Friday Toons
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Archive for January, 2019
Government Spell Check Has Been Sent Home
Trump this morning —
Speaking for the unhinged left, I admit that Trump is correct. We do not give a big bear’s butt about Right for our Countrty.
That is all.
That’s a Big Boy
In response to Nancy Pelosi, Trump mailed her this.
Dear Madame Speaker,
Due to the Shutdown, I am sorry to inform you that your trip to Brussels, Egypt, and Afghanistan has been postponed. We will reschedule this seven-day excursion when the Shutdown is over. In light of the 800,000 great American workers not receiving pay, I am sure you would agree that postponing this public relations event is totally appropriate. I also feel that, during this period, it would be better if you were in Washinton negotiating with me and joining the Strong Border Security movement to end the Shutdown. Obviously, if you would like to make your journey by flying commercial, that would certainly be your prerogative.
I look forward to seeing you soon and even more forward to watching our open and dangerous Southern Border finally receive the attention, funding, and security it so desperately deserves!
Sincerely,
Donald J. Trump
Hey, at least he didn’t give San Francisco to Syria. I heard that was also under consideration.
Thanks to everybody for the heads up.
And thanks to Kary for the Thursday Toon.
Silver Alert!
Missing: Old white man in a 2018 Limo being driven by a underpaid unpaid staff member. Last seen in Washington DeeCee kissing Donald Trump’s ass.
Thank you to Senators Brian Schatz and Chris Murphy for keeping count.
Thanks to Deb T for the heads up.
Moving the Bar on Weirdness
So during the presidential campaign, Michael Cohen paid a guy named John Gauger to rig online polls in Donald Trump’s favor.
Gauger
John Gauger is the chief information officer at Liberty University. You know, that Christian University founded by Jerry Faldwell and now run by his son. With that in mind, the story becomes fun.
When Gauger goes to Cohen’s Trump Organization office to collect the promised $50,000 payment, weird things happen …
In his Trump Organization office, Mr. Cohen surprised the man, John Gauger, by giving him a blue Walmart bag containing between $12,000 and $13,000 in cash and, randomly, a boxing glove that Mr. Cohen said had been worn by a Brazilian mixed-martial arts fighter, Mr. Gauger said.
A blue Walmart bag? Not even a Big Mac box?
So, Gauger billed the Trump Organization for the rest of the $50,000. To this day, he has never been paid, but that’s not weird at all.
Gauger also did some favors for Cohen, and that was indeed weird.
In addition, Gauger allegedly set up a Twitter account for Michael Cohen that was named, WomenForCohen. The account, which is still active, describes itself as, “Women who love and support Michael Cohen. Strong, pit bull, sex symbol, no nonsense, business oriented, and ready to make a difference!”
Oh dear. But, hey, you have to admire Cohen’s restraint in not claiming a large bulge in his britches.
The Twitter account mainly retweets Cohen and says he’s brilliant. It is important to note that no women were involved in the making of this Twitter account.
Goodness sake. These men were running the damn country.
Brazen Hussies
It’s on Twitter so it’s gotta be true. James Lee Peterson, he’s never heard of you either, has written a column about the floozies in congress.
You can read his whole column here, but you will hurt yourself badly before you finish.
I want to start my own list …
“has ordered their steak rare.”
“has been to a Lady GaGa concert.”
“is wearing pants.”
“showers naked.”
“had had sex more times than she’s had children.”
“cannot sew.”
This could get fun.
Thanks to Mark for the heads up.