Juanita enjoys watching Republicans.  “I enjoy watching people so filled with outrage over every darn thing that they have to make appointments to find time to pray in public,” she begins.

She thinks she might enjoy voting the GOP primary this year because they have propositions on their ballot.  She is flat out shocked, shocked I tell you, that some Republican woman hasn’t pitched a fit about the use of the word “proposition” what with it being kinda sexual and all, and made them change it to “Things That Make Barack Obama Unhappy.”

You can see a sample GOP primary ballot by clicking here.  It’ll open in the pdf thingy.

They have 5 propositions.

The first one is that you have to have a picture ID to vote.  That wouldn’t be dripping with irony except that your two affirmative choices for your vote are YES and SI.  “I hope they don’t mean a driver’s license because I don’t look a thing like the picture on my driver’s license.  I just have to take the Texas Department of Transportation’s word on it that I looked like that,” Juanita frets.

“The second one is that all – and they do mean all – government spending is limited to a formula that it takes Chinese algebra to figure out.  It says that you can arrive at a number by adding inflation and population growth and dammit you can’t spend more than that.  Not even if there’s a war, which is kinda how we got here in the first place,” she rolls her eyes.  “Yeah, find something that doesn’t work, boys, and then just keep on doing it!”

“The third one is about cutting income tax,” she grins.  “You’re stingy.  We get it.”

“Then after all that stingy and mean in the first three, they decided to hurry up and say something about God.  I do not think God appreciates this as much as Republicans suspect,” Juanita affirms.  “They say we should have public acknowledgment of God and the ten commandments.  I swear they do this to hide being stingy and mean.  Our local Republicans have their Christmas party at a damn bank.  That’s just kinda weird to me.  It kinda shows who you’re worshiping.”

“And, finally,” she smiles, “the last one is sliding in on the God high.  They want to force women to have sonograms prior to abortions.  They want the government out of their wallet and into my womb.”

“To tell you the truth,” she says as she puts the finishing hair spray on Betty’s hair, “just knowing there are people out there who think those issues are the most important things in the world amused me to such an extent that it literally improves my spiritual net worth.”

Well, Juanita’s a big fan of a new PAC called Political Hatchet Job Veterans for Truth. “Bob Perry doesn’t give us any money, which is the nicest thing I can say about our PAC,” she explains.

But, Bob Perry is back in the business of trying to buy a President. Let’s see, Swift Boat Veterans for Truth, Tom DeLay’s defense fund, the Economic Freedom Fund, and just about every hateful robo call ever made was funded by Perry. He’s no kin to Rick Perry, the Governor, except that they both think God speaks to them personally and gives them permission to look down on all the rest of us.

Last week, there was a mysterious anonymous $100,000 check delivered to the Aladamnbama GOP by Minnesooota Governor and truly disturbed man, Tim Pawlenty.

And sure enough, Pawlenty has now confirmed that it was indeed Perry. “The donor’s name was Bob Perry and he was somebody I was visiting in Texas on behalf of the Republican Governors Association and he noted that I was going to Alabama and asked if I would bring them a check so I said I would,” Pawlenty said today, reports the Minneapolis Star-Tribune.

I have no idea what Bob Perry’s dream of world domination means except that we’ll all be living in his claptrap houses naming our kids Doylene and worshipping some freaky mean God.

Thanks to Deb for this —

“Look, I’m not saying that that Rick Perry supporters are among the goofiest people on earth — no, no, wait a minute.  That is what I’m saying.  It’s exactly what I’m saying.  Goofy.  They have got a screw loose in their thinking assembly,” Juanita says.

“Honey, they say a closed mind gathers no new ideas.  These people prove that.  They are so narrow minded that they can see though a keyhole with both eyes.”

One of our customers, Jeromy, sent the latest shot of Sarah Palin’s hand – her shopping list.

…. how she finally got through college.

Closer inspection of a photo of Sarah Palin, during a speech in which she mocked President Obama for his use of a teleprompter, reveals several notes written on her left hand. The words “Energy”, “Tax” and “Lift American Spirits” are clearly visible.

“Don’t you just love the scratch-out?  And the armband with her name on it so she won’t forget that either.

Can anyone explain to us how John Boehner can stay out of jail for doing this?

Last week, House Minority Leader John Boehner of Ohio made a pitch to Democratic contributor James Dimon, the chairman and chief executive of J.P. Morgan, over drinks at a Capitol Hill restaurant, according to people familiar with the matter.

Mr. Boehner told Mr. Dimon congressional Republicans had stood up to Mr. Obama’s efforts to curb pay and impose new regulations. The Republican leader also said he was disappointed many on Wall Street continue to donate their money to Democrats, according to the people familiar with the matter.

So here’s the deal, Wall Street:  Give us money and we’ll let you rape, pillage and plunder American.  But first you have to … show us the money.

Boehner, Dude, you’re extorting this guy.  Then to add hot coal to that inferno, you’re letting the American people know you prefer fat cat bonus checks to helping get jobs in the heartland.  Boehner, your soul is starting to match your skin color.

Hey, maybe Democrats didn’t stay bought by the fat cats, huh?  Maybe that’s a good thing, Huh?