My beginning of the first day of the new, uh…urp, president’s term began appropriately – after a restless few hours of sleep, I was jolted out of bed at 3 am with a gigantic charley horse in my left leg. Blissful sleep this night was not to be. So, I dragged my weary self down the stairs, made my morning tea and opened my iPad. JJJJEEEEEZZZZZZUUUUUSSSSS. The first story is about how the FBI, the NSA, and the CIA are using intercepted communications to investigate Cheeto Jesus’s advisors’ ties to the Russians. Several of CJ’s close advisors are under the microscope.
Then there’s the story about how CJ wanted tanks and missile launchers in the inaugural parade. No, really, this idiot actually wanted a North Korean and Russian style parade. Mercifully, the Pentagon said no, but caved on his demand for flyovers of aircraft from all the branches of the military. This is the first time a flyover has been done since Harry Truman’s inaugural parade in 1949.
Then there’s the story that this transition was so poorly managed that dozens of Obama appointees were asked to stay until His Orangeness gets off Twitter long enough to hire the rest of his WH staff. Of the 660 staff he needs to appoint, he’s only filled 29 positions.
Then there’s the story about the Cheeto Interrussian Hotel that has already become an ethical minefield, and is now ground zero for those wishing favors from the new, uh…urp, president by holding huge events there, thus pouring more money into his pockets.
Then there’s the announcement by CJ that his 2020, uh…urp, reelection bid slogan is “Keep America Great”, which just so happens to be identical to the tag line of a horror movie from last year, The Purge, Election Year. That’s right, dear customers, Cheeto Jesus just plagiarized his next campaign motto from a horror flick about election night. You just can’t make up this stuff.
Then there’s the story about Reince Preibus ordering new staffers to not talk to CJ without his prior permission. Oh, and to stay off social media.
BBBBBBBBBUUUUUUUAAAAAAHHHHAAAAA! The irony just seeps out of this one.
This promises to be a dark day. I’m seeing Ms. Jefe off this morning to raise hell in the Women’s March on Washington, then I’m going to start drinking. After all, if you don’t start early, you can’t drink all day.