The War on Cupcakes Is Finally Over!

January 13, 2015 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Victory!  The brutal, vicious, devastating war on cupcakes has been won.

Newly elected Texas Agriculture Commissioner Sid Miller, a frequent guest at this beauty salon for his love of guns and transvaginal sonograms, has decided to take on the big issues of Texas.

Before we start this story about Sid and the cupcakes, I need to tell you something.  Ole Sid has a bad case of dinky-do.  That’s when his stomach sticks out more than his dinky-do.

Screen Shot 2015-01-13 at 8.20.34 AM

Even so, people were a little taken back when Sid announced his first official act.  He freed the cupcakes.

Newly elected Agriculture Commissioner Sid Miller is going for the gut. In his first official act as commissioner, Miller granted full amnesty to cupcakes. Cakes, pies, and brownies made the list, too.

At a press conference Monday at the Texas Department of Agriculture, with a Hey Cupcake! food truck parked behind him, Miller reminded Texans that the statewide rules that once banned cupcakes and other junk food from classrooms were repealed last July. And the Miller administration, he said, will “do less when it comes to mandates for our local schools.”

I know y’all think I’m making this up.  I am not.

The policy, which has been in place since 2004, was not one of the big issues in the last election but Sid was plenty upset about it and bygawd he was gonna fix it come diabetes or high water.

“If you ask me, that sounds like something from the Obama administration,” Miller said of the 2004 policy. “I can’t believe we would be doing that here in Texas.”

Oh yeah, it’s also state law in Texas that you can’t hate something without blaming President Obama.

Screen Shot 2015-01-13 at 8.38.18 AMThe law was put in place by Republican Ag Commissioner Susan Combs.  Republican.

(Heavy Sigh)  It’s gonna be an awfully long legislative session, y’all.

So, Ole Sid freed the cupcakes and held a press conference to do it.

This is not from The Onion.  This is from the Washington Post.

Before he went to the Capitol, Miller walked to the microphone with a cupcake in hand.

“There was once a famous line, and it went like this: Let them eat cake,” he said, taking a big bite of his cupcake.

Y’all, he has no clue where that line is from.  He has no idea that it’s meant to signify someone who is filled to the brim with arrogance and totally clueless about a given situation.

Or maybe he does.

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29 Comments to “The War on Cupcakes Is Finally Over!”


  1. Larry from Colorado says:

    Does anything serious ever happen in Texas, other than shootings?

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  2. Mark Schlemmer says:

    This guy looks like Rush Limpwad. Maybe I just haven’t had my coffee yet but I think there is a striking familial similarity. Or is that “simianity.” Monkey see, monkey do. Well, anyway they have a great deal of parallel brain activity. Not to be confused with thinking. You people in Texas elect some First Class Asshats

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  3. Gidget Commando says:

    I wonder if he remembers what happened to the person who is said to have originated that line.

    Betcha he don’t. Heh.

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  4. A dipwad will do anything to get attention, no matter how absurd or notorious. For them there is no such thing as bad publicity, and that is all this stunt is.

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  5. AlanInAustin says:

    Hey, a man’s got to have priorities….

    Now on to the mandating the serving of brisket and potato salad!

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  6. Bob in TN says:

    Without wishing harm to anyone, it would still have been an act of cosmic justice if ol’ Sid had keeled over with a heart attack two seconds after he bit into that cupcake

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  7. Ralph Wiggam says:

    There is another famous line from The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy:
    “mindless jerks who will be the first against the wall when the revolution comes”

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  8. with a belly like that, who knows when the ol’ ticker is gonna give up the cupcake…

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  9. Fred Farklestone says:

    Sam Houston was dead on!

    “All new states are invested, more or less, by a class of noisy, second-rate men who are always in favor of rash and extreme measures, but Texas was absolutely overrun by such men.”
    Sam Houston quotes

    http://thinkexist.com/quotes/with/keyword/texas/

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  10. Ya know, if I were a school principal, I’d ban those disgusting grocery store cupcakes too just because they stain everything.

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  11. Don A in Pennsyltucky says:

    Schools and junk foods are big business. The local distributor for Little Debbie says that the biggest school district in the county stopped selling his snack cakes last year and now their cafeteria/food-service operation is running in the red to the tune of several hundred dollars a day. I’m guessing that there are a lot of distributors for Little Debbie, Hostess, etc. who are going to be happy to be able to sell their products through the schools again.
    One of my cow-orkers has a daughter who is really peeved at Michelle Obama for ruining the school lunches and I’m betting that Mr. Bubblegut the Ag Commish gets an extra thrill out of tweaking the First Lady’s nose.

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  12. “Let them eat cake.” *Sigh* [Facepalm]

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  13. Something from the Obama administration? Starting in 2004? I realize a lot of Repubs would like to forget that Dubya ever existed, but history is against them.

    I do encourage Miller to eat all the heart-healthy junk food he can get his hands on (though he appears to need little encouragement). He is a slow-motion Darwin Award.

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  14. heads will roll!!!

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  15. Polite Kool Marxist says:

    TexasTrailerParkTrash says: *Sigh* [Facepalm]

    LynnN says: He is a slow-motion Darwin Award.

    Sorry Sid, but the ladies have said it all, so butter your scone and be gone.

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  16. Who elects these “non-critical thinkers” to state-wide office?

    Oh wait…. I know…

    The rest of the non-thinkers in the State of Texas… who mindlessly vote “Republican.”

    If I lived somewhere else, I’d laugh at us, too. 🙂

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  17. “Let them eat cake.”

    He’s probably against teaching evolution in the schools too, so this ties in with his anti-Darwinism message, “Survival of the fattest.”

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  18. Maybe he’s gunning for the Kindergarten vote. With policies like that and a lot of luck, he may be elected Class President.

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  19. Miss Prissybritches says:

    And thank you for that campaign contribution last fall, food distributors to schools….

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  20. So, is this now a war on Atkins he’s fighting against?

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  21. With great difficulty over the past 9 months I have reduced my weight from 220+ pounds to a comparatively svelte 190+ pounds. My experiments with foods leads me to believe flour and sugar are your enemy. While I love cupcakes, esp when made by my little bride or one of my daughters, I also know how much effort it will take to keep from hauling them around for years. The plan to limit such in schools is a kindness to the students and faculty. Shame on this illiterate nitwit.

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  22. e platypus onion says:

    Now wingnuts are attempting to quote the French surrender monkeys? What hath god wrought?

    Maybe he wants Texas kids remade in his image.

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  23. Corinne Sabo says:

    Now our kids can be obese like Miller! Great for our health!

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  24. Sid Miller endorsed Becky Berger. That tells us something as well.

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  25. Marion (formerly known as MM) says:

    As we can all see, his cupcake runneth over!

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  26. Like Bob in TN, I do not wish harm to any human, but Sid looks like a heart attack waiting to happen and the sugar, sodium, white flour and trans fats in cupcakes, cakes, cookies and pies are a no-fail recipe for an MI, and he doesn’t look like he limits his red meat intake or exercises much. RIP, Sid.

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  27. Aggieland Liz says:

    Somewhere a history teacher is spinning in a grave…

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  28. Yes, Aggieland Liz.

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  29. Considering the unhealthy aspect of this guy I’d say the cupcakes won, along with their allies other sweet and fatty foods and the moral support of alcohol.

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