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I know this is going to come as an enormous shock to the customers at Juanita’s Beauty Salon, but I have been tapped as the person to tell you that Glenn Beck is liar.

Juanita just can’t bring herself to say his name.  She calls him Buffalo Bob and his fans The Howdy Doodys.  “None of them will ever hurt their backs totin’ their brains,” she suspects.

It appears that Beck lied right there in front of Abe Lincoln, God, and a slew of Doodys.

During his speech, Beck claimed, “I went to the National Archives, and I held the first inaugural address written in his own hand by George Washington.”

Not so much.

It was an eyebrow-raising revelation and certainly an original image: Beck cradling the actual words of the first president. But would the persnickety gatekeepers of the nation’s historical legacy at the National Archives allow some talk show bombthrower to put his mitts on a rare (and fragile) artifact? The answer, it turns out, is no way. Beck was not telling the truth.

Good on America for not trusting Buffalo Bob with the good china, pointy scissors, or Washington’s first inaugural address.

And the Doodys will claim come hell or high water that through divine intervention, Glenn Beck truly was able to hold Washington’s inaugural address and the keys to the magic hot rod in his hands.