Your Louie Fix

July 15, 2017 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Okay, okay, I know you’re needing a Louie fix.  I know you’re having withdrawal symptoms what with Donald Trump taking all the crazy headlines.

But, Louie is working day and night to raise his crazzzzy quotient.  And, bygawd, he’s done it.

Representative Louie Gohmert (R-TX) thinks that transgender members of the U.S. military are an “advertising bonanza” for “radical Islamists.”

“When it’s advertised that the United States Congress is in favor of taking men and surgically making them into women with the money that they would use to protect the nation otherwise…then it is an advertising bonanza for the radical Islamists,” Gohmert said Friday in a speech on the house floor, after referring to transness as a “type of lifestyle.”

If you’re transgender, you’re emboldening the enemy.

Later in his statement, he says he knows this information because his “Muslim friends” told him so.  Then he caught himself and added quickly, “friendly Muslims — Muslim friends, yes, I do have them from around the world.”

No, he does not.

And as a special added treat, here’s is Louie’s latest campaign finance report for you to have fun with.   Alfredo over at the Dairy Queen was especially interested in this one.

 

Jordanian Airlines?  One way ticket?  I dunno ’bout that.

 

Louie, Louie, Me Gotta Go … To The Bathroom To Upchuck.

June 12, 2017 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Oh y’all, Louie Gohmert ain’t taking no summer break.  No, sireeeee, Louie is 12 month nincompoop so there is no rest for his troubled soul.

Let me interrupt this story to tell you something I’ve just noticed.  In Texas, Louie enjoys one name fame. He’s just Louie.  You know, like Madonna or Cher. You say Louie anywhere in Texas and people start cringing because they know they are fixing to hear something crazy. And, God bless him, Louie did not let us down this time.

Louie thinks that Donald Trump can walk on water, which lends slight credence to the fact that Louie is  deacon over at the Baptist Church. This week, Louie kinda singled out James Comey as the antiChrist du jour, which kinda takes the pressure off Barack Obama, Hollywood, and college professors, at least for this week.

Louie has decided that James Comey was fibbing during his testimony …

“I believe I heard him say he did the memo [about possible obstruction of justice] then he talked with some of his colleagues,” Gohmert insisted to Fox News host Julie Banderas. “We need to round up everybody he talked to because they were all conspiring against the president and all conspiring against their oath of office, conspiring against their own employment agreement.”

“We have a conspiracy remaining afoot in the Department of Justice that is going to be out to destroy this president and they’ve got to be fired, if not worse,” he added.

It’s a conspiracy!  It’s a conspiracy! The sky is falling … on a conspiracy!

I love this part: “they’ve got to be fired, if not worse.”  Worse?  What?  Are the stockades on back order?

Okay, here’s the stumbling block. We already have 93 US Attorney positions empty since Sessions fired them all or they left because … oooey … Sessions.  If you fired everybody else, you leave Jeff Sessions alone to do the work of US Attorneys all over this country. If that doesn’t scare your butt, you ain’t got full brain capacity.

If talking to somebody constitutes a conspiracy, then … oh yes, I will say it … shut the hell up, Louie.

Thanks to everybody for the heads up.

I Guess Louie Needs to Pray More Often

February 23, 2017 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Louie Gohmert is refusing to do town halls out in east Texas.  Do you want to know why?  He doesn’t want you to get shot.

“At this time there are groups from the more violent strains of the leftist ideology, some even being paid, who are preying on public town halls to wreak havoc and threaten public safety,” Gohmert said in a statement.

“Threats are nothing new to me and I have gotten my share as a felony judge. However, the House Sergeant at Arms advised us after former Congresswoman Gabby Giffords was shot at a public appearance, that civilian attendees at Congressional public events stand the most chance of being harmed or killed—just as happened there.”

There’s a couple of bean dip dumb things about that statement.

First off, Gohmert has voted against every sensible piece of gun legislation in the seven years since Giffords was shot.  If he is concerned about your safety, ‘plain that.

Second off, Gohmert has attended every damn gun fetish and Come-And-Take-It flag waving tea party demonstration in this whole country.  And he’s scared of some kale-eating liberals?

 

.

Yeah, these really look like some bad hombres.

Third off, how come it’s perfectly safe for Louie to speak at the country club but not the high school cafeteria?

Y’all, Louie was not a “felony judge.” There is no such thing as a felony judge in Texas. So, if you see him, please refer to him as a so-called felony judge.  However, I admit it was a felony for his jerk to ever be a judge.

Thanks to everybody for the heads up.