KTRK TV-13 wanted to know if she thought Tom got a fair sentence. Click the photo to see…

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It’s spring and the RNC’s heart turns to thoughts of —-

The Republican National Committee sent a fundraising mail piece earlier this month with a return number that leads to a phone-sex line offering “live, one-on-one talk with a nasty girl who will do anything you want for just  $2.99 per minute.”

At the bottom of a piece designed to resemble a census form, a toll-free number is listed next to the national party’s address.

A voter in Minnesota received the mailer and called the number intending to complain about the attempt to raise money with a form that looks like a government document.

But the Minnesotan was instead directed to a second toll-free number that greets callers as “sexy guy” before offering them the chance to talk with “real local students, housewives and working girls from all over the country.”

Working girls, huh?

Well, they got that part right.

(Thanks to Deb and Kathy for the heads-up)

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Brian just gave me the best news of the day.

You know the crazy maniac who shouted “Baby Killer!” at Bart Stupak?

Abilene’s own Randy Neugebauer, of The Yachting Neugebauers Fame.

Dandy Randy used campaign funds to buy himself a yacht, which is kinda odd being as how Abilene  is in the middle of the desert.  I doubt he was planning on Noah’s flood because he docked that yacht, and a swanky one it is, in Washington Dee Cee.

Abilene, Texas, houses Dyes Air Force Base, where I have seen Airmen living in substandard housing, while Randy let lobbyists buy him a stinkin’ yacht.

I ain’t telling Juanita today.  I’m going to tell her tomorrow after we’ve already packed her pick-up for a road trip.  We’re going to include  little “Cap’n Randy is a Jerk!” sailor caps for her to give away.

Cap’n Randy, of the USS Little Winkie, says he shouted Baby Killer in the heat of the moment.  Honey, there’s no telling what Juanita will shout when she gets heated.

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Do you know what is not quite, but almost, better than getting health care for 32 million Americans and helping close the  prescription drug loophole on Medicare?

“Watching the hang dog Republicans suck on bitter, that’s what!” Juanita exclaims.

“All morning long, I have distinctly heard the sound of an empty cup being banged on a high chair tray, over and over, and over…..”

“I saw John Cornyn on teevee this morning saying that it ain’t over yet.  Well, that might be true if John thinks that a pile of dumb can stop a freight train,” Juanita chuckles.  “And trust me on this, John can supply all that dumb on his own.”

“Then there’s John McCain whimpering that he’s ‘repulsed by all the euphoria‘ over the bill’s passage.  Damn, this is a man who was not repulsed by Sara Palin being unable to name the three branches of government, but is almost merrily repulsed by people not dropping dead because they can’t get health care.  Can get get an adjustment on his Repulse-o-Meter?”

“I was watching the debate yesterday when that creepy Michele Bachman was rattling on in that voice of hers that sounds like a teaspoon in the garbage disposal about how Barack Obama is setting up interment camps with Janet Reno’s black helicopters and little alien children from Kenya or something, when my phone rings and Bev Carter, publisher of the Fort Bend Star newspaper, doesn’t even bother with hellos.  She just shouts out, ‘Doesn’t that Michele Bachman just make you want to upchuck?’”

“Yep.”

“And those of us raised in the Southern Baptist church did not miss the subtext of the GOP’s new website – Fire Pelosi.  They are not going to wait for Armageddon, dammit.”

The site also asks you to “Tweet firebomb” – a sort of version of spamming your friends – using the hashtag #FirePelosi to try to gain growing support for the movement.

“I’m kinda enjoying this.  And they’ll owe us more, too, because when they give themselves heart attacks, we’ll give them health care.  I’ll betcha a pair of pink boots that that’ll piss them off even more!”

Juanita says that you should hug a Republican today for entertaining us so much!

UPDATED:  My friend Kary sent a better graphic —

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“It’s like trying to eat pinto beans with a pitch fork,” Juanita commented to no one in particular this morning while reading the newspaper.

“Trying to get Karl Rove to admit that he or George Bush ever made a mistake is like trying to dodge rice at wedding,” she amplifies on the subject.

“Lookie here —-

As he launches his book-promotion tour, Karl Rove has sought to deflect and deny responsibility for a host of problems that bedeviled the Bush years. A lot of it is complicated — weapons of mass destruction, the CIA leak scandal — and Rove is adept at navigating thickets of information to invoke plausible deniability. But sometimes, a single question can reveal a lot. Such was the case today on NBC’s Today show where Matt Lauer quizzed Rove on why the White House was so slow to respond to Katrina.

MR. LAUER: You also write in the book, “We did not have the ability to get real-time information, so did not realize the initial reports we were getting were wrong.”
This is the president of the United States.

MR. ROVE: Sure.

MR. LAUER: Did anyone at the White House turn on the TV?

“I suspect that Rove thinks people will forget about teevee after Armageddon when he is sitting at the right hand of God, tossing all you heathens in the pits of hell while laughing uproariously.”

By you, we think Juanita means YOU.  That’s just a guess, though.

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Juanita is pretty sure it’s the Seventh Sign.  “If three uncowboys come riding up on white horses, get the hell outta Dodge,” she warns.

Juanita agrees with Ken Starr.

Liz Cheney has been under fire from both left and right after she tried to paint Department of Justice attorneys as terrorist sympathizers for working on the defense of Guantanamo detainees. One of the sternest rebukes comes from a law school dean, former judge, and well-known former special prosecutor.

“Good Lord,” Juanita comments to all within listening distance, “she’s her Dad with extra boobs, and she’s damned and determined to marginalize anyone who loves the Old Constitution.  You know, the one before her Dad shredded it and wrote a new one.”

“In honor of her being a real witch, nobody gets big blonde hair today,” Juanita announces.

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