Well, There Ya Go

May 30, 2015 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

You know how Texas is facing the worst flood since Noah built an ark?

Well, hell, it’s because we’ve all gone Sodomite.  And we have witches.  Lotsa them.


She claims the Valley didn’t flood because they shut down all their abortion clinics.  Well, that there is some caca del toro.  The Valley did flood.

I personally think it was because God finally got around to Rick Perry’s wish list and just kinda went overboard because he figured he owed Rick some interest on that account.

Or El Nino.  I’m just saying.  Could be El Nino.

Thanks to Carl for the heads up.

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35 Comments to “Well, There Ya Go”

  1. So if her God disapproves of certain people, his response is to smite thousands of people pretty much at random? Including children? And many other people who are neither witches nor sodomites?

    BTW, wasn’t one test of witchcraft based on the idea that witches don’t sink? So does a flood really make sense?

    Her God sounds like a lunatic. Probably because she created Him in her own image.

  2. Polite Kool Marxist says:

    Is there a new book coming out with bigger and better exciting myths? The many translations have been fun, but nothing could be funnier than scripture according to a wing nut.

    As for weather, weather patterns and forecasts, I’ll stick with NASA and NOAA, not Noah.

  3. e platypus onion says:

    Where are all those “good men” with squirt guns and water pistols to stop the raging floods?

  4. I had to cut her off halfway through because I could feel my brain starting to ooze out my ears. Different planet. Completely different planet.

    Yes, LynnN, her god is a psychopath for that reason. But she does have Biblical precedent for his killing a whole lot of people who sort of got in the way when he was mad.

  5. @epo
    Maybe Louie, aka “sponge brain” could just soak it all up. The go down to the Guffamexico and squeeze it out down there?? Inquiring minds want to know….

  6. Aggieland Liz says:

    Yeah great, “Rebecca from College Station” !! It would be *facepalm*

  7. e platypus onion says:

    Put Louie the Loon in an ark and let him pretend to lead the floodwaters to the Gulf. Be sure to cut the brake lines on his ark so he can’t stop before hitting the South Pole. He can explain his theories on global warming to penguins. Maybe they can figure him out-or eat him.

  8. Old Mayfly says:

    JuanitaJean It is May 30 & there you are. So glad to hear from you.

    Been worrying about you and yours and all that water in Texas.

  9. It looks like Bastrop she mentioned might have a bunch of Duggaring going on…

    I never heard of the place before all the video on the news about their Jade Helm meeting when they ambushed Lt. Colonel Lastoria with questions only an “Inbred Moran” would ask…

  10. Nina Jo says:

    I want her to explain to me one thing: Bastrop. First Bastrop gets purged with fire. And now the damn dam breaks.

    If Bastrop is so much the Holy of Holies that its citizens can call down their protest signs and wave them against the Messenger of the Antichrist in front of the TV cameras; then why does their god wish to smite them so with Fire and Flood?

    Hell, at this rate, FEMA would save us a bit of tax money by setting up a satelite office in Bastrop. That would really get them going, wouldn’t it?

    I’m betting that when the rapture starts, Bastrop will be Ground Zero.

  11. After all these years, I am not so sure “talk therapy” is all that therapeutic, especially on the radio and the teevee. If meds don’t work, there’s always brain surgery, namely insert a brain where there wasn’t one before.

  12. e platypus onion says:

    Texas needs a whole lotta stoopid conversion therapy-pray away the stoopid.

  13. Corinne Sabo says:

    Do I really have that much power?

  14. Some damnfool said New Orleans flooded because of all the gays. Texas badly needed rain. Evidently there are now a lot of gays in Texas. Have they moved there in the past few years? Evidently from California, which isn’t getting nearly enough rain.

    If this sounds logical to anyone, neuter them, at least, for the sake of the gene pool.

  15. Nina Jo says:

    I certainly hope so, Corinne Sabo. And I hope that you use your super powers to spread joy around. And I bet you’re hanging out somewhere that’s a whole lot more fun than Bastrop!

  16. I’m a bit surprised that she didn’t somehow tie Obama into her causations. Stay tuned.

  17. This is the folly of the Old Testament mentality. I hate it when anyone says “God, Allah, Yahweh is punishing _____ because they did ______”. Moving past the obvious fact that the innocent suffer along with the guilty, you get the concept of a supreme being judging my sins to be greater or lesser than someone else and worthy of some sort of collective punishment. As everyone knows, that invites the holier than though to assume they are among his flock. That is the folly of man.

  18. Rhea, while your theory makes perfect sense meteorologically, I just can’t see a whole bunch of gays moving from California to Texas.

    However, if that should be the case, I’m sure we’ll get them back after a few more meetings of the Texas House.

  19. Scott, on the notion of God’s judging who’s worthy, note how many people who survive a disaster proclaim, “God must have been watching out for me!” Well, aren’t you special– I guess he didn’t give a flip about those 243 other people.

  20. Teh Gerg says:

    Faith becomes useless when the faithful believe in absolute BS.

  21. Well, God told me that the reason the flooding happened had nothing to do with him.
    Told me that he gave us the tools to deal with global warming (and asked why the heck did we let it happen in the first place??!!) and wondered what was wrong with ‘those people”?

    Did admit he had been crying lately for all the hate about gay marriage and the Duggar girls, but not near enough to flood.

    Wants to know why republicans are still around, His master plan had them gone by 2000, the latest!

    That’s my story and I am sticking to it!!!

  22. Trust me when I tell you the religious right (read Pat Robertson) followers in Wimberley FAR OUTNUMBER whatever witches we might have.

  23. Zyxomma says:

    My info is way out of date (left Houston in the mid-1970s 16 months after arriving there), but I was familiar with the part of town the idiot mentioned. This is 2015. Who the hell calls gay and lesbian people sodomites?

  24. Witchcraft in the Hill Country?? We’re up to our eyeballs in Republicans, honey, so I don’t know where you got that idea.

  25. e platypus onion says:

    Old word-new definition. Odious- adjective
    extremely unpleasant; repulsive. New definition- O D S-Obama Derangement Syndrome. Fits rwnj like white on rice.

  26. e platypus onion says:

    Any idea how much awl and toxic chemicals will soon be in Galveston Bay and the Gulf?

    Maybe Obama will be able to call for martial law in flooded zones and freak A-Butt and Nugent out.

  27. Oh, crap! I better get the hell outta Bastrop real soon!

  28. RepubAnon says:

    “Sodomize” – isn’t that what Republican policies routinely do to the average person?

  29. Their Omni-everything gawd is such a blind arrogant pile o’schite that when Katrina came to punish the gays it missed and hit the poor xtians, when tornadoes came thru OK to punish the gays, they missed and hit the poor xtians, now texas(if we are lucky) will be drowned or float away, again punishing the poor xtians!!!! Their gawd must really hate poor xtians!!! Maybe being rich and/or gay is the right way to go after all!!!!

  30. gabberflasted says:

    Them folks up in Yorkville, Illinois better get their tithes ready. Just sayin.’

  31. Charlie says:

    People who are incapable of critical thinking, and therefore, easily bamboozled, are the kind of people that believe what this woman calling in believe. She thinks she figured this out on her own, but she just applied the beliefs she has been tricked into having.

  32. l;angelomisterioso says:

    CHARLIE-You’ll note she picked none other than the chief mouthpiece for an SPLC designated hate group to reveal her theory to.
    i guess she knew she’d find a measure of acceptance there. At least no one would brand her a blithering idiot, especially since Bryan himself is one along with being a complete A-hole . I’ve not figured out whether the fact she thinks this revelation completely logical is more or less scary.

  33. e platypus onion says:

    Dumbass Dubya was a Saddam-mite and what does this say about all them bloody Australian vegetarians being Vegemites?

    Please don’t accuse me of hating Aussies. I’m still madly in lust with Elle and Naomi Watts and Bolivia Neutron-Bomb and Kylie Minogue and Nicole Kidman and yummy Sigrid Thornton,etc.

  34. Odious, ODS. EPO, that is brilliant!

  35. Marge Wood says:

    Here I thought all along it was because of the greed that blinded people to the consequences of their behavior.