Texas, I Love Yew

June 22, 2017 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Boerne (pronounced burn-ee) is a small town in central Texas.  It has Baptists, Republicans and more old people than a Metamucil sale at Walgreens.

Kyle Courtney, who owns a well water supply company, paid for this open billboard to ABC News.

 

Kyle says he grew up watching ABC News.  He ain’t watching any more.

Now, here’s the weird part:  there is no Kyle Courtney registered to vote in Boerne.  There’s one in San Antonio but he’s way younger than a man who claims to have been in the water well business for 30 years.  There’s not even a Courtney with the middle name of Kyle in all of Texas who is old enough to have been in business for 30 years.

I dunno.  Maybe he’s a Russian.

Thanks to Victoria for the heads up.

I Love Yew, Texas. Your Governor, On The Other Hand … Not So Much

May 26, 2017 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Texas Governor Greg Abbott made a joke today about shooting reporters.  Yeah, while body-slamming a reporter is still in the news.

A Texas Tribune reporter snapped a photo of Abbott showing off his target sheet on Friday, after which the governor “jokingly” pointed to the bullet holes and threatened the media.

“I’m gonna carry this around in case I see any reporters,” Abbott said, according to reporter Patrick Svitek.

 

Too soon, Governor.  Ten years from now, still too soon.

 

I Love Yew, Texas

May 26, 2017 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Robert Morrow has announced that he’s running for the Chairmanship of the Republican Party of Texas on a “Impeach Trump” platform.

For those of you unfamiliar with Robert Morrow, he was elected chairman of the Travis County (think: Austin) Republican Party.  The GOP power structure was not pleased.

 

The current Texas Republican Party Chair up and resigned with no warning.  So, the Republican Executive Committee will electe a new chair in Austin on Saturday, June 3rd.  Morrow is running.

To be honest – even for a Republican, Morrow ain’t all there. Or maybe he’s the sanest person in that Party – it’s just damn hard to tell these days.

Now he’s decided that Trump needs impeaching and he’s the man to lead the charge.

You wanna know why?  Sure you do.

A few of the many qualifications I have for being Chairman of the Texas Republican Party are:

1)       I am a political truth teller.

2)      In the past 20 years I have voted in more Texas Republican primaries than Rick Perry.

3)      I am a Ron Paul supporter.

4)      In 2004, I played a critical grassroots role in getting Republican Rep. Todd Baxter re-elected to the State House. Just ask Todd Baxter. This is the state rep seat that Donna Howard currently holds.

5)      In both 2008 and 2012 I was one of the leaders of Ron Paul for President in Austin, TX.

6)      Unlike George Herbert Walker Bush, I have not murdered anyone, as he did with Barry Seal in 1986.

7)      Unlike cocaine addict and CIA drug smuggler Bill Clinton I do not think that Barry Seal got what he had coming to him. Barry Seal was a friend of Bill Clinton which tells you a lot about Bill “Serial Rapist” Clinton.

8)      Unlike George Herbert Walker Bush, I am not a homosexual pedophile who molests and has sex with young boys. Read the books The Franklin Cover Up and The Franklin Scandal for information on that. Former Texas GOP chair Cathie Adams knows all about the Franklin Cover Up and I have discussed it with her.

9)      My top priority is the impeachment and removal from office of child molester, business criminal, serial adulterer, golf cheat and political criminal Donald Trump. Message to Trump supporters: you sleep with dogs you will get fleas.

10)    I am very proud of my book The Clintons’ War on Womenwhich rips the hide off the Clintons like no other book has done before. This is one of the few books child rapist Donald Trump has read and he kept it on his desk in 2016.

11)     In 2016 I received 145 votes for President of the United States.

12)    I am the Chairman Emeritus of the Travis County Republican Party, gaining it world attention as I ran it from June 13 to August 19, 2016.

13)    I like big titties. I am a proponent of boobyliciousness. In the past several years I have shared on social media the pics of over 500 extremely hot, busty women. What have Rick Figueroa and James Dickey ever done to promote boobyliciousness, bikini contests and wet t-shirt contests? I am for having bikini contests at the Alamo every 4th of July. Case closed.

Sincerely,

Robert Morrow

Honey, he had me at “Impeach Trump.”

I love yew, Texas.

 

Phil Stephenson from Texas

April 27, 2017 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

The Dallas Morning News has a story about Texas Republican State Representative Phil Stephenson from District 85.  If I were to get up from my patio chair and walk to the end of my street and take 5 more steps, I would be in District 85.

Phil is 72 years old, which ain’t all that old by my standard but Lord Almighty, Phil’s lived 72 hard years.  I’m not saying that his gears are slipping, but … oh hell, that’s exactly what I’m saying. Phil is crotchety old.

Every legislative session, we get more proof that Phil needs to do whittling instead of legislating. Everybody keeps their fingers crossed that he doesn’t show up to legislate without his pants on.

Here’s what Phil has done now.

Twice, not once but twice in this session, he tried to name a highway after a state trooper who was killed in 1992 but instead named it after his murderer.

Twice.

He tried to blame it on someone else, but he refused to let that someone else speak to the press about it.  The bottom line is that Phil’s name is on the bill and if you put your name on something, it’s yours. You learn that in the first grade.

Here’s how it broke down: The first time he got the location of the highway wrong along with using the name of the murderer as the honoree.  So, he corrected that.  Second bill named the right highway, but still insisted on naming that highway after a man who murderer a state trooper.

The second bill was filed on the last day of filing so it couldn’t be withdrawn.  It was now public record, forever.

He had to get four-fifths of the Texas House of Representatives to vote to allow him to withdraw the bill.  He stood in front of them all and said, “I screwed up.”

They let him off the hook this time, but – and I can’t prove this for a fact but I did hear it – he had to promise to remember to wear his pants on the house floor.

Thanks to Bubba for the heads up.

They’re In Your Pants Again

February 05, 2017 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

One of the best things that ever happened to me is when my friend Vickie learned to use a camera phone.

Vickie is uncomfortable unless there’s wheels turning under her. She goes everywhere and does everything. She also has a good eye for things I like.

Example.  Texas Highway 21 in Bastrop County near Paige.

 

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Dear Atheists, Abortionists, and Homosexuals,

You’re very welcome.

Love and Fried Okra,
Juanita Jean Herownself

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And I think it’s real nice that they left this one up because Now More Than Ever!

 

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Thank you, Vickie!

Texas, I Love Yew: First Best Texas Breaking News of 2017

January 01, 2017 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

So, I took a break from taking down the Christmas decorations and this comes to my mailbox …

Mando is a ten year veteran of the Texas House and is also a firefighter and paramedic.

He’s in stable condition and is texting people.  That’s a hard-headed man, Honey.

Get well soon, Mando.