Yeah, Yeah, The Gays Are Messin’ With Republicans Again

November 27, 2013 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Houston Mayor Annise Parker was re-elected to her third term last month with a landslide.  She got like 80% of the vote because she’s a damn good mayor.  There were, like maybe, six candidates and there wasn’t even a second place.   Honey, she was so hot that she glowed in the dark for three days after the election.

annise-parkerLast week she announced that the City of Houston would start giving employee spousal benefits to same-gender couples who were married outside of Texas.

Holy crap, with the way Republicans reacted you’d think the only reason she did it was to distract from the computer problems of Obamacare.  Jared Woodfill, the chairman of the Harris County Republican Party, pounded his spoon on his high chair tray and screeched that the Mayor has “abused her office.”  Woodfill then proceeds to abuse her.

You gotta read this.

Mayor Parker and City Attorney David Feldman wrongly have interpreted the Supreme Court case this summer to apply to the city. Never mind that the voters of Texas worded the Texas Constitution to ban such unions. Never mind that the voters of Houston worded the Houston City Charter to ban such benefits. Mayor Parker unilaterally disposed of the Houston City Charter and the Texas Constitution without anything even resembling democratic process. For case law to be applied at the local level, test cases are often necessary, but these should come from citizens petitioning for a lack of constitutional protection or for perceived inequality, not the Mayor of the third largest city in the US blatantly and brazenly violating the laws passed by the people’s duly elected representatives in Texas and at the federal level.

That brazen hussy!

Never mind the 14th amendment.  Never mind her overwhelming victory showing that she has more support than a Cross Your Heart Bra.  Never mind that Woodfill couldn’t even find a Republican with the courage to take her on.  Never mind that what she did was perfectly legal and extremely proper.

6456_113808017082_750222082_2440527_3462738_n-1It’s kinda cute that Woodfill’s rant comes a day before even Rick Perry gives in to the Department of Defense and allows the Texas National Guard to give same-gender spousal benefits.   I guess all those stockpiled weapons and threats of secession kinda faded in the face of drone strike reality.

Woodfill loves to rant about Mayor Parker.  She really gets under his skin.  I can’t decide if it’s because she’s a woman, or that she’s a lesbian, or that she’s smart, or that she’s successful.  Personally, I think it’s because she is a smart successful woman who just happens to be lesbian.

I kinda figure that next time he’ll give in to that knot in his stomach and just yell, “Look, y’all, she’s got cooties AND titties!”

It’ll do his heart good to get it out of his system.  Plus, it’ll just amuse the hell outta me.


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25 Comments to “Yeah, Yeah, The Gays Are Messin’ With Republicans Again”

  1. Carl Whitmarsh says:

    Thank you JuanitaJean for nailing this one on the head – too bad it was not through Jareds head itself, but the fact remains, Houstonians are lucky to have a Mayor like Annise Parker. She’s everything you described, plus she oozes ethics out of every pore and best of all, she has never been ashamed of or afraid to announce that she was a Democrat. Somehow I think ethics and a strong willful woman who is a loud Democrat and just happens to be a lesbian, sends shivers up Jared’s and the GOP’s spine…..oops GOP and spine…now that is an oxymoron. Go Annise! One more reason Houstonians and Democrats should be thankful this holiday season.

  2. His photograph looks like it’s straight out of a 1950’s newspaper.

    While we’re in this mood, let’s remember that the USDA kills more birds, thousands more, than wind turbines. Just saying. Look it up.

    Here. have a virtual brownie. Virtual brownies give you choices of nuts, choc. chips, or cocoanut, all without extra calories. Oh, lest we forget, Cruz “Full o’ Nuts” Cookies. Something to munch on while you sip coffee and think about things.

  3. It’s refreshing that a politician of honor “…has more support than a Cross-Your-Heart Bra…”. If the Supremes have ruled, there should be no need for more ‘test cases’, especially if citizens don’t experience a lack of legal protection cause they have the law on their side, in the person of Her Honor, the Mayor. Another instance of Repugs unable to deal with consequences.

  4. SteveTheReturned says:

    Gee, a Texas Republican who’s as clueless as he is hateful. How completely unsurprising. Take no prisoners, Annise…..

  5. It seems to me that the Supreme Court unilaterally disposed of the Houston City Charter and the Texas Constitution. The good news is that some enterprising person can probably recycle them as toilet paper, in which form they will be far more useful.

  6. As usual Juanita Jean points out the absurdity of someone like Jared Woodfill. Sometimes the republicans make it just too easy for Juanita Jean.

  7. Lorraine in Spring says:

    Methinks he doth protest too much. Is this Don Draper wannabe hoping to run for anything in the future?

    Annise Parker gets bonus points for putting Jared’s bowels in an uproar for this Turkey Day. Well done, madam.

  8. I figure folks who make policy and news these days mostly worry about who’s going to make money from it and whether or not it’s a marketable product. Love of money and all that.

  9. Don A in Pennsyltucky says:

    I think that being amused by stupid rather than outraged is a sign of numbness setting in. I used to get upset by drivers who use the merge lane or shoulder to move a few car lengths ahead in the traffic jam (we call it the dick head lane or sometimes the douchebag lane). Now I just shake my head in wonderment and become amused when half a mile later I find them stuck in the left-turn lane while I glide on by.

  10. What’s really enlightening is digging into the backgrounds of screaming homophobes like Woodfill to discover what twisted sexual perversions they’re toting around with them. As go the lyrics from the classic Simon and Garfunkel song, “Mrs. Robinson”:

    “… Hide it in a hiding place where no one ever goes
    Put it in your pantry with your cupcakes …”

  11. She pissed off a re-Puke-ian!!! GloryB!!!
    That’s so great that I would even consider it only self-defense if she shot one!!
    But then I’m not texan so my thoughts don’t really count for much. Btween this gal, Wendy, and a few others, it may well be that Texas will be saved by women…wont that really piss off a lot of re-Puke-ians.

  12. Last week Chattanooga’s city council voted for the same thing but I haven’t heard any expected wailing/rendering of garments/gnashing of teeth. I’m kinda disappointed, really.

  13. Braxton Braggart says:

    Jared just needs to find the right guy, that’s all.

  14. You gotta luv it when homophobic heads explode.

  15. Jesse V Castillo says:

    Thank you for putting it straight…no pun intended..
    ‘Gays messing with …again…”
    Good For US.
    thanks for the rest of the info

  16. Polite Kool Marxist says:

    Dear Jared,

    You’ll survive. Honest little trooper. My wife’s sister recently married her partner of many years. Strange fact is their marriage has improved our marriage. There’s something about being surrounded by other loving committed couples that improves the atmosphere for everyone, whichever their preference.

    But, if those words do not bring you a measure of comfort, so be it. Let your head explode with anger over something that isn’t about you. Or, is it?

  17. e platypus onion says:

    Rethugs can’t abide happy people. They are so full of bile they want everyone to suffer with them.

  18. Corinne Sabo says:

    Like he said, never mind HIM.

  19. I have a comment I would like to make about Republicans but it is so profane that I’m sure all the folks here would definitely get the vapors. Unfortunately, I’m a retired sailor with a potty mouth that comes with >20 years service. So I will refrain rather than profane.

    These lunatics from the GOP just can’t give up on their hate of anyone other that old white men.

    The saying goes something like this: “Keep …….ing that chicken”

    There are so many things they say, do and legislate that they are ensuring the death of the GOP and I can’t say I’m not looking forward to the upcoming demise!

    I hope that passes “muster”!

  20. And just how in the heck what the mayor did affect Woodfill? Did it break his leg or pick his pocket? (Thank you, Thomas Jefferson!) This is the kid who discovered that the only sure way he could get attention was to make up something to whiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine about.

  21. Rekster — Thank you most sincerely for your service, and I second your sentiment.

  22. yet another baby boomer says:

    My opinion of Parker as our mayor is not all that positive but I wholeheartedly support her on this issue. Besides it’s fun to watch all the homophobes/haters/idiot pols gyrate in front of the oncoming tsunami. Seriously, haven’t any of these clueless twits conversed with anyone under the age of forty? On pretty much every GLBT issue not only have the horses left the barn but the door’s been blown off its hinges. I’m not saying life is all rosy for the GLBT folks but I’m actually optimistic that I might see them get some basic civil rights in my lifetime. In the meantime, it’s kinda amusing and satisfying seeing the Woodfill types get their knickers all in a knot and puff themselves all up knowing all the while they’re losing. All sound and fury and signifying nothing.

  23. @Rekster, reminds me of my sainted Marine father who had a similar saying, which I heard many times.
    According to one story, one fine day in Da Nang a boot brown bar lit into Dad about some failure or another. Dad’s reply was “You’re $%$%$ the chicken. I’m just holding it.”

    That may well be the larger GOP’s reply when they are held responsible for the actions of the T’s.

  24. Miss Prissybritches says:

    How does that man breathe with his head up his wazoo that far? I hope all those Repugnicans in that posture eventually suffocate.

    Especially those bastions of Khristianity in the Methodist Church who de-frocked their minister a couple of days ago for performing the marriage ceremony for his gay child. I was raised Methodist, and in our little Panhandle town… we were the town liberals. Shudder to think . . . .

    Wonder how much fun the Cheney family had eating turkey together at their family Thanksgiving table this year? hahahaha