissed off.



Oh sure, it’s a check.  Made out to Ted Cruz.

I mailed it back.  I wrote “Big Check Enclosed” on front.  Enclosed was a $.02 check made out to me.

Admit it, you’d do the same thing.

And …

Speaking of checks, thank you to those who sent them.  You will get a proper thank you note after the election.  For those who want to help Hazel hire some help for an enormous literature drop she has planned for next weekend, yeah this is a gratuitous plug.


Somebody is Gonna Get Fired

February 05, 2016

I’m sure you’ve seen the new Ted Cruz logo.


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Some guy at some political consultant firm got paid more than you make to come up with that.  It’s real nice until you learn what TRUS means.

A transrectal ultrasound (TRUS) is an ultrasound technique that is used to view a man’s prostate and surrounding tissues. The ultrasound transducer (probe) sends sound waves through the wall of the rectum into the prostate gland, which is located directly in front of the rectum. TRUS may also be called prostate sonogram or endorectal ultrasound.

Now, go back and look at the expression on Ted’s face.  Looks like he was smart enough to have the procedure done while he posed for the picture.

We had one not near as funny but it truly explains the importance of not letting your nephew design your campaign signs with his new edition of Photoshop.

The candidate’s name is Morales.


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But you wouldn’t know that from looking at his yard signs.  More is Less?  Really?Oh yeah, people are giggling about it.

Thanks to Fenway Fran for the heads up.


Dude, I’m Not Sure That You Understand What “Supremacist” Means

February 05, 2016

Okay, here’s the deal.  On Wednesday …

According to police, the suspects forced entry into a residential house and assaulted a victim on Willow Walk Drive in Pflugerville. The suspects then stole a guitar and amplifier before leaving the scene in a blue and tan Ford Explorer.

Pflugerville is a real place in Texas.  It’s really far north Austin.

The four suspects took off and led police on a high speed chase through the city and to a retirement home, where they holed up for a while in the kitchen like Butch and Sundance and then decided to jump out second floor windows after scaring the bejesus out of some old people.  Of course, they got caught and all rounded up that night.

And who are these hooligans?

After further investigation, it was determined that all four suspects are documented gang members. They each belong to a derivative of white supremacy oriented street gangs.

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All across Texas today, people of color are laughing their butts off.


Friday Toons

February 05, 2016