Oh, Momma, Oh Dear

July 27, 2017 By: Juanita Jean Herownself

Dear Momma,

Remember when Bill Clinton got caught with Monica and you called me and asked what oral sex means and I told you that it means talking about sex because I just could not bring myself to tell you what it really means and then you said something about it at the Dorcus Sunday School class over at the Mountview Baptist Church and everybody giggled because their daughters told them the truth?

You were mad at me for two years.  I mean, not furious mad, but I got the side-eye a few more times than I earned.

Well, I am telling you the truth now.  Do not, under any circumstance, click this link.

Do not.

I know that you think Donald Trump is a classless slob and that you do not believe the Russian dossier because you don’t know any women who would urinate on Donald Trump even if he was on fire, but this link will tell you more than any 92 year old Baptist woman needs to know.  (To anyone else who might steal-read this, Momma is quick to point out to people that she is not one of “those” kind of Baptist.  She is the Bill Moyers and Jimmie Carter kind of Baptist.)  This link is a story about how one perverted man talks dirty about two other men.  And not in the good gay way.  So, don’t read it.

Seriously, Momma, get your finger away from the mouse.  This is a real bad story.

You won’t miss a thing and nobody will talk about it at Sunday School because the only thing appropriate to say is tsk, tsk.

Reminder.  Do not click this link.

Love and fried okra,
Juanita Jean.

(Thanks to everybody for the heads up.)

Should Have Seen This Coming

July 27, 2017 By: Juanita Jean Herownself

Washington Post headline.

 

 

Yep.  We have a crazy man in the White House, but he wants to lower taxes on the rich.  Republicans are not totally reprehensible.  They do have a line.  And now we know where it is:  Protect the last openly racist elected official in the whole damn county.

Good Lord.

And I heard a good line about Anthony Scarydouchey (no, I will not learn to spell his name.  Mainly because he won’t be around very long but also because my spelling is much more accurate.) Someone said he a human pinky ring.  I like that.

 

TL;DR

July 27, 2017 By: Juanita Jean Herownself

Okay, I am about 3/4 of the way through one of the most informative yet chilling articles I have read on the Trump administration.

This stuff scares me to death.  I know I try to be funny here because Lord knows we all need it, but this is not funny.  The Department of Energy does some serious stuff and nobody in the Trump administration – especially Rick Perry – is a serious person.

Here’s just a small snippet from the article I decided to stop and share with you.  Rick Perry.

Since Perry was confirmed, his role has been ceremonial and bizarre. He pops up in distant lands and tweets in praise of this or that D.O.E. program while his masters inside the White House create budgets to eliminate those very programs. His sporadic public communications have had in them something of the shell-shocked grandmother trying to preside over a pleasant family Thanksgiving dinner while pretending that her blind-drunk husband isn’t standing naked on the dining-room table waving the carving knife over his head.

But, this is not the worst part.  It’s about #18 on the scary as crap list.

Its a very long read so wait until you can pour a cup of coffee and give yourself at least 30 uninterrupted minutes.  And then another hour to cry.

I don’t think I’m overreacting, but please read it yourself and talk me down if you can.

 

Let’s Go Smack a Woman

July 27, 2017 By: Juanita Jean Herownself

Y’all, of course, have not forgotten that Texas Congresspuke Blake Farenthold wanted to have a duel with the Republican female senators who voted against the Trumpcare bill.

Well, like crabgrass and Baptists, it’s spreading.

Today, Buddy Carter (R-GA) appeared on MSNBC, where he was asked what he thought about Trump’s attack on Senator Lisa Murkowski (R-AK) after she refused to vote to proceed on Trumpcare. Carter responded by advocating for violence against his female colleague.

“I think it’s perfectly fair, let me tell you somebody needs to go over there to that Senate and snatch a knot in their ass,” said Carter. “Snatch a knot” is slang for physically assaulting someone.

I am from the South.  I have lived all my life in the South, as have my people.  I have never heard the term “snatch a knot in their ass.”  I have heard “snatch her bald”, “put a knot on his head”, “whip his ass”, and pretty often “who the hell is Buddy Carter”, but I have never heard snatch a knot in their ass.

If you ask me, it sounds like something real creepy that happens in S&M sex dungeons, which I am now certain is where Buddy Carter spends his weekends.

Republicans are creepy people, y’all.

Thanks to Larry for the heads up.

Bright Lights, Big City

July 26, 2017 By: Juanita Jean Herownself

Texas Governor Greg Abbott is running for president.  He knows he’s smarter than Rick Perry but, hell, most everybody is, so Greg thinks he can get himself elected.

I want you to write this down somewhere:  Greg Abbott is dangerous.

He has this idea that the federal government can’t tell the states what to do because local government is always better than big government.  However, listen up here, he believes that the State of Texas can tell cities and counties what to do because … Greg Abbott is governor.

The problem is that all of Texas’ big cities are run by Democratic mayors.  So, now we have this:

The mayors of Texas’ five largest cities, including Austin Mayor Steve Adler, were left off the list of mayors who will meet with Gov. Greg Abbott over the coming week to discuss city-related issues at the Texas Legislature.

Mayors from Houston, San Antonio, Dallas, Austin and Fort Worth will not be in any of the meetings taking place Wednesday and Thursday at the governor’s mansion. Last week, 18 Texas mayors signed a letter requesting to meet with Abbott to talk about many of Abbott’s proposals they think would “impede the ability of Texas cities to provide vital services.”

These mayors have something else in common – they are all Democrats.

Abbott’s plan is to meet with the mayors in small groups so they can’t gang up on him.  For example, on August 2nd, Abbott is slated to meet with the mayors of Arlington, Frisco, Irving and McKinney.  Yeah, well, they never heard of you either.

You know what I think?  I think Greg Abbott is all hat and no cattle.  All gall and no guts.

If the boy can’t stand up to five Democrats, he’s gonna have a helluva time being president.

 

History Always Repeats Itself, But Sometime It Doesn’t.

July 26, 2017 By: Juanita Jean Herownself

 

 

And …

On this day in 1948, President Truman ended segregation in the Armed Forces. Just thought I’d mention that.