Stuff You Probably Need to Know

February 12, 2018 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Uh, y’all, when things get bad, the religious zealots get … well, freekin’ nuts.

While commenting on President Donald Trump’s very public support for Christianity, as well as the frequent Bible studies and prayer gatherings held at the White House, evangelical Pastor Paul Begley said first lady Melania Trump demanded that the White House be spiritually cleansed and that pagan, demonic items and artificats from the Obama and Clinton years be removed.

Yeah, see, the story goes that during the five hours between the time the Obamas left and Trump moved in, Melania had the White House exorcized of evil.

“… all kinds of idol gods and images and all kinds of artifacts in there that were demonic, even some of the stuff from the Clinton era because they were really tied in with the Haitians.”

Look, I’m not saying that the exorcism didn’t work and that it, in fact, got worse, but how the hell else are you going to explain these Trump Christmas decorations?



Y’all, that’s some devil stuff.  If I see that stuff, I am running the other way.

The article also says that Melania is a Catholic and Trump says he’s a Presbyterian.  Hell, Trump can’t even spell Presbyterian.


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22 Comments to “Stuff You Probably Need to Know”

  1. And yet their son-in-law owns a property at 666 5th Avenue. And they don’t expend any religious hysteria on that.

    You can’t even see the giant pile of hooey, because it’s covered with drifts of twaddle, and obscured by clouds of malarkey.

  2. “Therefore at that time, when all the peoples heard the sound of the horn, flute, lyre, trigon, psaltery, bagpipe and all kinds of music, all the peoples, nations and men of every language fell down and worshiped the golden image that Nebuchadnezzar the king had set up.”

    I’ve seen a picture of Trump’s home in New York. If you took out the golden images, it’d be empty.

  3. Maybe the dotard can look up “Presbyterian” in his copy of Two Corinthians.

  4. Can’t spell Presbyterian? To quote a sports writer from years gone by talking about a football player: ” He cant spell cat even if you spot him the C and the A.”

  5. Donnie can’t spell “authoritarian” either. But that doesn’t stop him from aspiring to the lifestyle.

  6. Yeah, they had to make room for the golden calf.

  7. So George, the compassionate conservative, left all those idol gods and images in the White house the 8 years he was there after Clinton ? Good to know.

    They do realize that lying is forbidden by the 10 commandments, right?

  8. Well that explains the flashing red lights at the White House and Covfefe is the name of the Voodoo High Priestess who did the exorcism.
    Though Trump has his own style of exorcism as her cleansing was really about getting all the Donalds pee and Russian prostitute stains off all the White House beds which is why Melania only sleeps in the Study.

  9. That Other Jean says:

    Trump Christmas decorations? It’s a Christina Rossetti tribute:

    “In the deep midwinter,
    Frosty wind made moan. . .”

    Either that, or some interior decorator was trolling them, hard.

  10. It’s a sad state of affairs when I can’t tell satire from reality. At all. I’m assuming this isn’t really true, but even the most outlandish things turn out to be real, these days. So who knows.

  11. Satire? I couldn’t get past “President Donald Trump’s very public support for Christianity”.

    Hell, I couldn’t get past “President Donald Trump,” which HAS to be a nightmare I still need to wake up from.

  12. Marjorie Wood says:

    Trump can say what he likes but the Presbyterians said he’s not a Presbyterian, they aren’t claiming him. And if Melania had it exorcised, now that’s a thought. Maybe they missed a couple of demons and that’s what’s going on at the White House. I say we exorcise it again if they ever move out.

  13. Frank McCormick says:

    Given the source, I give this story absolutely no credence. I don’t believe for one moment Melania asked for any such thing, at least not from an American Evangelical. I would put more credence in an Eastern Rite priest performing a blessing than a pentecostal exorcism.

  14. That exorcism must have been a failure ’cause I saw that she-devil Kellyanne Conway being interviewed on TV yesterday (I think that she now has a basement WH office…). KC looked about as nasty as usual, but seemed to be talking at half her normal speed, which means at a normal pace for everyone else.

  15. “President Trump, can you spell Presbyterian?” “Sure!” “M.U.L.L.I.G.A.N.”

  16. Every time I see that picture I think of Ghostbusters 2 when Dan Ackroyd delivers the line “My best to the coven” to a customer in his store. Mustabeen Melania out shopping.

  17. elise from CA says:

    Well, OK so let’s say it was pristine after all the exorcisms but now that the dumpsters have been squatters for over a year, who amongst us would want to go in with a black light now??

    That’s a truly scary thought.

  18. yet another baby boomer says:

    The whole thing had me laughing but my favorite was the typo of “artificats”. Some kind of new breed of felines that aren’t quite real? A demon kitty? Well, as Sandridge pointed out Conway’s still there so obviously it was an exorcism fail.

  19. “frequent Bible studies and prayer gatherings held at the White House”

    Sure. But does anyone claim that Trump participates in said activities?

    Frequent basketball games were held at my college. That doesn’t make me a basketball player.

  20. Tilphousia says:

    If evangelicals are warning about golden idols, Donnie needs to get a new potty seat. Those phony Christians screech about evil. If they want to see real evil most only need to look in a mirror.

  21. Speaking of typos, this one is sublime.

  22.   While the church was Congregationalist in spirit, it was in reality a Presbyterian church in doctrine.   In fact, more Presbyterian ministers were  pastors there than Congregationalist pastors.


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