“Not the Briar Patch,” Says Br’er Rabbit, “Anything But The Briar Patch!”

April 30, 2010 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized


“He’s got a good reputation for cussedness,” Juanita starts this morning.

That can only mean one thing:  Tom DeLay is back in the news.

The Texas Court of Criminal Appeals, which is very white and very Republican ruled unanimously 9 – 0 that Tom DeLay is wrong, wrong, wrong that the Texas Election Code is unconstitutional.

“Ole Tom’s brought in a dry hole,” Juanita announces.

“He’s a day late and dollar short,” Thelma joins in.  “He took it on the chin.  He finished out of the money.  He got a chamberpot instead of a jackpot.  He had more losses than a swarm of grasshoppers in a chicken pen.  He came up with the short straw.  He suckin’ the hind teat.  He’s got a hole in the victory sack.  He got caught nappin’.  He …..”

Thelma gets carried away some time.

Tom’s former aides were unsuccessful in keeping their hands clean around Tom and they were equally unsuccessful in an argument to the Appeals Court that they didn’t do diddle squat wrong because the law they broke is unfair … and mean … and only for sissy girls and Democrats …  and they don’t own a dog.

Tom’s writ twit, Dick DeGuerin, said that unless one of the other lawyers files additional appeals, he’s rared-up and ready to take this sucker to trial.

“Well, I imagine so,” Juanita suggests, “what with all that money that Tom made on ‘Dancing With The Stars and An Occasional Crook’ just sitting there not in DeGuerin’s pocket yet.”

DeGuerin added

“It means we’re finally going to get the trial we’ve been waiting for for five years,” DeGuerin said.

“I just love it when lawyers talk dirty,” Juanita grins. “That guy is as nervy as a 400 pound cat bugler.  Trust me on this:  Tom’s lawyer would rather get a good case of malaria than go to trial.  Every law book in the nation says for lawyers to pray for postponements until (1) all the witnesses die, or (2) they change the law.  Five years of lawyer play is plenty enough in Texas.”

“There will be more writ wrangling.  They will be eating fire and spittin’ smoke in the media,” she predicts.  “But in private, they are hearing footsteps.  It’s getting white knuckle time.”

“Of course, when all the news is bad news for Tom, I’m in a rare pleasant mood,” she admits.

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