The Father, The Son, and the Holy Bushmaster

May 31, 2013 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

The Goofy Vacuum left by Michele Bachmann has a whole list of applicants and I’m proud to say that most of them are from Texas.

Steve Stockman, Louie Gohmert’s philosophical brother and fellow east Texan, has proclaimed that gun are from God.

No, seriously.  You know, like manna.

Rep. Steve Stockman (R-Texas) warned on Thursday that the United Nations was seeking to violate what he described as the god-given right to have guns through its Arms Trade Treaty, which President Barack Obama has suggested he’ll sign next month.

“The right to keep and bear arms is granted by God and protecting [sic] from government aggression by the Constitution,” Stockman said in a statement. “It is not subject to the whims of global totalitarians massed in New York City.”

Damn.  Think how Moses feels.

You know, I’m not pretending to be any Biblical scholar or anything but it seems to me that if God had wanted us to have guns, he would have made them grow on trees or something.

Thanks to Brian for the heads up.

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11 Comments to “The Father, The Son, and the Holy Bushmaster”


  1. Alacrity Fitzhughe says:

    Sorta like, If God had wanted us to wear clothes, we would have been born with them…..

    If God had wanted us to have guns, we would have been born with them.

    Just saying…..

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  2. This is a strong argument against the concept of Intelligent Design. Obviously if God had Designed Intelligently we would be picking AK-47s off our shade tree in the back yard. The ammo would grow on shrubs.

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  3. Just another gun cultist! Exactly what the Founders were trying to prevent when they wrote in that thing about militia membership requirement being the sole reason for bearing arms. Smart guys. They knew what kind of intellect was coming down the pike.

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  4. Brianm0122 says:

    Funny, I may not have spent a whole lot of time reading the bible, I may have missed the parts about people being smited with assault rifles.

    colt 3:16

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  5. Lorraine in Spring says:

    Ya know, I thought I’d get a day or two to miss Michelle Bachmann’s type of stupid. But, silly me, I forgot how deep Texas’ bench is.

    Thanks for reminding me about Steve Stockman.

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  6. You got it mixed up. Yaweh, bless his heart, put the stuff he DIDN’T want us to have on trees. Check Genesis 2:17

    I love readin’ me some mythology.

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  7. Simple: anything I want is a gift from God. Anything I don’t want (or don’t want to admit in public that I want) is from the devil. See, religion is easy for some people. School must have been easy too, flunking everything like that.

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  8. Cindy D. says:

    I learnt in East Texas Sunday School that Moses brought some rocks down from a mountain. On those rocks were some laws to live by. One of them rules was “Thou shall not kill.” It always confused me how a Jew wrote in Old English venacular like “thou,” but maybe that’s one of the reasons I flunked Sunday School. My suggestion is that Stockman take a look at those rules before he says it is a God given right to own a gun that kills things like people. I bet he could find a Sunday School teacher in East Texas to show him that story in the Bible. Problem is he can’t read and think. I doubt he could pass the STARR test they are giving in school.

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  9. Corinne Sabo says:

    “Beat your swords into plowshares” Jesus is the Prince of Peace, not the prince of guns.

    Can’t these guys read, or are they just stupid?

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  10. Rubymay says:

    Doggone it, you guys! I can’t find that part about guns and how God and Jesus feel about them in my Bible. If Stockman says it, though, it must be so. For those who are more familiar with the Bible, is this part somewhere close to the photographs of Jesus?

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  11. donquijoterocket says:

    @ Cindy D- It might be near Elizabethan English,but as has been said if English was good enough for Jesus, it ought to be good enough for the rest of us.

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