Hey, Eric Cantor, Lookie Over Here. I’m Talking to You, You Twit.

August 31, 2011 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Juanita Jean Herownself is a tad hacked-off at Eric Cantor.  Well, that’s probably an understatement.  Actually, she’s so mad that if she didn’t sweat, she’d catch on fire.

With all Eric Cantor’s talk about not allowing the United States of Damn America to respond to citizens in disaster unless we first cut food to the poor or health care for little baby children, Juanita is fit to be tied.

“I just want Cantor to know that I heard rumors this morning that a hurricane might be scheming to direct itself right at my house over Labor Day weekend.   I have other plans Labor Day weekend that do not include being hunkered down in the bathtub with Jim Cantore in my front yard hollering, ‘Holy Crap!  There’s a damn cow flying by,'” she says.

Needs a good switching

“We’ve had a killer drought here with three year old catfish who haven’t learned to swim yet, and the temperature only drops below 110 degrees when you finally give up and climb into the refrigerator to sleep.  We haven’t been allowed to barbeque with an open fire in three months so we’re all in a foul mood to start with.  If a hurricane hits here we’ve got 100 year old oak and pecan trees that are so brittle they’ll snap like Legos and with the ground like concrete, there’s no place for the water to go, except, of course, my bathtub, where I’m hiding.”

She continues, “Now I’m not saying this is Eric Cantor’s fault.  I know it probably is, but I’m not saying that.  What I am saying is that if we have a disaster here, Eric Cantor better not be talking about not feeding little poor children so he can send somebody in a uniform to haul my bruised butt out from under Jim Cantore, my bathtub and a couple of trees.”

“I am a mean woman,” she reminds us. “I can walk to Virginia with Jim Cantore and an oak tree branch and switch Eric Cantor’s hiney until that little prissy sucker is begging to rebuild my house hisownself if need be.  And I’ll do it, too, because hypocrisy ought to be painful.”

Lookie here,” she says.

House Majority Leader Eric Cantor’s insistence that federal disaster aid be offset elsewhere in the budget runs directly counter to his position in the past when the money went to help his Virginia district.

In the summer of 2004, after Tropical Storm Gaston slammed into Richmond, Cantor was on the front lines of efforts to secure millions of dollars in federal assistance to clean the wreckage and repair damaged infrastructure. Although the funding was not offset, Cantor cheered its arrival.

“Now, would somebody please explain to me why 2004 Virginia butt is more important than 2011 Texas butt?  Huh, would you?”

Eric Cantor’s spokesman tried —-

Cantor spokesman Brad Dayspring said Tuesday that the nation’s’ fiscal environment was different in 2004, when the federal debt was just under $7.4 trillion – roughly half the figure today.

But budget hawks – as well as many Democrats – have charged Republicans with hypocrisy for focusing on deficit reduction now after years of deficit spending themselves. Democrats note that GOP leaders chose not to fund the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan or Medicare’s prescription drug benefit – all Bush-era programs that helped turn a projected budget surplus at the end of the Clinton administration into trillions of dollars of debt.

“And that’s why Eric Cantor needs me to go cut a switch right now and start walking to Virginia,” she stomps.

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14 Comments to “Hey, Eric Cantor, Lookie Over Here. I’m Talking to You, You Twit.”

  1. Fenway Fran says:

    Oh Juanita Jean, I love yew.

  2. I’ll go with you and when you get tired of whoopin’ his hiney, I’ll take over. I think we ought to wash his mouth out with soap, too. His mother should be so ashamed of him that she’s denying that she’s his mom.

  3. Hold up, JJ! Wait for me. I’m putting lots of batteries in my tote bag, loading the 8 G memory card in my digital camera and putting on my comfy “Grannie” walking shoes to go with you. The video will go viral if I have anything to say about it!

  4. OldMayfly says:

    How mean and greedy can the Republicans get? I was wondering that this past weekend when I saw an episode of the PBS series “Faces of America.”

    Host Henry Louis Gates, Jr. was talking with Steven Colbert about Colbert’s mother’s ancestors, who came over from Ireland during the famine. Like most non-Irish Americans I knew about the famine, but I was under the impression that there was no food in Ireland at the time. Men, women, and children were dying every day of hunger.

    Mr. Gates read ship manifests listing bacon, wheat, barley, oats, beef. etc. being shipped out of Ireland during the famine by English landowners. There were restrictions about the Irish owning land. How greedy can the greedy get? There is no limit.

    That’s why we’ve got to get these right-wingers out of office.

  5. Lorraine in Spring says:

    Once again, Juanita Jean Herownself nails it to the wall. Eric Cantor is just lucky he wasn’t in the same room when she did.

  6. aggieland liz says:

    I don’t want him switched. I want to see that slimy little traitor IN FRONT OF A FIRING SQUAD!! HE IS A TRAITOR!!!

    I’m going back outside to work now before I blow a gasket. I’ll be back later when I’m too tired to type ;-). 58 days above 100 here this summer and we are forecast for 103 today…the poor trees…

  7. I thought Jewish people were supposed to do “good deeds” but apparently Cantor ignores his religion’s teachings, just like so many of the super duper Christians now populating our country.

  8. @Oldmayfly: The Brit in charge of things didn’t want to distribute free food to the starving Irish because it would “distort” the market. That’s the “pure” capitalism the wingnuts want for us again. A pox on all their houses.

  9. I suggest that all federal spending in Eric Cantor’s district be stopped and diverted to FEMA for the aid of Americans in need. If he wants to whine, he can explain to his district how important offsets are.

  10. Kate oDubhagain says:

    Oh there was free food…a watery soup that was available from the kindly hands of the sassanach; but only if you’d renounce your Catholicism. Actually the Choctow tribe gave more money to the starving Irish than Queen (!@#&%)Victoria.

  11. OldMayfly says:

    Thanks, Kate–I had heard about the Choctow giving to the starving Irish but had forgotten.

    Here is a (more or less accurate) quote from Berger’s book, Little Big Man: “The settlers are always ragging at the Indians about how they should go to church. What the settlers don’t understand is that an Indian is always in church.”

  12. Do it, Juanita! Nobody cares if can’t sit for a week afterwards.

  13. Ellen Childress says:

    Maxine Waters said that the tea party members can go straight to hell. But I think there is a better place. I want them to remain here, alive and kicking, and living in the hell on earth they are trying to create in this country.

  14. Juanita Jean is my hero!!!!