I Must Be An Underachiever

November 26, 2014 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

by John A. Kwitkoski

The man pictured is Lord Christopher Monckton, a contributor of World Net Daily. He also contributes to his toilet, which is just about the same thing. He was opining about the gays:

LordChristopherMonckton“… homosexuals had an average of 500-1,000 partners in their sexually active lifetimes, and that some had as many as 20,000.” He continues with the usual inflammatory remarks about drug abuse, AIDS, etc., and ends with “… the consequently short, miserable lives and high death rate of homosexuals.”

Wow.

Now first, I’m not sure I understand how someone can have 20,000 sexual partners and a “short, miserable life”. By my figuring. if you become sexually active at 18 and partner with a different person every night, you’ll be about 73 when you hit the 20,000 mark! (And bless you heart if that happens.) So, unless you’re a lousy lover or choose lousy partners, somewhere in that 20,000 there had to be some happy time. Yes?

I’ll tell you this, I want to meet these guys! They must be sex-on-a-stick! They could be spokespersons for Viagra. Or recipients of the Cialis Lifetime Achievement Award. 20,000 is some serious sexy time!

But to be honest, this news has really depressed me. I’m 63 and by my count I’m more than 19,970 short. So if you don’t hear from me much in the future it’ll be because I’ll be busy elsewhere, if you know what I mean. According to his lordship, I have a lot of catching up to do.

Have a Happy Thanksgiving.

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28 Comments to “I Must Be An Underachiever”


  1. Don A in Pennsyltucky says:

    It’s just wrong to compare this dingwah to Kermit. What did Kermit ever do to be treated so harshly?

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  2. Marcia in CO says:

    Boy, some of these idiots have absolutely NO clue about anything!! But they do make good fodder for JJs non-blog page!!

    Have a fantastic Thanksgiving with family and friends!!

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  3. Aggieland Liz says:

    John honey where IS your imagination? Why would those ravenous libidos on legs limit themselves to ONE partner when they could have whole orgies of them??? You are obviously not in the same league with his lordship, who is buried so deeply in the closet he can’t see a glimmer of light ! And spends his time imagining other people’s orgies apparently! 😛 icky is what he is and I’m with Don, I like frogs!

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  4. I must admit, I bought this guy’s Eternity puzzle a few years back. It was bizarre with a lot of sharp edges, odd angles and attempted to be inscrutable, but was overcome by scientists with logic.

    Much like its inventor.

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  5. I’ll cover the eyes of my Kermit the Frog toy so he can’t see this. You think maybe that fancy man is deep into fantasy?

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  6. Corinne Sabo says:

    I am so far behind his numbers I will have to outlive Methuselah.

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  7. Someone said, “I wish being gay were as juicy as some people seem to think it is.”

    This clown, like so many others of his pathetic little opinion, spends waaay too much time thinking about other people’s sex lives. I sure don’t want to think about his. (Off to find the brain bleach for coming that close.)

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  8. e platypus onion says:

    Confession is good for the Seoul,huh? I can count all my conquests on one hand and still have enough fingers left to give this bird the bird a couple times with two different fingers.(That is if I don’t get to count all the near misses-like me and Shania T. She was in Canada and I was stuck in iowa. Near enough?

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  9. @John A. Kwitkoski
    Yeah I fall short by 19,990+. Always the Don Henley fan, my little bride opined that I’d just have to get over it.

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  10. Inbreeding, that’s what it is. Take a look at his pedigree and see how often first cousins married each other.

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  11. Lord Monckton seems to employ the 52 Pickup technique of news reporting. Gather all of the statistics available, then release them instantaneously into your article. Who cares if anything adds up, as long as the individual numbers serve to prove your point?

    Good Lord.

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  12. Rumor has it that Monckton’s daily toilet contributions are smarter and far more interesting than what he contributes to Wing Nut Daily.

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  13. Kermit is infinitely handsomer.

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  14. Polite Kool Marxist says:

    As if there weren’t enough Republican perverts peeking through keyholes, leave it to World Nut Daily to import a toe tapping poof from the UK.

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  15. PKM:

    Poof? Really? Was that necessary?

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  16. You owe Kermit a great big apology!

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  17. John, I believe I’d rather you keep writing and providing art work than to try to catch up with the “Fantasy 20,000.” I’m entirely too old to try to catch up now, but I know that quality beats the heck out of quantity, and I’ll always have the highly entertaining 70’s to look back on. Wow, indeed. (I wish I could remember those years more clearly.)

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  18. I’m surprised that nobody’s brought up Wilt Chamberlain in this thread… Wilt famously claimed to have hit the 20,000 mark when he was 55 – and they were all women, according to Wilt (I won’t make the obvious pun in deference to Mama.)

    One wonders how he had to have a basketball career, considering.

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  19. Not worth commenting. Everyone have a safe and happy Thanksgiving.

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  20. Right wingers just don’t get numbers at all, do they?

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  21. BraxtonBraggart says:

    His official title is 3rd Viscount Monckton of Brenchley. That sounds like something from a Monty Python skit.

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  22. I guess we give those we fear “super powers”:

    Black guys get demonic powers.

    Gay guys get unlimited sex partners.

    Miserable little chickenpoop fantasy addicts get to ruin our world.

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  23. Lord Monckton needs to give up writing commentaries and pay more attention to his day job.

    http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=9ZlBUglE6Hc

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  24. Polite Kool Marxist says:

    Mark J, yes, “poof” as in phony “royal,” although the Urban Dictionary meaning (huge fart exposed in baby powder) would work equally well for Monckton. There are other UK expressions of disdain for the ‘royalty,’ but most of them apply to historically ‘entitled’ royals and the phony “Lord” doesn’t qualify.

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  25. Elise Von Holten says:

    Not so sure, guys. When my ex and I went on a bathhouse tour (to raise money for Aids way back in the 80’s) they were throwing out those kind of numbers and talking about some fairly gnarly unsafe sexual practices and ten or more different partners a night (I know!!) So it’s possible…I know my ex, exploring his new gay lifestyle went through a tremendous number of “partners” at ten minutes a stop. He was also a drug addict and had other problems…and another friend tells the same type story before he “accepted” himself (including the drug use) and found a monogamous relationship… So although I agree this guy is slimy and nasty…I remember also Time magazine had the same numbers (1000) when the first AIDS article came out..it blew me away then, and I’m used to it now. I find it sad, mostly. Seems like a sorrowful, empty thing compared to what I have in my life now.

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  26. I understand that in Great Britain Mockton is referred to as “the potty peer.”

    Also, at one time the House of Lords posted a disclaimer on their web site stating that Mockton was not a member. (Apparently Mockton has a habit of inflating his resume, but owning an hereditary title is not enough by itself to make him eligible for Parliament.)

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  27. Gosh darn it, I’m 19,999 behind and if I get any closer my wife will be standing over my corpse with a shotgun. Didn’t Wilt Chamberlain supposedly sleep with that many?

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  28. not stupid says:

    When I look at this guy picture I would say he is a gay man that do not stop thinking about it. He does or not as not is not the problem. Think about Michelle Backmann who is not running again because of some irregularity when she ran for POTUS.
    Her husband run a clinic to change gay people to strait??????

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