Proof That The Christian Right is Neither
So you’re not going to believe this. I checked it out every which way and I have come to believe that it’s true and not from a satire site. But, it’s the kind of thing that makes you think satire sites are real.
Remember when Texas Governor Rick Perry held a giant ole ten-buggy prayer meeting to pray for rain? Well, as rain is apt to do, it did rain about 6 months later and Rick Perry took a bow and claimed his prayer was answered.
Oklahoma Governor Mary Fallin, a Super DeLux Brand Christian who exercises by toting around a ton of sanctimony, has decided that Jesus gave us gas. Well actually oil, but it’s the same thing.
It seems that the oil industry isn’t doing too well in Oklahoma because it doesn’t grow on trees, and since Republicans can’t possibly raise taxes on oil gazillionaires so they pay their fair share, the Governor decided to issue a proclamation in Jesus’ name.
Hold on. I’m gonna let you read the whole damn thing because I believe, yes, I believe, in the power of crazy on a platter.
Whereas, Oklahoma is blessed with an abundance of oil and natural gas, allowing the state to be a prosperous producer of these valuable resources; and
Whereas Christians acknowledge such natural resources are created by God; and
Whereas the oil and gas industry continues to produce countless opportunities for wealth generation for Oklahoma families; and
Whereas Oklahoma recognizes the incredible economic, community and faith-based impacts demonstrated across the state by oil and natural gas companies; and
Whereas Christians are invited to thank God for the blessing created by the oil and natural gas industry and to seek His wisdom and ask for protection;
Now, therefore, I, Mary Fallin, Governor, do hereby proclaim October 13, 2016, as “Oilfield Prayer Day” in the state of Oklahoma.
Oilfield Prayer Day. Honey, I have no idea why it wasn’t called “Jesus Give Us Some Magic Money and Pollute Our Air At the Same Time.” Or even, “Jesus Gives Us Gas The Natural Way.”
Apparently, Oklahomans weren’t impressed with the water into wine or raising the dead. That crap doesn’t pay worth a flip. Jesus needs to be doing something useful.
I don’t know if the Governor is aware of this, but Oklahoma has become earthquake central due to fracking. Maybe all the nonChristians in the state could have Earthquake Prayer Day.
Y’all, I didn’t make this up. I’m not that funny.
Juanita your just jealous that Texas didn’t come up with “Oilfield Prayer Day” first.
1All you guys came up with is a bunch of stupid rain.
So I guess Jesus gives us fracking and Satan is responsible for the earthquakes. Is that how it works?
2Mattress Mary – living proof that NV doesn’t have a lock on all the crazy snacilbupeR women. My apologies for that failure, OK.
3Well, first of all, let’s not get too Jesusy. She and her proclamation say God. I know… picky, but….
Otherwise, God also sends tornadoes. Be sure to thank God for those, too!
4So– OK. Gov. is trying to top TX rep. Gohmert. I call it a Tie.
5Please GOD send them more Earthquakes and Tornadoes.
Acts of God you know.
So, whose gift was all that oil and natural gas under Saudi Arabia? Imagine the uproar if the Saudis issued a “Oilfield Prayer Day”, substituting “Muslims” for “Christians.” There’d be a vast disturbance in the Right Wingnut Alternative Universe.
6Always remember folks, rain, tornadoes, catastrophic oil well blowouts, and billion dollar profits are all God’s will. That’s why evangelicals embrace free market conservatism. God’s will = Everybody’s got what they deserve. “Can’t feed your kids? You’re lazy and God doesn’t smile on you. Born into wealth? You come from a virtuous family and are blessed by grace. Work hard and pray, people. Only God can change your fortune. Not socialist guvmint!” Personally, my favorite bit is “faith based impacts……oil ad gas companies.” Having worked on drilling rigs and in refineries, that’s f***ing HILARIOUS.
7I guess “Oilfield, Pipe, & Transportation Tax Prayer Day” was too long. But if that was her proclamation, I bet she’s answer a lot more prayers.
8I imagine those earthquakes will bring them to their knees one way or another.
9If I were to believe Fallon’s argument that oil earning money for Oklahoma is part of God’s plan, then logically I would also have to believe that Mary Fallin is part of God’s plan and I just can’t get there.
10Ooooooom that bleach on her “blond” hair has gone deep!
11I guess that explains why climate change doesn’t bother them– it’s their god’s doing. The rest of us would like it not to be 120° and flooded fifty miles inland, thanks.
12JJ, please stop calling them the “Christian Right”. While there may be something religious about their cult, it has nothing to do with what Jesus taught.
13@ montag: Yes, let’s call them the “Kristian” right – and always mention that Kristians are fake Christians, just as “Krab” is fake crab.
Part of the whole Kristian M.O. is to claim that anyone criticizing Kristian hypocrisy hates Christians, thus using the Christian faith as a shield behind which they pursue their evil plans.
14“I like Christians fine. I just hate you people.”
15Being an old timer, I remember when logic meant something.
16Given their track record, pervangelist works just fine for these special snowflakes.
Ms. JJ on the humor/satire scale you are a 10+! You are that funny. It’s not your fault that there is nothing humorous about these pervangelists. If they were trying to be funny, they’d be sensational. Unfortunately for them they believe those crazy voices echoing in their craniums.
17And all you Jews and Mooslems can take a hike.
18I believe that Lex was trying to say Juanita you’re (conjunction for you are) just jealous; when he used the pronoun your).
Of course the Captain is not knocking Lex’s grammar!
19J J. As long as we have RWNJ you will never run out of material.
20She knows how to use her religion for her political benefit. After all, isn’t that just what Jesus had in mind? I think one of those old testament minor prophets said something about how god wants all Kristians to be major profits. (See what I did there?)
21Don’t know whether to laugh or cry. When oh when will all these fake Christians get raptured to a hot Jupiter in a galaxy far, far away?
22The so-called “Christian Right” has never been Christian nor has it ever, ever been right! That also goes for the “Religious Right” and the “Moral Majority!”
23Speaking of the Moral Majority, it was never Moral and definitely was nowhere near a majority of anyone except the grifters/conmen/women that ran it and the sheep they fleeced!
Next step – pay Benny Hinn a bunch of tax dollars to cast out the “Demon of Earthquakes”.
24@AKLynne#9- I’ve speculated that the lady guvnor, and the rest of the snacibupeRs have moved so far right that the temblors from the next fracking-induced earthquake might shake them clear off the edge of their flat earth.
25Um. Would Fallin please come down to Florida and talk to Rick [the P is silent] Scott and Duke Energy for us peons?
They seem to be under the delusion that, while oil and gas were given to us by Gawd n Jeebus, the sun wasn’t.
Which explains Amendment 1 which is on the ballot in November. “We gotta stop all that heretical installing of panels on rooftops!” If God had wanted us to use power from the sun, he would’ve made it easier to make a profit from it!”
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