Holy Crap: Trump and the Witch Doctors

July 13, 2017 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

When this happened, it creeped me out.

 

 

But then this happened and it scared the crap outta me.

 

 

This is a mess of teevee preachers and evangelicals doing a “laying on of hands” in the damn oval office while they prayed for Trump.  At first I though maybe it was to remove the curse of that orb thing.

However, Thelma tells me that she has inside information that she got over at the Greater Hope and Utopia Southern Baptist Church and Missionary Training Center.  You know how Trump keeps saying this is a witch hunt?  Well, these are Mike Pence’s witch doctors.

Seriously, y’all, they should have done something with that hair while they were there.

 

If You Voted for Donald Trump…

June 30, 2017 By: El Jefe Category: Flamethrower, Holy Crap

If you voted for Donald Trump, read this; then find one of these in your house:

Then, look long and hard. YOUR guy is the problem.  YOUR guy is the “fake”.  YOUR guy is a disgusting misogynist pig who incites the worst behaviors in his supporters, embarrasses us daily on the world stage, is weirdly obsessed with himself, women’s appearance, and blood.  YOUR guy has singlehandedly turned the entire US government into a circus.

THIS is YOUR fault.  You can blame no one else.  Own it.

Remember Jim Bakker?

June 05, 2017 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Surely you haven’t forgotten about Jim and Tammy Faye Bakker even though you tried like hell to.

Jim’s back.  He’s preaching.  Of damn course.

And there’s people who listen and give him money. Of damn course.

Now this is a little difficult to follow and even harder to believe.  So here I go.

First off, he says the recent terror attacks and Trump’s trip to Israel were the result of the closing of the Ringling Brothers Circus.  Apparently, that’s all about the elephants.

Now wait, it makes sense somewhere.

Bakker blamed the Ringling Brothers closure on a nonexistent national law banning elephants from the circus—while a few cities have barred circus workers from using bullhooks, there is no national law against performing elephants—which he contrasted with the legalization of abortion.

Bakker says it clear as day.  The circus was closed because of elephants and elephants are the symbol of the Republican Party.  God sent a coded message that Trump (the Republican Party) is going to be shut down.

Now see, I think the message is – the circus is over because you elected the damn clown.

Bakker doesn’t see it that way.

“Revelation is now, people,” Bakker continued. “Here’s what God spoke to me: The circus is over. Life as we know it, unless we turn back to God, it’s not going to be fun anymore.”

Really?  Honey, life as I’ve known it since January is not fun at all.

Thanks to Carl for the heads up.

Because It’s Aladamnbama, Where They Have Weaponized Jesus

April 13, 2017 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Holy crap.

The Alabama Senate has voted to allow a church to form its own police force.

Lawmakers on Tuesday voted 24-4 to allow Briarwood Presbyterian Church in Birmingham to establish a law enforcement department.

The church says it needs its own police officers to keep its school as well as its more than 4,000 person congregation safe.

The Presbyterians need their own police?  The regular police force doesn’t have enough Tasers for Jesus?

Briarwood Presbyterian Church describes themselves in their mission statement —“For God’s glory, we are committed to equipping Christians to worship God and to reach Birmingham to reach the world for Christ.”

I wonder how excited they are going to be when the mosque forms a police force.

I bet that idea was too big to fit in any of the small minds in the Alabama legislature.

Thanks to AlanInAustin and Ralph for the heads up.

Important Stuff You’ve Been Missing Because … Well, Trump.

January 31, 2017 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

First off, another preacher got caught doing the sacrament boogie.  Florida.

A well-known Tallahassee pastor was forced to flee naked after a husband came home early and found him having sex with the man’s wife.

So, here’s the minister hiding nakkid in the bushes, which probably made it a little easier for God to recognize him, while the police try to talk the woman’s husband out of shooting him dead.

The wife says they’ve been in “a relationship” since last October. Here’s my favorite part, the preacher was fixing to release his new book this week.  Its title is “I Need a Man.”  He says the book “offers a fresh perspective on the issues of godly manhood and mentoring.”  Fresh? I suspect so.

Then in Georgia, a Republican state legislator … well, got lost.

A Georgia lawmaker is recovering from a gunshot wound after he says he was shot behind an adult entertainment store while traveling with several thousand dollars in donations for storm relief efforts.

[State Representative Gerald] Greene told WRBL-TV of Columbus he was in a parking lot behind Foxes Cinema, an adult entertainment store, when he was shot.

They haven’t figured out why he had cash that he says was from the Red Cross.  He claims the robber didn’t get the cash.

So you gotta wonder what the robber was after – Green’s state representative parking permit?

So if Donald Trump would quit hogging the news, we could get more important stories like these from our friend Carl.

Thanks to Carl for the heads up.