Quick! Somebody Give Jeff Sessions Some Drugs

July 13, 2017 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Jeff Sessions is real worried about drugs.  The damn government is crashing down around him and Nero Sessions is real worried about pot.

When Willie Nelson was told that Jeff Sessions said that pot is “only slightly less awful than heroin,” Willie philosophied (yeah, I made up that word.  It’ a good word.  Willie is a philosopher.) …

I wonder if he’s tried both of them. I don’t think you can really make a statement like that unless you tried it all. So I’d like to suggest to Jeff to try it and then let me know later if he thinks he’s still telling the truth!

Yesterday, Sessions made the argument that all we need to do is bring back the DARE program in schools because it “was working” when we had it.  The best response?


Radel was caught buying cocaine in 2014 from an undercover agent in Washington and spent nearly a month in a rehabilitation facility.


In the “No Shoot, Sherlock” Category of Breaking News

April 26, 2017 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Honey, if “probably” is the best they could do


He took money from Russia and Turkey and then didn’t reveal that when he wanted his security clearance back to serve President Trump.

Here’s the Fun With Republican Math part.

Chaffetz stressed that the government ought to “recover the money” that was paid to Flynn by foreign entities — a figure that would at least be in the tens of thousands of dollars.

We know he took $45,000 from Russia and more than $500,000 from Turkey so, yeah that’s tens of thousands.  That’s 545 tens of thousands.

Flynn could face jail time but don’t count on Jeff Sessions to make a big deal of it.  Or to even see it. I don’t even think Sessions even casts a reflection in a mirror at this point.


Oh Jeffrey, Take To Your Fainting Couch Because Miss Scarlett is Here To Tell You, “No Damn Wall, Child.”

April 25, 2017 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

United States Attorney General Jeffrey Beauregard Sessions is standing by his man.  Jeffrey says that if Mexico doesn’t pay for the wall, the United States can start investigating Mexicans’ taxes.

Oh yeah, that sounds real constitutional.

Jeffrey is following his man by echoing Trump’s promise to get the money from Mexico “one way or another,” including kneecapping your grandmother for payment if she ever ate a tamale.

Bottom line: You have to have congressional approval to build the damn wall.  You’re not gonna get it. Every elected official along the Texas border – both Democratic and Republican – are opposed to it.

It’s dumb idea. It’s always been a dumb idea. And, thanks to Jeffrey, it’s getting dumber every day.


Jeff Sessions on Pot

March 15, 2017 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Okay, so there’s our new Attorney General Jeff Sessions.  He’s all about trying to put Willie Nelson in jail.

And I am astonished to hear people suggest that we can solve our heroin crisis by legalizing marijuana – so people can trade one life-wrecking dependency for another that’s only slightly less awful. Our nation needs to say clearly once again that using drugs will destroy your life.

He also wants you to know that masturbation causes blindness and leaches can cure polio.

Marijuana – slightly less awful than putting your head in the blender.

Just say no worked so damn well that we need to try that again.


Jeff Sessions Blinks UPDATED

January 10, 2017 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Okay, there is something wrong with Sessions.  I’m watching Dick Durbin question him.  He blinks once a second for about 10 seconds, then he doesn’t blink at all the next 20 seconds.  It’s weird.

Sessions is running away from his record faster than a bullet with legs.  He says, “The AG just enforces the laws so how I voted doesn’t matter.”

Now I’m watching John Cornyn kiss Sessions butt.

Who else is watching?


1:05 Texas Time – Ted Cruz is using his entire time to give speech bashing Democrats for the past 8 years and the Democrats on the committee.  The good part: no way in hell they’ll put him on the Supreme Court now.  He’s dripping in sarcasm.