This Lawyer Was Absent The Day They Taught Libel.

June 28, 2016 By: Juanita Jean Herownself

Big tough guy and Donald Trump’s lawyer.

 

Screen Shot 2016-06-28 at 3.13.36 PM

Yeah, Writ Twit, but he has to beat her on votes.

Thanks to P.P. for the heads up.

Oh, Sure, NOW You Go

June 28, 2016 By: Juanita Jean Herownself

Damn Old George Will.  In my estimation, George Will is patronizingly smart. Nobody who is really smart patronizes everyone else.  I am quite shocked that he hasn’t gone cross-eyed looking down his nose.  That’s why it’s so much fun to pick on him.

Screen Shot 2016-06-28 at 11.44.17 AMDamn Old George Will has made a pronouncement:  He’s leaving the Republican Party because of Donald Trump.

Well, if he has any intention whatsoever of coming over here to the Democratic Party, he better bring a ladder to climb over my dead body.

Let me see if I have this straight. Richard Nixon wasn’t cause to leave. George W Bush wasn’t cause to leave. Sarah Palin wasn’t even cause to leave. But, Donald Trump, well gee, gotta go!

George is an hour late and dollar short.  He helped create this Trump monster but now he wants to run away?

Damn Old George Will.

Thanks to Deb for the heads up.

 

I Love Yew, Texas

June 28, 2016 By: Juanita Jean Herownself

I know that you are not going to believe this story so I found some legitimate news sources to back it up.

AUSTIN, Texas – The Texas Supreme Court has sided with a family accused of not teaching its children anything while waiting “to be raptured.”

A decade ago, Laura and Michael McIntyre starting educating their nine children in the backroom of a motorcycle dealership in El Paso, Texas.

But problems began when the dealership’s co-owner and Michael’s twin brother, Tracy, reported never seeing the children reading, working on math, using computers or doing much of anything educational except singing and playing instruments. He said he heard one of them say learning was unnecessary since “they were going to be raptured.”

Dear Lord, hear my prayer: The Texas Supreme Court needs to be raptured today.

Thanks to everybody for the heads up.

Fun With Knives, Sticks, Skin Heads and Whatnot

June 28, 2016 By: Juanita Jean Herownself

Okay, so this weekend there was a rally in California for groups interested in providing “security” for Donald Trump supporters at the Republican National Convention.

It went fairly well.

The Traditionalist Worker Party asked to meet with the Golden State Skinheads to coordinate their activities for the Republican convention to keep people from demonstrating against Donald Trump.

The rally dissolved into chaos, with anti-fascist and anarchist protesters physically clashing with the approximately 30 skinheads who showed up at the event. At least 10 people were injured.

Yeah, they stabbed each other.

They seem like nice people.

 

Welcome to Mississippi. Have a Swig of NyQuil.

June 28, 2016 By: Juanita Jean Herownself

Mississippi Republican State Senate President Pro Tem Terry Burton does not have a drinking problem.  He has a breath spray problem.

573a90afcf385.imageHe got his butt arrested last month for his second DUI in two years.  He ran his truck off the road at 10:00 pm after attending a concert.  He killed a stop sign.  They took him to the police station and he blew “drunk.”

He says he had some drinks that morning but that he quit drinking in the afternoon.  You know, because it’s healthier to drink in the morning.

So, here’s his story and he’s sticking to it.

“I had a coughing spell after all the powder and dust blew from the air bags deploying,” Burton said on Friday. “I took some cough syrup. … It was Nyquil, that was all I had in my bag, had nothing else in the vehicle to drink. … I used breath spray because my mouth felt like cotton.

That right there is a pretty good Mississippi story, if you’re drunk when you told it.

Now here’s the best part:  The judge ruled, “Yep, that’s what happened.”

Justice Court Judge Wilbur McCurdy (no, I am not making up these names) ruled that the NyQuil and breath spray caused a false positive on the breath-o-meter.

So, State Senator Terry Burton walked out of the courtroom, stuck some NyQuil in his hip pocket and some breath spray under his cowboy hat, and headed over to the saloon to celebrate.

Well done, Mississippi.

Thanks to AlanInAustin for the heads up.

The New Birtherism: Featherism

June 27, 2016 By: Juanita Jean Herownself

Tea Party parrot Scott Brown, the former Senator from Massachusetts who got his electoral rump handed to him by Elizabeth Warren – she beat him by 8 points, is now running to be Donald Trump’s Veep selection.

220px-SbrownofficialBrown has decided to take a move from Trump’s birtherism playbook.

Brown is demanding that Warren take a DNA test to prove that she is part American Indian.

Dude, she registered the website Pocahontas.com just to jack with your puppet master.   She was born in Oklahoma, you idiot, most everybody in Oklahoma is at least 1/32nd Native American.

Remember, after Warren beat him in 2012, Brown went to New Hampshire and ran against Jeanne Shaheen, where is also got beat.

Okay, read this word in Donald Trump’s voice: Looooser.

Hell, we don’t want a DNA test from him.  We want an IQ test.