Obama’s Still Comin’!

December 05, 2016 By: Juanita Jean Herownself

Y’all, Texas Governor Greg Abbott does not think you are terrified enough about Obama coming for your guns!

Here’s the whole scare-people-for-money email, but here’s the Reader’s Digest edition:

abbott_greg_jpg_800x1000_q100President Barack Obama is FURIOUS.

On January 20, he’s going to hand over the reins of our federal government to Donald Trump – a man he clearly despises.

But with nothing left to lose, I’m afraid President Obama is going to spend the final weeks of his administration looking for every opportunity to go around Congress and destroy our Second Amendment freedoms!

As your Governor, I’m committed to doing everything I can to protect our gun rights – both in this upcoming session of the Texas Legislature and by taking every legal action possible to stop Washington, D.C.’s assaults.

Yeah, that dude is going door-to-door to get your guns.  I mean, he doesn’t have a lot of time to cover the whole country so he’ll probably just sneak in, shoot you, and then make off with your guns.  Or give them to gay people wanting abortions while burning the flag.

Also, Texas law says you can’t give the Governor campaign contributions while the legislature is in session so you better hurry up because after December 10th, you can’t give Greg Abbott money to fight Obama until like … I dunno, this summer, and by then all the damn guns will be in the hands of illegal aliens who want to vote.


The best part?  He whines that the Supreme Court is “deadlocked.” Now, whose fault is that?


Head, Meet Desk

December 05, 2016 By: Juanita Jean Herownself

Y’all, Eric Trump.  Imagine if one of the Obama girls had something this butt ignorant.



The boy ain’t the brightest light on the Christmas tree.


Well, They Can Mess Up a Two Car Parade

December 05, 2016 By: Juanita Jean Herownself

Okay, so here’s the deal.



Chris Barker, 37, Imperial Wizard of the Loyal White Nights in North Carolina, decided that the Ku Klux Klan needed to hold a parade the celebrate the victory of Brother Donald Trump.

Their plan was to hold the parade in cars because it was way too cold to walk.  The parade and rally was scheduled at 9:00 am in Pelham, North Carolina.  Then the night before the parade, it was moved to Foxboro at 3:00 pm.  Apparently Klan members are a tad sketchy on communication because not everybody got the news.

But, that wasn’t the biggest problem.

The biggest problem, I mean outside the fact that it’s, you know, the Klan, is that Baker and his buddy William Hagen got into an argument with Klan Brother Richard Dillon while at Baker’s house the night before the parade at their planning session.

Well, argument is a weak word.  They stabbed Dillon in the chest and dumped him in the lobby of some office building.



Hagen probably got the worst end of this deal because he was arrested that night and did look a tad worse for the wear.

Dillon survived and called for an ambulance the police.  I dunno, from the looks of things, he put up a helluva fight.

By the way, they were going to burn a cross, too.  Barker’s wife was in charge of that:

They were scheduled to hold an evening awards ceremony and a cross burning – if the wind died down, said Mrs Barker, known as the Grand Kommander.

So, to wrap things up, here’s your two car parade, two Klansmen in jail for attempted murder, and one in the hospital.



Well done, guys.  It’s going about a as well as Donald Trump’s cabinet picks.

On the upside:  North Carolina Governor Pat McCrory has finally conceded the race to his Democratic opponent.  However, I do wonder if McCrory knifed anybody last night.


Oh Fer Christ Sake

December 05, 2016 By: Juanita Jean Herownself

So at 10:00 last night I get a Facebook alert from a distant ex-family member who, even though we rarely speak, was afraid that I was going to die and “the government” doesn’t want to warn me.  Thanks, Obama.



Click here to view full sized.

Yeah, this is a 15 year old phony.

Yeah, we can’t give the terrorists any ideas.  You know, because we don’t have a damn idea to give.

By the way, Glen Eagles Hospital is in Kuala Lumpur.


Foreign Correspondant Barb

December 05, 2016 By: Juanita Jean Herownself

I set about writing about the frightening event in Washington, DeeCee, involving fake news, a gun, pizza, a crazy dude, and totally innocent people.  

Honestly, I didn’t even know where to start. 

But Barb came to the rescue.  For many years Barb has been our foreign correspondent in The Washington place because she lives in the heart of the city.  She sent me this last night and gave me permission to share it with you.    



I don’t know how much you’ve heard or been paying attention to this awful bit of fallout from the campaign; but, I thought you might be a little bit interested.

Somehow, for some unknown reason, some alt-right website decided that Hillary and John Podesta were running a pedophile ring out of a neighborhood pizza restaurant. I’m not at all sure that either of them has ever even been to this place. It certainly isn’t easily accessed by HRC’s house in DC. Here’s some background:



And this was today’s result.



I have NO IDEA how to counteract any of this. I just hope a lawsuit will be filed immediately and the same thing that happened to Gawker will happen to these bozos. Except, I hope somebody besides this fool also goes to jail. We are certainly living in interesting times. Poor us.

This isn’t Texas, but, GEEZ!

(As an aside, that 1950s “Comet” sign hung on a liquor store just down the street from me for, like, forever. The couple that bought the store from the previous owners were a fixture here until the old man died suddenly and his elderly wife wasn’t able to keep the store going by herself. Their children were all well educated and had lives and careers elsewhere (although one of them died of AIDS in Florida). So, they closed the liquor store and the folks who were going to open up a restaurant a few miles up on Connecticut Avenue bought the sign and immediately had a name for the new place. The initial controversy was that they put ping-pong tables on the the sidewalk out in front and people were concerned about balls landing in traffic. The tables were moved inside. During this incident today, the businesses on both sides of the place were locked down, too, including the bookstore “Politics and Prose” which is where everybody wants to have a reading/signing session. Every journalist you’ve ever heard of who has published a book has been there. I could go on, but you get the drift.)

You can use this if you want; but, I thought you’d want to know about the latest scourge that has descended on us all since Dat Guy got elected. I’m just praying for “faithless” electors at this point.


Thanks, Barbara.  

We Found It! The Secret to the Look of Cheeto Jesus!

December 04, 2016 By: El Jefe

Here it is, exclusive to those wanting to emulate the provenance of Cheeto Jesus, his own personal bronzer.  No, really.  Check it out.