You’re gonna love this, mainly because it explains so much.
Ever wondering why Donald Trump isn’t doing any better in the polls? Because he spent all his damn money on hats, that’s why.
According to the Federal Election Commission filings, Donald Trump’s presidential campaign has spent $1.8 million on polling from June 2015 through September of this year (the most recent month for which data are available). The report also lists $3.2 million spent on hats.
Ever the huckster, Donald saw more value in hats than in polling or ads or hiring a damn speechwriter for his wife.
So the biggest winner in this presidential election is the place in China where they make those hats. Anybody want to place a bet that someone in the Trump family is making money off of them? Of damn course they are.
Political Jesus Frontman Pat Robertson has made an announcement:
Old Doofus was talking about the virtues of beating children until they love Jesus, when another shiny object caught his eye and he wandered off …
“And while we’re on the subject of beating,” Robertson continued shamelessly, “I was thinking that that might not be such a bad punishment for married women who are thinking about voting for Hillary Clinton in November’s election. But, then again, it’s probably a little harsh to beat on your wife just because she has no idea who it is God wants to be president. Okay, here’s a compromise: non-Christian wives should get a beating from their husbands, and Christian wives should have their husbands boycott intercourse until they change their mind. How’s that?”
A sigh of relief was heard all over the country from women looking over at Jim Bob sitting on the couch in his underwear swaddled in potato chip droppings and belching beer fumes, with that look in his eye that says, “Let’s get frisky during halftime, Woman.”
Thanks to Pat Robertson, Woman is gonna go get herself a damn nap and some peace.
Thanks to everybody for the heads up.
UPDATE: I got snookered! This was a satire site. I apologize for being a doofus, too.
This is what it’s come to.
Five Republicans running for re-election are threatening to sue teevee stations for running ads from the DCCC saying they support Trump.
Reps. Bob Dold (R-Ill.), Mike Coffman (R-Colo.), David Jolly (R-Fla.), John Katko (R-N.Y.) and Brian Fitzpatrick, all say that tying them to Trump is the worst thing you can say about them and that it is not true they are tied to Trump because … well, they say they aren’t now.
Okay, here’s what I am wondering: did they speak out during Trump’s Birther movement? If not, they supported him by being quiet and reaping the rightwing benefits. Did they speak out when Trump made fun of a disabled reporter? No? Hummmm, cowards? Did they speak out when Trump bashed people from Mexico? Really? That wasn’t offensive to them? Oh Honey, I could go on and on.
You can’t eat the yummy and delicious pie without gaining the calories. But, that’s exactly what they are trying to do.
It’s too late to disassociate yourself from the weeds you carefully planted, Boys.
Thanks to SG for the heads up.
With campus open carry becoming the law in Texas, everybody has been very concerned about an uptick in campus homicides. Homicides ain’t a problem. Damn fools are the problem.
In Bryan/College Station, home of Texas A&M University, two brothers and one of their friends reported that one of them was shot by an unknown assailant as they were just walking down the street, minding their own damn business, and they didn’t even see who it was or why this person was pissed at them.
The two witnesses told police what was termed “a vague” description of what happened. “I dunno, a bullet came flying out of the air and hit my brother,” does seem a bit vague.
Both men gave the same vague account, according to the police report, and the person who was shot offered nearly the same story while being interviewed at the hospital.
Detectives said they found a bullet hole inside the apartment and evidence indicated that the men were lying about what happened.
According to the police report, Estrada eventually admitted to police that he was sitting on the bed in the bedroom playing with a gun when it went off, striking the other man in the face.
They were all charged with a Class B misdemeanor for lying to the police.
Thanks to John W for the heads up.
Log Cabin Republicans declined to endorse Donald Trump.
“But Log Cabin Republicans have long emphasized that we are not a single-issue organization, nor are our members single-issue voters,” the group said in a statement. “Even if we were, rhetoric alone regarding LGBT issues does not equate to doctrine.”
Yep, all three of the Log Cabin Republicans are not supporting Trump this year.
I do not care that they say he’s the most pro-gay GOP nominee in Republican history. First of all, that’s not a real high bar to jump, you know. And every elected Republican supporting him is viciously anti-gay.
Secondly, even though Trump has not insulted gay people, it’s just a matter of time.
Thanks to everybody for the heads up.
Get a load of this:
Thanks to Chloe Bear for the heads up.