Please Visit Our Customer Service Department With Your Complaint

December 31, 2015 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Okay, so Donald trump ain’t scared of no global warming or climate change.

But what is he scared of?

Taking away his hairspray!  His hairspray!

“You can’t use hair spray because hair spray is going to affect the ozone,” Trump said, speaking at a rally in Hilton Head Island, South Carolina.

“Let’s see, I’m in my room in New York City and I want to put on a little spray, right? Right?” he continued as the crowd laughed in approval. “But I hear where they don’t want me to use hair spray. They want me to use the pump!”

Trump acted out using a pump. He said “bing, bing, bing” as he got the imaginary lotion out.

“And then it comes out in big globs, right, and it’s stuck in your hair. And you say, ‘Oh, my God, I got to take a shower again, my hair’s all screwed up.’ Right?” Trump asked. “I want to use hair spray. They say, ‘Don’t use hair spray, it’s bad for the ozone.'”

He continued: “So I’m sitting in this concealed apartment, this concealed — I really do live in a very nice apartment, right? — but it’s sealed! It’s beautiful. I don’t think anything gets out. And I’m not supposed to be using hair spray.”

I did not make that up.  He’s an angry man about hairspray.

Wait a second.  Donald Trump has hair?

Thanks to Brian for the heads up.

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23 Comments to “Please Visit Our Customer Service Department With Your Complaint”


  1. JAKvirginia says:

    OMG! Spraying that stuff on that poor animal on his head. That’s cruel! .

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  2. This is just flat-out hilarious!

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  3. JAKvirginia says:

    BTW: Donald? Your apartment isn’t sealed. Proof? You got out.

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  4. Polite Kool Marxist says:

    There’s your opening, Jebya. Now go after Little Miss Clairol. Sic ’em, Jeb!

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  5. From a man who does not know what “Triad” is . . . he also does not know what a hair product pump bottle is. D.U.M.B.

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  6. John Peter Henson says:

    With the apparent amount he uses….maybe he should get a pump up garden sprayer……

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  7. I always figured he just applied fertilizer.

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  8. Lorraine in Spring says:

    The Trump thinks he knows more about hair spray than our own beloved Miss JuanitaJeanHerOwnSelf?

    Let’s invite him down for a hair lesson. Thelma will keep the local Teapublican riff raff out and man the fire extinguisher when JJ tries to use the curling iron him.

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  9. As democracy is perfected, the office of president represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people. On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart’s desire at last and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron. — H.L. Mencken 1920

    I thought we’d hit that with Warren Harding, and then Reagan, and Dubya, but this could be the topper, folks.

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  10. e platypus onion says:

    Fluorocarbons used as a propellant in aerosol hairsprays is what is murder on the ozone. There are no fluorocarbons found naturally in nature. Trump is just another dumb sumbitch who knows nothing about what he speaks. Which is a good reason for dumb sumbitch wingnuts to vote for him.

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  11. e platypus onion says:

    I doubt-at least I hope Ms Juanita Jean Herownself doesn’t do dead animal pelts in her salon. How unsightly and unseemly and just plain Trump gross!

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  12. Marge Wood says:

    I don’t think Trump cares about anything/one but himself. Never mind that his kid is going to have to deal with climate change. I’m less worried about a bit of hair spray than I am about Trump’s overall policy plans.

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  13. “My hair is all screwed up!” That’s the very least of what is screwed up about the Dump. He is the quintessential Ugly American, and it doesn’t have a thing to do with his appearance.

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  14. BraxtonBraggart says:

    “You can’t use hair spray because hair spray is going to affect the ozone,” Trump said, speaking at a rally in Hilton Head Island, South Carolina.

    Aerosols? Ozone layer? Did he just arrive from the 1990s in a time machine?

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  15. Bitter Scribe says:

    Chlorofluorocarbons (CFCs) were phased out of virtually all aerosols more than 20 years ago. That was done through an international agreement (the Montreal Protocol), and it accomplished its goal, reversing the breach of the ozone layer.

    Yes, international agreements can save the environment, which is why the Paris Accords are so important.

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  16. I was going to post something very similar to the writing of Bitter Scribe. The only aerosols to continue to use CFCs (and they were phased out over time) were asthma inhalers. What a maroon, as Bugs Bunny used to say.

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  17. I’m guessing he has a warehouse full of AquaNet that he stockpiled when they started phasing out CFCs.

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  18. Donnies follicles. Because you know He’s all about that base,
    ‘Bout that bass a’bout that bass, no treble.
    It’s all about my hair, not our troubles, the base.

    Rutgerp251 over at instructables.com offers suggestions to clean your mount (?) and the products to use,when you need to “Bring life back to your taxidermy mount”. NO, this isn’t about Voodoo and unnatural stuff, like a battery and jumper cables in the dead of night.

    Rutger, uses a Rag, Q-tips, Glass Cleaner, WD-40, Furniture Polish, Petroleum Jelly. Mr. tRump, you can use the Q-tips to clean out your ears, so you can hear how the rest of America feels about you, not just the base. The glass cleaner should be used to clean those rose colored glasses you see America through, not the 1930 American the base wants. The WD can be used to fix that whine the rest of US hear when you tell us how great you are and how terrible America is.
    Note to Momma, you might want to make a cup of tea, and skip to the next post. The furniture polish can be used to polish that turd that you have promised the base. As for the petroleum jelly I hope you use it when you screw the rest of America. Because you know He’s all about that base, ‘Bout that base, ’bout that bass, no treble. Good luck with that hair thingy. Maybe you might what to think about other people problems for awhile, I suggest you start here. http://9gag.com/gag/avLv6Md/woman-accidentally-used-construction-foam-instead-of-hairspray

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  19. His apartment can’t be that sealed, he hasn’t asphyxiated yet on all that hair spray he uses.

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  20. Elizabeth Moon says:

    Trump’s such a sissypants. Having a hissy fit about hair spray, and low-flow toilets, and showers not being perfect for him. You’d think he was a spoiled 16yo female. (Note the “spoiled”–many 16 yo females are far tougher and more resilient than he is.)

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  21. All it would take would be one lighted candle held up to Der Donald in worshipful adoration. The thing on his head would be ashes.

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  22. WakeUpAmerica says:

    The rabid badger on his head is one of God’s creatures too, ya know! It deserves some respect.

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  23. Lunargent says:

    CFL’s aside, that spray itself is pretty awful – it will set off my asthma.

    30 years or so of Donnie inhaling those fumes would explain a lot. Maybe even why he’s using 25-year-old, obsolete info to gin up his know-nothing base. Which will doubtless work just fine (sigh).

    Maybe he thinks spraying his own hair gives him a common link with Everyman, instead of having his stylist/animal trainer do it.

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