Louie Has This Sex Thing Figured Out

July 29, 2015 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

California has earthquakes and wildfires.  Texas has Louie Gohmert.  California does not want to trade.

Louie offered proof today that he understands the basics of reproduction.

He wants to take four opposite sex couples, four male couples, and four female couples.  He wants to deposit them on three different deserted islands with all they need to sustain life.  Then he says —

let’s come back in 100 to 200 years and see which one nature says is the preferred marriage. Which one still is doing great and doing well. And I think we’ll have our answer.

cd-1_gohmert_louieYou don’t need to actually do this.  I can tell you what will happen.

On the opposite sex island, one of the men will be Newt Gingrich.  He will need to marry all four of the women to prove his commitment to marriage.  Therefore, he will have to indict and convict the other three men.

The offspring of Newt’s first marriage will be hated by Newt’s second wife so they will swim over to the lesbian island and become famous baseball players.  Newt’s second wife’s children will hang around.  The third wife’s kids will go to the gay island and learn to be world famous Broadway producers and invent a cure for cancer in their spare time.

The children of Newt’s second marriage will inbreed with the children from his fourth marriage and become the Republican congress.

I told you this would not end well, Louie, you bastard inbreed child of Newt Gingrich.

Thanks to Kyle for the heads up.

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0 Comments to “Louie Has This Sex Thing Figured Out”


  1. I blanched at the headline, JJ. That man and sex and two concepts that should not be within at least 500 yards of each other. (I couldn’t use his name or they would be.)

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  2. John Peter Henson says:

    Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha….

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  3. My dad always said that if you knew how sausage was made you would never eat any. I don’t want to know about Gnewtie or Ghomert having sex with each other, women, livestock, tree trunks, cardboard boxes or any other sechsual aid.

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  4. Even if there was any reason at all to consider this, a gene pool of 8 people would pretty much collapse in 100 years.

    In fact there was a Star Trek based on two colonies that were insufficient gene pools for their isolation and one of them resorted to cloning. So if you have everything needed to sustain life, I reckon that would include cloning technology for this ridiculous non-thought experiment.

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  5. Better yet, let’s put four Republicans on one island and four Democrats on the other. In far less than 100 years the Repubs will have gone Lord of the Flies and eaten each other. The Dems will have formed a government and built something.

    On a different note, re the lion-killer dentist noted earlier, I wanted to post this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bOtMizMQ6oM

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  6. LynnN, I think getting Democrats to agree on most things is like herding cats, so I’m not sure about their having formed a government or built anything, but the GOP Lord of the Flies scenario sounds extremely likely.

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  7. I can’t stop laughing; you should hang out with your mamma more often.

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  8. Can we designate Louie to be in one of the male couples? We could pair him with Mike Huckabee, and then forget where the island was that we sent them to.

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  9. Wa Skeptic says:

    I kind of missed hearing from Dummy Gohmert; so glad to hear his Stupid Meter is still in high gear.

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  10. JAKvirginia says:

    “Preferred marriage”? Preferred for what? Procreation? So to Louie that’s all it’s about? Louie still needs more sex ed. Marriage isn’t necessary for making babies. Unless I’m wrong, Adam and Eve weren’t married.

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  11. I would laugh at his innate stupidity except he is a rePUKEian candidate!!!! With even dumber people voting for him.

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  12. “…let’s …see which one nature says is the preferred marriage.”

    Uh, Louie. You’re talking nature and procreative sex. What does marriage have to do with it?

    More likely to happen is they get all pissed off living on an island in the middle of nowhere, realize there is no merciful god, and abandon all religion.

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  13. Hollyanna says:

    The stupid runs strong and deep in this one. Texas has my deepest sympathy.

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  14. JJ, I’m with Jay on this. Thanks for a good morning laugh to start my day! Looney Louie must have spent days thinking up his idea.

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  15. Bananas says:

    Further to Star’s comment a concrete example of Louis experiment with heterosexual subjects is Pitcairn Island which was settled with 14 men and 12 women in 1789

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  16. e platypus onion says:

    The all women island would fare alright for a time. Gingrich would visit there early and often in hopes of getting some on the side and then he would be back after any daughters he may have sired as soon as they are out of knickers.

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  17. Elise Von Holten says:

    You forgot TABOO or TABU….living on an island paradise was not what we think of–there were some pretty strict laws about everything…including human sacrifice And they were very warlike because of resources…so on Repuke Island, there would be no birth control, they would be overrunning the place, setting up winner take all brutal lifestyles, while the other two islands would set up baby exchanges, boys with boys and girls with girls, so they could have families, eventually allowing pan/omni sexual relationships–boy-boy, boy-girl, girl-girl, all preferences and however you mated would be your business, no one else’s–the only law was that if you went for a child with someone from the other sex islands (lesbians and gays are making theses type arrangements now) then you are Responsible for that child, with the whole islands backing. Eventually, the two islands will evlove into mixed communities where everyone is welcome. The Repugs, having destroyed their island from overpopulation and pollution will simply disappear. Saving everyone else from Newt-types, war and insanity

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  18. UmptyDump says:

    @june – No surprise there. It normally takes days for Louie to think up ANY idea. I’m guessing he wears Depends so he doesn’t embarrass himself before he finally decides to go to the bathroom.

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  19. Rhea, I stand corrected.

    The Dems would have formed a government, but they wouldn’t have built anything. They would be standing around talking about building something while hung up on what color it should be.

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  20. Wait. Since when Louie Gohmert believe in natural selection?

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  21. Who let Louie binge watch Gilligan’s Island again?
    This is what happens when he dozes off between the 4th and 5th episodes and let’s his imagination run wild.
    (yeah, yeah, and what if there was a whole island of Gingers and Mary Anns…. ummm, with maybe some girls from Baywatch…)

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  22. Corinne Sabo says:

    He has a lot more $$ than sense.

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  23. Louie, baby! As for your stand on climate change, I also have some islands for sale that you might like to own. These islands are made of Arctic ice floes. You would obviously want the biggest one. We’ll deep-six all the smaller ones around you so the view is better. We’ll even set you up with all the comforts of home so you can have R&R for six months at least. We will come back in five months and see if you — the island, that is — still exists.

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  24. Charley A. says:

    Idiotic scenario only exceeded by more idiotic responses.

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  25. Hahahahahahahaha! Hahahahahahahaha!! Hahahahahahahaha!!! Hahahahahahahahahahahah!!!! Hahahahahahahahahahahah!!!!!

    Sorry. It’s just that the image of an iceberg with Louie and other climate change deniers floating blissfully along, enveloped in their ignorance, coupled with the original post made me slightly hysterical. The preceding spit take didn’t help me either.

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