Archive for the ‘Steeple People’

Buenos Días from El Jefe

November 13, 2016 By: El Jefe Category: Dammit!, Flamethrower, Steeple People

¡Buenos días!

I am happy to join Juanita Jean and her other Pals to Participate in Professional Political Punditry to Perpetrate Perpetual Prickly Publishing.  Having just joined, I thought I would use a few lines to introduce myself to you.  After a long career of pulling wrenches, brewing beer, baking bread, and cleaning windows, I started my punditry avocation about 10 years ago by ranting and raving on the internets about the sorry state of politics in the good ol’ US of A, and especially in Texas.  I started my ranting after the 2004 elections, raved through the 2008 cycle, which was bruising, and then continued, though not as publicly, to talk about holding politicians accountable to their obligations to the people as elected officials.  I have been dismayed at the failure of party politics, that apparently only exist (with a few notable exceptions) to benefit those in office.

Today, I live just up the road from the World’s Most Dangerous Beauty Salon and visit often, ranting and raving at Juanita Jean (especially since last Tuesday). After patiently listening to my hair-on-fire raging, recently Juanita finally said, “Don’t just tell it to me, tell it to everybody else.”  I thought, OK; so here we are.  In the coming days/weeks/whenever Juanita kicks me out, I’ll be sharing my thoughts as an independent thinker/screamer.  I’ll be talking about social justice, the fossilization of political parties, gerrymandering, the media, healthcare policy, education, energy policy, head in the sand environmental and climate change policy, the cancer of money in politics, and any other damn thing that pops into my head.  Thank you, Juanita Jean, for letting me talk to (yell at) your loyal customers.

To get us going, I’ve posted below a little about me personally.  See you shortly when I pull out the flamethrower.

EL JEFE El Jefe met Juanita Jean some years ago when he opened El Jefe’s Beer, Bread, and Pickle Emporium just up the road from the World’s Most Dangerous Beauty Salon. He savors anything made with his home grown yeast, but especially those things that go well with his South Texas Pucker Up & Slap Yo’ Knee Bread n’ Butter pickles, made especial for the Holidays and coming soon to an HEB near you.

A native Texan, El Jefe’s is proud to be the great-great grandson of Napoleon Bonaparte Fisher who joined the Texas Rangers in 1860. He was born in North Texas to a jen-u-wine Bible-thumping praise and glory preacher and to the daughter of a jen-u-wine Bible-thumping praise and glory preacher, receiving more Bible & ear lobe thumping before he was 6 than most are privileged to get in a lifetime. Because of his pure and crystal-clear upraising, he now practices his own spiritual tradition of worshiping every Sunday at Our Lady of the Perpetual Bloody Mary & New York Times. He was elected Deacon of the parish many years ago.

El Jefe rants regularly on social media, and is an equal opportunity insulter of all proclivities. He’s sure he’ll insult you, too, and likes to proclaim that he’s old enough to not care about what you think of him or his hand crafted pointy toed roach killer boots made way-the-hell-out-there in Fredericksburg just for him.

So there.

Hummm…..

April 01, 2010 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Steeple People

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Posted on the door of the beauty salon this morning —

“Obama is not a brown-skinned anti-war socialist who gives away free healthcare. You’re thinking of Jesus.” — John Fugelsang

Nice.

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Oh, Thank You, Sweet Jeeeesuh

March 22, 2010 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Steeple People, Sumbitches, Uncategorized

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Brian just gave me the best news of the day.

You know the crazy maniac who shouted “Baby Killer!” at Bart Stupak?

Abilene’s own Randy Neugebauer, of The Yachting Neugebauers Fame.

Dandy Randy used campaign funds to buy himself a yacht, which is kinda odd being as how Abilene  is in the middle of the desert.  I doubt he was planning on Noah’s flood because he docked that yacht, and a swanky one it is, in Washington Dee Cee.

Abilene, Texas, houses Dyes Air Force Base, where I have seen Airmen living in substandard housing, while Randy let lobbyists buy him a stinkin’ yacht.

I ain’t telling Juanita today.  I’m going to tell her tomorrow after we’ve already packed her pick-up for a road trip.  We’re going to include  little “Cap’n Randy is a Jerk!” sailor caps for her to give away.

Cap’n Randy, of the USS Little Winkie, says he shouted Baby Killer in the heat of the moment.  Honey, there’s no telling what Juanita will shout when she gets heated.

Get A Rope

February 23, 2010 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Steeple People

His name is Bob Marshall.  He’s from Richmond, Virginia.  He’s making Sweet Jesus cry.

State Delegate Bob Marshall of Manassas says disabled children are God’s punishment to women who have aborted their first pregnancy.

He made that statement Thursday at a press conference to oppose state funding for Planned Parenthood.

“The number of children who are born subsequent to a first abortion with handicaps has increased dramatically. Why? Because when you abort the first born of any, nature takes its vengeance on the subsequent children,” said Marshall, a Republican.

“In the Old Testament, the first born of every being, animal and man, was dedicated to the Lord. There’s a special punishment Christians would suggest.”

In related news, the problem may have been taken care of …..

Police report rabid raccoon in suburban Richmond

RICHMOND, Va. (AP) — Henrico County Police say they’ve confirmed a case of rabies in a raccoon that was killed by a pet dog.

Police say tests by the state confirmed the disease Tuesday. The animal was found dead in the front yard of a suburban Richmond home after responding to a call of a dog killing a raccoon Saturday.

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I Love Yew, Virginia

February 12, 2010 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Steeple People

It seems that the State Legislature of Virginia is looking after their citizens.  A whole lot.

They are voting to protect Virginians from the Mark of the Beast.  “There is to be no 666-ing in Virginia,” Juanita warns all who were pondering doing it.

The House of Delegates is scheduled to vote Wednesday on a bill that would protect Virginians from attempts by employers or insurance companies to implant microchips in their bodies against their will.

It might also save humanity from the antichrist, some supporters think.

“And, as everybody knows,” Juanita informs you, “the devil is mortified of the Virginia state legislature.  Can’t say I blame the devil, being as how I’m like a rabbit in a coyote’s back pocket when it comes to people like this guy,” Juanita says as she points to words she cannot bring herself to read aloud.

David Neff, editor of the magazine Christianity Today, said that some fundamentalist Christians believe that bar codes and implanted microchips could be used by a totalitarian government to control commerce — a sign of the coming end of the world.

“This is part of a larger attempt to constantly read current history in the light of the symbolic language of the Book of Revelation,” he said.

“Now, somebody fix me if I’m wrong about this,” Juanita offers, “but aren’t the Super DeLux Brand Christians rooting for the end times?  Aren’t they looking forward to watching God toss our liberal butts into the fires of hell?”

“You’d think they’d be first in line to get a ringside seat for that!”

And what are those wacky Democrats in Virgina doing while the Republicans are trying to trick the devil?

“We’ve got a $4 billion hole, and we’re spending time on microchips,” said Del. Albert C. Pollard Jr. (D-Northumberland). “At least when Nero fiddled, they got good music.”

“I can dance to that tune,” Juanita grins.

Jesus Loves The Little Children

February 12, 2010 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Steeple People

Jesus loves the little children,
All the children of the world.
Red and yellow, black and white ….
Whoa, not so much.