Just When You Thought It Was Safe

May 30, 2011 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized


The Texas Legislature was so heavy on Republicans this session that they could simply have their way with the State and do whatever they wanted.  Where do you let a two ton elephant sit?  Anywhere he wants to.

Apparently, what they wanted was to prove that Republicans are the largest bunch of grandstanding self-loathing spite filled Jeeeesus swearing hypocrites oozing out  of the third level of hell.

Outside of hating women, immigrants, people who don’t think guns are the coolest thing ever, schoolchildren, the maim, the sick, the elderly, propaganda that does not involve at least one nakkid ta-ta, teachers, state universities, an actual state budget, and a large assortment of consumer protections, they pretty much didn’t accomplish much at all.

Oh yeah, except for keeping texting while driving and smoking in restaurants safe.  That’s because State Senator Glenn Hegar thinks he can text and drive when everybody knows he can’t even think and talk at the same time.  And State Senator Joan Huffman loves her some smoking in all the honky tonks her husband owns.  Joan Huffman is a complete waste of estrogen.

To their credit, they pretty much overlooked gays this session.  My guess is that this was on purpose because Rick Perry wants to run for President and, well, you know the rumors.  I think they assigned one state rep to go to crazy ole Leo Berman’s office every morning to say, “Not the gays, Leo, the illegal immigrants.  That’s who’s causing all the problems.  Not gays, immigrants.  Go sic ‘um, Leo.”  Crazy Ole Leo spent the majority of the session with little spittle things forming at the edges of his mouth about those goldurn Mexicans.”

Texas education had as much chance as a steer in a packing plant this session.  The major Republican accomplishment this session was to try to find a place lower than last for Texas education.  They fearlessly went spelunking to do it.

They made a mess of state redistricting and didn’t even touch Congressional redistricting.  But, in all fairness, what’s a little thing like a state budget and redistricting when you’ve got to pass a bill giving tax breaks for yachts over $250,000?

What they did accomplish was summed up by my State Rep, Ron Reynolds —

The Legislative Budget Board, an independent non-partisan arm of the State, predicts that the proposed House budget would result in a projected job loss of 335,000 Texas jobs, including nearly 90,000 teacher jobs, and would result in 50,000 – 60,000 elderly citizens being kicked out of nursing homes. The practical reality of the House’s $8 billion cut to public education is a reduction of approximately $800 in per pupil funding, which equates to roughly a $20,000 cut to each public school classroom.

Ho boy, that is sweet music to a Republican’s ears!  They are strutting like a dog with two tails.

The Lege is almost certainly going into special session, which is like a doubleheader for political watchers.  It’s two games for the price of one.  Well, except the taxpayers of Texas will pay for the second session all because Republicans, as P J O’Rourke says, don’t believe government works and then get elected to prove it.

Governor Rick Perry will come to the Capitol to call a special session, and then go back to his $10,000 a month taxpayer funded Casa Grande and smoke some cigars.  He’ll offer no help whatsoever.  I suspect I should not complain about that.

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