Worse than “Bad-Touches” Elmo?

November 30, 2015 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

by Primo Encarnación

You know those unsolicited newsletters you get from people you no longer know going on about what a wonderful year they had, how marvelous their kids are, and Merry Christmas, your life sucks next to mine?

I used to think the only things worse than those were the ones that say how horrible their year was, how all their kids are sick, or in jail, and Happy New Year, maybe I won’t kill myself in 2016.

I was wrong: THIS is worser, still.

Only a flying egomaniac covering up a deep sense of inadequacy like Ben Carson is would commission a special lithograph especially for you, so that he can show how special it is to him that you think he is special. Unfortunately, it’s not true to life… you can actually see his eyeballs, which seem to follow you, even into your dreams.

Mental Ben: the comically creepy gift of the season.

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29 Comments to “Worse than “Bad-Touches” Elmo?”


  1. “Merry Christmas!” says Ben. “Please send me a gift.”

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  2. Polite Kool Marxist says:

    Be thankful for the small things, Primo. At least Mental Ben didn’t waste trees and send out his personal himself as Jesus on a cross imitations. Or, reproductions of that one of himself with Jesus wearing a Trump Towers robe.

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  3. daChipster says:

    PKM, I’m beginning to think that’s a family portrait: Ben and His Only-Begotten Son.

    Rick, you’re right. Carson is the grift that keeps on taking.

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  4. Marcia in CO says:

    Perfect addition to your dartboard …

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  5. fran seyer says:

    Almost makes trump seem sane………

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  6. John Peter Henson says:

    If it is so special….send it back to him as the donation.

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  7. “I am supporting your bid to repeal and replace Obamacare, to rid us of the IRS, to secure our borders, to reform welfare, to keep America safe, and to free us of government interference in our lives. Here is my best contribution of….”

    Oh, yeah. Except for telling us things like who to worship, who to marry, how many children to have, and when to die, Republicans want to free us of government interference in our lives.

    And good luck securing our borders and keeping America safe once you abolish the IRS, though it would reform welfare if the government had zero money.

    These people are dangerous, and this one is dangerously insane.

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  8. slipstream says:

    Free us of government interference in our lives?

    Ask Terri Schiavo’s husband how good Republicans are at freeing us of government interference in our lives.

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  9. Polite Kool Marxist says:

    daChipster, yes Mental Ben would think “family portrait: Ben and His Only-Begotten Son.” When I was in the Air Force, met some doctors who thought they were little gods. But nothing like the megalomania of Mental Ben. Dude has a god complex yet to be described by the APA.

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  10. Polite Kool Marxist says:

    Rhea, Mental Ben is dangerously insane. But, so are Cruz and T-Rump. Carly is a certifiable psychopath. Rubio and Kasich are as big a putz of Koch clay as Snotty Wanker. Jeb(?) is dumber than Dubya, and twice as dangerous. Then what can I say about the Outlaw Jersey Whale, Governor Cartman? Wait. I got it. He has been endorsed by the Manchester Union Liar.

    Is Reince Priebus bald yet or at the Betty Ford Clinic?

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  11. Thanks a lot. I had a hard day working with senior citizens who hate Obamacare and I cam home, had a porter, and was looking forward to a nice restful evening. The you had to go an ruin it with this crap. Thanks a lot.

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  12. At the least he could have included a picture of the Syrian refugee camps which he thinks are so nice that they should all just stay there. The alternative Carson universe keeps him occupied so he just can’t be bothered with reality.

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  13. Uhhhhh…..

    Yeah, I got nothin’.

    “Mental” doesn’t begin to cover it.

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  14. Polite Kool Marxist says:

    Bernard, if I knew your time zone and taste in amusement, I’d link you up with some great shows.

    Wait. This one is good. https://www.youtube.com/embed/lJ7AfSO2fKs?feature=player_embedded

    Hope your evening is better, man.

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  15. Polite Kool Marxist says:

    maryelle, I was an adult living in tents too often in the Air Force for too long. But we had 3 squares a day and occasionally a hot meal once a week or so, when in the “field.” I also had an end of hell date, otherwise known as a separation from active duty date.

    The Syrian refugees and their children have no such assurances. When Mental Ben and the snacilbupR politicians demand that children live in lesser conditions for years with no known day for a real home and merely adequate food, I have no words to address their inhumanity.

    Forget Mental Ben. My plan would be to provide those families and children with safe homes, food, education; the basics. We can end jihadism with compassion. Bombs and drones only prolong the agony and create future jihadists.

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  16. Susan on the Left Coast says:

    The scary clowns must be having a who is creepier contest.
    Ted Cruz is selling a Christmas sweater with his portrait flanked by don’t tread on me snakes coiled snakes woven on the chest area. http://www.chron.com/news/politics/us/article/Ted-Cruz-selling-ugly-Christmas-sweater-for-Cyber-6664536.php

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  17. Susan on the Left Coast says:

    oops…sorry for typo!

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  18. Mental Ben appears to be very much in love with himself and believes the rest of the country is just waiting around to assist him in that effort. No wonder there are no pictures of his wife and children displayed in his home; he’s the “beauty queen” with a number of loose or missing brain cells.

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  19. Ick. Ick, ick, ick. And one more Ickeeeeee!

    That’s exactly how I feel about Raphael’s sweater too. PKM’s assessment of their mental condition is exactly right.

    Bernard, maybe it was a typo when you said, “went home and had a porter”? Perhaps you meant “port”, as in wine? Or maybe not. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

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  20. Here’s a better Christmas letter: Merry Christmas from Chiron Beta Prime

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  21. My late father-in-law had a painting made of his border collie mix. The image disturbed my little bride because she swore the dog’s eyes seemed to follow her when she walked past the painting. I got a similar feeling from this Mental Ben imagery. And a bit of scoliosis as well. Creepers!

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  22. “I hope you can see in the portrait what is in my heart — a love for God, a love of country, and a deep desire to serve both … and to serve you.”

    Please believe me. I’m telling the honest to God’s truth here. I saw the above passage and, I swear, what I read was, “I hope you can see in the portrait what is in my heart — a love for God, a love of country, and a deep desire to serve both … and to screw you.”

    Yeah, I think my version is more accurate except BOTH iterations of the word “serve” should have been changed in my mind’s eye. My trutho-meter is falling down on the job a bit – but it did get it half right, anyway.

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  23. To Susan:
    I made the mistake of clicking on your link.
    Ewwwwww!
    There’s an upside, though. Both those snakes look poised to simultaneously bite little Teddy on his ears. That could only be an improvement.

    And to Rhea and Slipstream:
    The mask is off. They used to at least pretend they wanted people to have a modicum of freedom – – not any more. Now, when R’s say, “Get government off people’s backs,” they’re blatantly referring only to “people” [as defined by the Supreme Court] whose last names are either “Inc.” or “Corp.” The rest of us are on our own and, these days, they’re coming right out and saying so.

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  24. Juanita Jean says:

    Susan on the Left Coast, Late last night while I was unpacking I posted a quick story and scheduled it to show up this morning about … you guessed it, Ted’s sweaters. It’s a damn good thing that I read the comments this morning before the story posted or y’all would have thought I was totally insane. Ok, more total insane!

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  25. Lorraine in Spring says:

    JJ, I love yew with all my heart. But, if I have nightmares tonight over this, I’m sending you a picture of Donald Trump.

    Naked.

    You’ve been warned.

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  26. Patticakes says:

    Gag me with a spoon. A big spoon.

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  27. Opinionated Hussy says:

    My late (yes, I mean dead) Mama got one of these. Loved the postage-paid envelope, which I promptly stuffed with many pages from an old “Sierra” magazine (at least 2 ounces’ worth) and mailed back. Hope they enjoy paying the postage for THAT one!

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  28. Mary Beth says:

    Ms. O. Hussy: My husband in the late stages of cancer thought the repubs were his friends. He has been dead for two years; I still get the calls. “Dr. Carson would like to speak to P.H.” I sez, “me too, it’s just so darn hard to get his attention these days, him being dead and all”. They usually hang up pretty quick. Another sure bet is when the NRA calls for contributions I tell them he donated to you now it’s time to pay him back. He could use the money. Hello? Hello? God snickers.

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  29. Linda Phipps says:

    Debbo: a porter is a kind of thick swampy strong beer.

    PKM: wonderful comment, you beautifully illustrated what life in refugee camps is like for the children, and you know, the parents who see their children suffer under this indignity.

    Mary Beth, once mom got a call asking for “Fritz”. We had a large Boxer named Fritz, so she put him on.

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