Oh, It Didn’t Take Long…

January 31, 2018 By: El Jefe Category: Alternative Facts, Sumbitches

You just thought that the Amtrak train carrying congressional Republicans rammed a garbage truck killing one and injuring others.  That didn’t happen at all.  What REALLY happened was that a cement truck, a big KAMIKAZE cement truck, RAMMED the train to kill Paul Ryan and others on the train.  The reliable source for this blockbuster story?  That’s right, it’s Alex Jones of sending-children-to-Mars-to-enslave-them fame.  That’s right, within a few hours of the tragic accident, Jones had determined that it was an attack on conservatives.  Jesus, this guy needs more drugs.


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17 Comments to “Oh, It Didn’t Take Long…”

  1. The real attack on conservatives? When Alex Jones takes a head filled with cement, rams it into reality, and starts talking.

  2. Alex Jones has never gotten close enough to reality to even recognize it.

  3. oldymoldy says:

    So now there’s a conspiracy of left leaning concrete truck driving terrorists? Puuleeeeease!

  4. This is kinda disappointin. I mean I realize that journalism at the level of Infowars is really competitive. Being the first with the scoop is gotta be nerve wracking and all. But still, the mundane nature of this story is totally out of character for Alex Jones. I would’ve at least expected zombies, mutants, or Hillary. Maybe Obama’s muslim jackbooted goon squad will make an appearance on tomorrow’s installment. Desperately trying to figure out the logistics of transporting their victims without the coolers on Air Force One.

  5. RepubAnon says:

    If the best the deep state has is suicide dump truck drivers, why worry about them?

    The sad thing is that ridiculous stories such as this one just make InfoWars more popular – keep feeding people conspiracy theories, even silly ones, and eventually they lose the capacity for rational thought.

    Perhaps we should tell Alex Jones that the Illuminati Trilogy is a historical novel…he can start talking about the Lake Totenkopf Monster.

  6. slipstream says:

    Well, the guy driving the garbage truck once got his hair cut by a guy named Alfred, whose third cousin (on his mother’s side) Gloria when she was young was in a fourth grade class with a kid named Franky, and Franky’s brother vote for Obama.

    So there you have it. Incontrovertible chain of evidence.

    Hillary orchestrated the attack on that train.

  7. Cato the Censor says:

    I know it won’t happen, but even by Texas standards, Alex Jones belongs in an insane asylum. He lives to work himself into a raving, screaming fit and always about complete paranoiac nonsense. Anyone who subscribes to his views is guilty of following a crazy man (never a good plan). The real tragedy is that there are so many of them.

  8. As Drumpf would tweet, “There is no collision, there is no collision.”

  9. That Other Jean says:

    I’m in full agreement with Debbo and Cato the Censor.

  10. slipstream says:

    Viewers for Clinton’s first SOTU (1994): 45.8 million.

    Viewers for W’s first SOTU (2002): 52 million.

    Viewers for Obama’s first SOTU (2010): 48 million.

    Viewers for Trump’s first SOTU: 45.6 million.



  11. So why exactly were these repubs going to a retreat mid week? Is there no business needing to be done in DC? Everything is hunky dory? Could the Dems not stage a takeover in the repubs absence? Why were the repubs families also going to this retreat? Who is paying for this?

  12. Tilphousia says:

    Where did I put my tinfoil hat? Poor Alex. He tripped over a single tiny truth once, was so scared he ran away and now splerts out very strange words, phrases and an occasional sentence. A hundred Pinocchios for you, Alex, and that’s just one days worth. Maybe he’s in a lie contest with traitor trump.

  13. linda phipps says:

    Actually I am saving my cement truck for Jones himself.

  14. Charles R Phillips says:

    With all the ‘roid rage Mr. Jones exhibits, his testes must be the size of peas.

    Small peas.

  15. WA Skeptic says:

    The more I hear about this Jones guy the more I wonder why his wife didn’t divorce him sooner. He should be kept under chemical and physical restraints, far far away from an open mic.

  16. gabberflasted says:

    i’m thinking Alex gargles with Tidy Bowl. And sneezed once while doing so. Something ate his brain!

  17. There is not enough evil in all of human existence for Alex Jones to get what he deserves.


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