Finders Keepers, Election Hackers Weepers

July 17, 2017 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

The damn Russians, who are reminding me daily why we haven’t liked them since WWII and we didn’t even like them much before then,  are whining that we’ve stolen their high saluting, fancy butt property.

Well, Skippy, you stole our damn election.  I figure we’re even.

Russia is pressing demands that the US give it access to two diplomatic compounds seized in the US last year.

Kremlin spokesman Dmitry Peskov said it was unacceptable to set preconditions for returning the properties. Foreign Minister Sergei Lavrov described the move as “daylight robbery”.

Oh, look the hell who’s talking about robbery.  President Obama seized your property because you declared internet war on us. Look, I’ll admit your geeks are better than our geeks, but mainly because we don’t shoot one of them every week as a warning to the other geeks who might slack off a little and, you know, sleep or eat.


I’m very sorry. … *All right*, you’re sorrier than I am, but I am as sorry as well. … I am as sorry as you are, Dmitri! Don’t say that you’re more sorry than I am, because I’m capable of being just as sorry as you are. … So we’re both sorry, all right?! … All right.

Look, we understand that both of our presidents are a horrible threat to democracy, but we can’t seize Trump Tower.  Yet.  Maybe we’ll trade you when we impeach his ample rump.


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13 Comments to “Finders Keepers, Election Hackers Weepers”

  1. JJ, I needed that to start my week.

  2. now maybe we’ll find out if the russians have anything on trump that they can use as “incentives” against him to “encourage” him to support their demands to get the property returned via “executive order”.

  3. Tilphousia says:

    Awe, poor babies. Hard to tell who whines more. Putin or the mangled apricot hellbeast. What a bunch of sissies. Hey, let’s put them together in a small windowless room, lock the door and forget where the room is.

  4. Maybe we could trade them for Crimea?

  5. And sadly, if this version of Dr. StangeTrump continues to run unabated, all we get in the end is Slim Perry, Secretary of Energy riding an A-bomb out of the hatch of a B-52 in cowboy hat & glasses, indicating all the way down his unquestioning surprise that we’ve reached this point; Whoops! Whoops! Whoops…

  6. Jane & PKM says:

    Sorry Dmitry, but even our Senate says nyet to you and Donnie. You took a serious chunk out of Ukraine and Crimea, so quit whining about a couple of estates. Oh, and don’t believe anything Donnie says; we don’t.

  7. Here’s a quid for your pro quo Herr Putin: we’ll trade you Drumpf for HR Clinton for US president, a dem senator to be named later for Mike the Dense for US VP, and Michele Obama for John Roberts as Chief of the Supremes. Oh and you chug a 44ounce polonium Big Gulp at the Moscow Sonic. Then you can have your stinking spy properties back, after we cut the dachas up and sell then for electronic waste to India.

  8. Zyxomma says:

    I STILL don’t think their geeks are better than our geeks, because I’m a nerdy girl. Sure, one of the two inventors of Google was Russian, but I think our techies are often outstanding.

    And Jane & PKM, that’s a good one.

  9. WA Skeptic says:

    Patton was right. Well, maybe not about bombing them back to the stone age, but you sure can’t trust ’em.

  10. What the bleep are the Russkies moaning about? They got off damn easy and they know it but they just gotta show off.

    Tilphousia, that was a good idea!

  11. “There’s no fighting in here. This is the War Room.” Rick: 10 years ago I was on a job, climbing over a piece of 24″ pipe and stopped to recreate that scene, thinking it was hilarious. My 20 something year old helper looked at me “uncomprehendingly like cows at a passing train”. Zyxomma: I’m just about computer illiterate. But I believe that our brainiacs are orders of magnitude better than Putin’s. We’ve just got to stop playing fair.

  12. Old Fart says:

    The most mind blowing aspect of this is that *somehow* the John Bircher types are now pro-Russia.

    And it comes down to this…

    The Russians (for the most part) are Christian (no godless Commies???) and *not brown*. Even if they made up a NRA-style organization in Russia for PR here, there is NO way you are going to see the average Muscovite doing open carry (unless they are firmly in the Putin camp). The naiveté of 45’s supporters, grounded in non-existent privilege and security they can only find within themselves, will just make our national upheaval worse (strengthening other countries?)…

  13. Malarkey says:

    “Gentlemen! You can’t fight in here! This is the war room!”